I didn't live my life with honour I confess, nor I truly cared for it
It was a mechanism for the powerful or even worse the weak
There was no way I was going to live abiding the master or slave morals
I was something different not more,not less different in its own
A money thirsty shark. That was who I am
My parents were the best I can get they were good people, so good for their own good
Father used to work inhumane hours, I was pretty sure there were farm animals with better working hours
And mama used to shoulder all the responsibility and hardship she was a sensitive soul but didn't show it around me and my sisters
I had 2 elder sisters and 2 little sister , hahah I remember our home being colourful and jaunty
We had some little inheritance land which was told its going to be very precious any moment for nearly 20 years, greedy siblings of my brothers pecked it little by little like hungry vultures over the years
Just thinking them make my blood run cold, me them and a knife in a room was definitely resulting in someone being skinned alive
While we got poorer and started to work more father and mothers health diminished first my father had an work accident… and…ah fuck.
Fast forward my dad dead while suffering many years, and my mom cancer in day by day worsening condition
What a great life eh?
Our savings melted like ice in a summer noon , my elder sisters while they went to the school started to work
Hell even my little ones were talking about home economy too, they were babies in my eyes so, so little
And amidst all of these they were never happy with me working they always said some things like you should finish your schools we got it covered or some sweet lies
I was drowning in near death stillness, how could I spend their money while they worked till nights
Funny but I remember my breaking point being one of my sisters getting catcalled in work
I was a double major student in both law and economy so I quickly filed in an written complaint to the court house and municipal building
…
All I got was the due bills and land taxes
…
Breath deeply calm down
That was when I was like hit in the head over again, for me to remind me that government local or nationwide isn't to be trusted
They were the final villain
After that What I did was simple I took some of the sharp knives from the kitchen while my siblings screamed I remember not even shedding tears, on the outside of course
I knocked the doors of my dear uncles and aunts with the notebook my mom used to write the money lend, there were nothing taken back to scratch some off, all stood there
While they opened the door they were surprised with hints of disgust, like a piece of shit just ranged their door.
I didn't do much not even tried to get in, I just stood there stepped my foot in the door so no no to closing
And demanded the money lend…
No one did so in the first try, only until when I smiled and folded my hand in the front (with obviously the still in my hand knife) they were willing to give
One of the self unaware uncle tried to fight me, he always talked trash and how we need some manner beaten onto us on the gatherings my dad generally were there to defend me
In reality it was quite opposite he was there to stop me
I smashed his nose to the door heard the crunching of it with a question mark kick I fooled the already fool man more while he lowered his guard a kicked him right in the mouth left side of his mouth caved in as teeth flew over, as icing at the top I smashed his head to the window and dragged him through the glassy ground
That really , really felt good. I remember breathing normally after so many years
It didn't look good in front of the jury later but it didn't mattered, it was so worth it
One of the debtor's house was empty he was in vacation
I broke in adding up another at my charges and from the money full of safe that would probably be more than enough to treat my mom I only took what they did owe us
…
It wasn't stealing , it was only payback
Both in money or pain whatever they deserved
Oh before I quit the uni and resigned to the "law"
I didn't forget to stab the man in the crotch several times
Well if I somehow circumcised him, I he could make some religious friends to repent if they accept him … that ought to teach him manners
I handed the money for treatment to my sisters instructing them to how to wash it of tracks and serial numbers on potential handing over to law
It wasn't like I was some criminal mastermind… yet at the time I just know the basic concepts and watched a lot of true crime, there was even %10- 20 percent commissions in some methods but better than losing it all…
Losing our own parents hard earned money.
