Date: 2/23/1545
The Hopes that I smoke- still lingers around; more than you took.
The bed and our reality.
A basic realization and a what if of us; a what if of fate.
Do you think it is always just a coincidence, that the feathers always comes back whenever they want. And to also mishaps-notice, they always bring you under their wing.
What a nice thing to reminisce some of the past, eh?
Like way before, … The before that is already been forgotten by stack of papers. Comes first, It was like our saddest story, but it is still one of the best of them all. It is also the one I always knew in everything, unique of them all, purest of them all, and you; the most human" I know too.
Have you still remember how you wake me up? To the point that you're already forcing me to stand up.
I guess in the present times, you will not have the chance to remember those things, but I hope the "before you", the one that cannot wake me up, still tries to wake me up in the future.
But it was still- all thanks to this Forbidden Book. They always do have the most reserved moments to lighten me up, though when they let someone erase the past, the first in line of my memories. Let's say things wasn't in favorable to me at that time. To be honest, it was already became a taboo topic for social gathering. Though higher being such like us- only knows a few of it, I'm sure the topic already reached the bottom.
My family got the mail. It was the first time my mother's scream made its debut mark to The Book. And my eldest brother, had to face the consequences for me.
I don't- know why he did it, I don't know why someone like him not very close to me, did it ultimately.
"Please don't be sorry, Amelie,… It was still' a new thing for me."
Then I just heard my brother's voice outside my door.
It was n- it brought me to my knees after I read his lips.
I still couldn't comprehend why he did that, until now. But after a century, he came back to our home like nothing happened. He just smiled, and pretended to be okay when it's just not acceptable for me at all.
But if I were to tell the story of us today. He still remains to be that brother who is far,… A reluctant. Unlike to my other siblings, the middle of us, shows mischievous and yet, so protective to me.
If you have the time to ever chance to meet them, I swore that they will instantly draw their breaths if you suddenly make me cry. However, since I am the youngest, let's say that I am their- resonant, the one that binds of them all.
You may be asking now why I did all of that?
You know, sometimes- I am moving around like it wasn't me that I am walking, and talking. It's like an answer that I'm still unsure whether I am conscious of everything. Or, it's just sometimes' emotions are still a dominant factor of everything in this world.
I don't know.
I still cannot understand myself.
But there was a saying between the gods,
Don't meddle with mortals
Well too late. I've already tampered.
---
Date: 13/23/1670
Etch. And forget.
Hence, the curse foreboding title of the weaver. The Seamstress, befitting of abolition.
Remembers everything she woven, regrets everything she unraveled.
Both negate, both pulls me back, both tied to near ends.
The questions you ask, the childish vows you made, and the story I read from you that made me stare into the nothingness.
I'm sure you don't want to know what it made me to this day. Speaks ill for the term of an idler, I guess. Well that also made me use some of before.
I hate this way of speaking. Too broken.
Lemme' read thoroughly on The 9th book again.
It's not forbidden if it is me that is reading. I'm always taking precautionary.
It will be too bad if humans were to see the future literature.
Nice.
I hate this day so much.
I don't know what to do, nor do I want to find anything to do.
Even writing to this notebook, I'm so lazy.
I wonder what are you doing this time around in the paradise. Are you nearing it's completion? Or Are you already making amends of your mortality. HAHAHAHAH…
Can't believe I also write how I laugh in words, instead of how I squandered around my room.
Should I sit between the windows or should I go out?
Okay I'll go outside this time.
Gosh, I hate when I just had to throw my pen to decide.
Okay.
Another okay.
Forget it. I'll just try sew some things in the house this time. But it's already 1:00 AM.
Will you get angry in the paradise once you can see me through the clouds? I doubt that.
Well you've promise me before that you will never-ever look through the lenses. And even wishing to the bamboo gardener. Dare not to ask, or just scared to ask?
Perhaps another well,…
Well I don't need to think about that, nor should you be thinking me this time.
I still hate when things are getting emotional. You're getting me in tears again. Don't you know? Of course, you will not know. Maybe in a few hundred years?
I wish you in 20 years, and I wish in Stars and Twilight.
Goodnight, Leibe.
---
Date: 04/14/1799
Stars are so bitter, it's not like I can touch them. It's not like I can reach you too.