The money was so much more than what we even had in hand it was crazy, while they didn't even need it or spend it in luxury we suffered
While I have done this my sisters jumped at me crying grabbing and yanking my limbs like a doll while asking what did I do where did I get it
The blood on my knuckles didn't help the theories in their mind
I ignored them mostly with a little bit money 5 thousand or so dollar was left of course besides treatment there was enough money to handle them for 5 or 6 years if they didn't worked
That would be enough to finish their schools or even not thinking twice when eating in a decent restaurant once in a while
Too bad I wont be there
Hating melodrama I never liked talking about these kinds of thinks but never stopped thinking about it for one day, what ifs scratched my mind but never enough to penetrate the barrier of ice that I weaved myself
Thinking back I believed then and I believe now I did the right thing so no regrets at all
My trial was a mess
Even though I liked my sisters telling the judge they were the ones that did it and I was guilty
An amateur move if you ask me both of them being persecuted and what was I gonna do with my siblings
It didn't mattered they stood up for me I was truly happy but it was easy to tell the truth
I gave my defence, I was a good student a listener and many of the professors loved me even one of them an elder man ,that I worked with as a humanitarian law project even came and cried at the custody
So knowing law I carefully avoided stepping on the mines
"did you attack the man with the knife"
"of course not your honor, I only acted upon the self defence as seen in the footage he attacks me first while I defend myself"
"why did you have it on you then"
" for to sharpen, it was a dull knife; I have the receipt and proof in the files provided"
The judge grunted
" so you carried a "dull" knife to extort money from your uncles"
"it wasn't "extortion" or sorts they happily obliged your honor"
I was careful to not pluck nerves but I was sharp enough to not let him push me around without him getting little cut first
And of course the knife was sharp as razor I smashed it into stone several times after I finished that day to sharpen it , with all the documents too
Also there was nothing to lead me into the breaking in that meant nothing legally to accuse me
There was something for my luck too
The notorious lawyer of the other side was the father of my ex girlfriend from high school and he was pressing good at me from all sides
I was surprised to see her , she was also in the courtroom to assist her father. That was when the lightbulb went on in my head
the thing is my lawyer was the elder sister of my soon to be ex girlfriend, no she was already ex, we just didn't have it in us to breakup both of us , it had been long since we didn't shared any time together for my obvious reasons
we had a small talk at the break with her
the apple of my eye, when at the second year of uni we were at debating club and she handed my ass everytime we were on opposite side
one day, sick of back to back losses I told her without thinking I am gonna be on your side always
I meant the teams… she thought, well in terms of love
Seeing her flustrated I flustrated too
We sit there for a moment both red cheeked and after not speaking for a day we both asked each other at the same time
At first our relationship was weird and clanky like an awkward animatronics forgotten to greased
But with the passing time I get to know her better and it smoothly fly by
I loved her sincere smile her I loved her love I loved her merciful nature but with the things not going so well with me I didn't think myself worthy for her not now not tomorrow it was all in the past , a sweet memory
"Finn, I heard… uhh the other sides lawyer was your…"
"yeah , sorry for mixing you up on this Layla"
"don't apologize. I was the one that came with the offer… and look, I think we should…argh I don't know anything"
It was leading to an breakup convo I knew
Goddamnit I thought
I looked at her she had a long curly auburn hair with a round beautiful face I remember squishing her cheeks and calling her my little chipmunk, her big green eyes was veiled by her long eyelashes while its purple tinged red lips were full she had a flawless like carven from stone brown body that I loved so much
she had a delicate but full of life body she was only at my shoulder high at my 185 centime height but was so jumpy at the hugs like a little lamb we often collided heads
hers was thick and strong while mine was always red
inside that thick head she had a genius brain I adored so much…
I smiled my eyes gazing at her
Then with my prolonged gaze I felt she suddenly became flustrated
"W-what"
She leaned to the side like she was going to do some karate chop embarrassed
Just when I was going to answer I was embraced in a tight hug that I was only familiar with my sisters
the figure hugged me while she buried her head on my shoulders I heard a sniff and little sob
as I was frozen I instinctively hugged her back as soon as I did it I looked at Layla
shit was he angry, I thought I saw a little raised brow and squinted eyes her lips curved then all of it reset into indifferent look
she was tall, taller than Layla and many other women I know, as she hurriedly gained her composure and left the embrace of mine
she started at me coldly yet affectionately
it was strange Ursula was strange. If I were to define her with one word hell it would still be strange
suddenly she realized Layla, then she realized she unknowingly broke our conversation, she fiddled unsure what to do,
she apologized as she bowed, she used to do it too much in high school, always pretending and seeing things as a game
"sorry for interrupting your flirting with exotic beauty captain Finn"
Layla said a loud with a voice that gathered a few look across the hall
but as she bowed deep down she hit my abdomen
"UGH"
"a-AH sorry general"
She immediately backed up
I saw a smile on his lips
"still the same I see,Ursula"
She grinned fully
"but you are not the same shorty where is my captain Ursula or dear dominatrix Ursula…"
"HEY…shit I carried away, no I didn't said such thing,Layla I swear"
I looked left and right to them Ursula was as I said still the same girl cold unreachable beauty that harbored a deranged jester inside
She had been taller then me at high school I wasn't a late bloomer or anything it was just she was gigantic
I first saw her at the backyards of school ,She was two year older than me so I didn't know who she was or her notorious name
when I first came at school first day I saw her beating bunch of kids in the backyard 5 on 1 very bloody and brutal she was throwing a laughter fit amongst the unconscious bodies
I quickly run to her she assumed I was gonna do something so I run my hands up in the air like a surrendering criminal… I guess I ended up being one too
She laughed his ass of at my sight even more but this time was more happy kind of laugh
Looking back now I didn't know why I even approached her I should have run but
I don't know she looked sad at that moment and lonely like a caged animal last of its kind
Closing in on her I saw her icy blue eyes and pale smooth skin she had little freckles on her cheeks her face was symmetrical and beautiful, truly a work of golden ratio.
her nose was slim and pointy had an archaic aesthetic to it
her fire red hair was flowing beautifully at both sides in a long wolf cut when she fought it raged like wildfire
she was tall, taller than me at the time with muscle to hold her own
unknowing what to do I improvised
very very poorly
"uh ah, kickboxing club captain I want to enrol!"
She was confused for a moment but she stopped laughing at my awkward walk
"hah you suck at lying pipsqueak, BWAHAH! Lets go the club I will enrol you in, after I beat the captain to became the new one!"
"haah, I don't think it works like th…"
*BAAM*
She kicked me in the butt with the pointy side of her shoe as she strode
It was all like this with her so chaotic and messy and so exciting I don't know but there was something that draw me to her
As a role model first and when I speak highly of her she teased me as calling me my slave or some other names
After one year she was 3 and we were training in the club together it was summer and there was nobody besides us
The joke became a reality she was the captain now, and we often trained together not just kickboxing bjj wrestling or other martial arts
I did get good in a short time and even managed to hold my own when she was playing and holding back
We were doing bjj that day I remember, she had me in the top mount position and fast forward to a flash of movement she had me in armlock
And at that point generally came talking
I wriggled trying to break free she hadn't put pressure
Then she did it and I started yowling
The awaited question came
"why did you talk to me that day"
"Argh. I-I wanted to get strong sensei"
I cried in pain
"lies"
"I don't know"
"true once but lies again"
"argh I thought you were sad so I tried helping you"
The lock came loose for a second then she flipped me in the air with a hip push and top mounted me again
As she grabbed my collar she leaned and pulled me in fire coming out of her eyes
We were eye to eye almost touching each other
I felt her sweat dripping onto me
Her voice was uncharacteristically high
"you!, you! Thought you could help me huh?"
I didn't know any better to tell the truth and at that time I was a shitty liar
"Y-Yes?"
She looked at me up and down and released me she stood there on top of my abdomen for a second
I saw her mumbling my name but I didn't get any of it
"you, now I make you my boyfriend. You better worth it do you get it"
"huh"
"no huhs, only yes do you understand my slave?"
"W-what.. yes."
Accepting my fate I finally gave in
"no yes. Yes dominatrix you will say"
I blew up and started a bottom leg sweep
"Graah no way in hell, I am calling you that!"
We sparred till morning that day
*
*
*
Now Ursula was grinning about the same joke Layla bit her lips and smiled
She held her hand out for her
"Layla, nice to meet you.ah and he is my boyfriend well for now"
"ah I knew you already, I am Layla. And he was also my boyfriend too once"
Ow that stung but I didn't let it show
A nervous chuckle after I talked
"hahah anyways Ursula nice seeing you"
"hmm after that fateful night I thought we settled on captain at least"
I immediately knew what he was talking about but acted fool
"no way I jumped up in ranks,anyway what do I owe the pleasure espionage ?"
"HAH not the slightest, we wouldn't need it besides we are withdrawing from the case"
I was dumbstruck and didn't talked for a moment Layla spoke in my stead
"oh, that would be… great I guess, but why"
"blegh, my control freak of a mother she works behind my father and has my life set in stone, that's a favour from me to not rebel"
I was surprised she always did what she wanted now she abiding some rules set for her no way
"Ursula…I am sorry but.shit."
I couldn't gather my thoughts I only could say one word
"why"
"you seemed like in need of help little Finn"
I laughed a full blown one with much joy ,not suited for a convict in making
"may I know the,noble sacrifice you made for my sake,no phone for a week"
I said it a bit mockingly it was the tone between us , but I regreted it immediately afterwards
Her voice cold and deadpan she answered
"no. marrying a guy I don't know is… my mother has been pressing it for years and now she had a trump card over me"
I froze, stood there without saying anything my head dropped low I mumbled
"thanks for telling me,a-and thanks for doing it. Bu I cant allow for my sa…"
She slapped me a hard one my head gone up she closed in an grabbed me and hissed furry in her eyes
Layla took a step forward between us but stopped as it didn't continue further
"don't!.dont ever tell me what to do you know I hate it , don't let my sacrifice be in vain, you were such a good kid. Don't lose do you get it?"
"yes. Yes dominatrix"
She laughed heartily
"good boy"
I slapped myself with both of my hands the one side she hit already became bruised other one was red
"you know its good to be know what I owe, or even what people owe me, thank you guys I felt like I was finally out of a nightmare but you guys really waken me up, now my last wish is be happy please for your own sake, you are free to fly as you wish"
I walked away both of them stayed behind one as an impossible and one as an unlucky love
They both knew I wasn't any good for them
I hope…
I didn't talked them after that during the trail not because they didn't talk to me ,
I avoided them actively
My eldest sister even talked me about it once, I told her not to worry things were over for me with them
As my trail ended my penal was finalized
7 years in state prison
Now my true nightmare was going to began