Feels like the boredom really hits me this time. Butalways you should know that I always prevail whenever there is disaster is coming.
I know, Crisanto. You don't need to tell me. Otherwise, it will not come true. But is writing part of telling to even no one? I guess that's a problem I will not give any regards.
By the way, I want to write you stories from time to time.
Why of course? It's about me. And I think this chapter will be too long. Perhaps, it will come in a few dates to update soon or later.
I'm not dominating something over here okay? Just already- part of my hobby nowadays.
Okay, I guess not.
HAHAHAHAHA.
Possessive aside. I had just got visited by Sebastian a while ago.
You know, the said-so free willed Aghoy.
We had a conversation nothing much, but it's about me. Yes again. Always has been, or had been? I don't quote them honestly.
Actually, Sebastian had just been appointed to deliver a letter for me to go back. And contents were just about "In the upcoming rite of Patero City. Please Ara Ha'abi. You only need to partake once. The other Anitos are already whispering something about you. Don't worry, they're not badmouthing. Blah-blah-blah. As favored by all their Highness among all, you should come and present your Greater Will- Blah-blah-blah. For the upcoming rite. I beg of you. Pretty please Sister Amelia. Think better!"
Sebastian also added.
"You should see how Yun'ara begged right in front of my bark. Especially, how he use your Ancestral Name. HAHAHAHAAH. The way he also screams with it, your origin must have been missing you. A LOT… … … That was a sarcasm. No one likes someone who holds an authority over The Books, than The Wayfinder."
I did not sincerely gasped. To be honest, I did not think that I still have impact to the occurring world. Particularly speaking to what had happened, years ago. 200 years ago?
But deep into them.
They are just jealous that I am in line of ancestral lineage of the fates. "No one likes someone who holds an authority over the book, than The Wayfinder". My ass. Guess this is what the everyone holds onto me, and with terms of everyone; her worst special ability.
To be honest, I'm also scared to hold onto this. Just one small bit of a rip in a single page, someone could forget their origins. And that will get me into a sanction.
However, this specialty isn't like that whatsoever they can just compromise anything they want or tamper with. -Whenever someone reads a letter or a word from it, someone had to take the blame as always. They said.
.
OHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
My stars glittered! Is it already that time!?
.
.
Oh yeah, it is.
The rite.
Overseas again. I hate boats.
Still.
Wait a minute. I think I can show it right into you, through means of the skies.
Lemme try drawing for a bit so I can show it to you later.
.
.
Oh my… that ended up in disaster.
.
.
Lemme list down over here what should I get to the trip.
Clothes.
Pens and Books. Not to forget my journal.
My favorite teacup? I guess so.
My sewing kit. I love this smell. Grew accustomed with it though.
Did I forgot something?
Is it shoes?
.
Nevermind,… I just forgot my needles. The rare ones.
I'm off to travel.
Wish me good luck.
Goodbye.
---
Date: 04/19/1799
Places that we've never reach. Places that are bound- cease to exist.
Travel far- travel whenever you want.
It's been- what?
5 days? Wait,… arithmetic is not being in logical. Oh yes, right. 5 days.
I'm so dumb.
It's already 9:43, in the morning here.
Do you miss me too?
Hmmm? Guess that was so random.
I don't think spirits in the paradise can relinquish some of their memories, eh? Though, I think your next reincarnation will be so different again. I just hope he's not so weird just like his first reincarnation.
Like, I still can't believe you're that laureate we all hated, because of his obnoxious findings.
Should I write your findings? I think I still have it somewhere right over my shelves.
.
Nevermind, you were a jackass in that form. I hated that.
Anyways.
The boat that I board must been nearing the city of Patero, any moment. Likewise, the messenger Sebastian should meet me at the pier, or my cousin Yun'ara.
I miss that money-grabbing guy.
Do you think he will be delighted by my gift? I also have this honey that've been lying in one of kitchen shelves. It's also a good thing that it still not bad, though it darkens and- some parts are already' crystallized?
But I already tasted it many times, so… It's good.
I hope.
I hope all goes well.
I think we're already off-boarding.
I'll clean some of my things first then next is my luggage.
---
2:32 in the afternoon.
HOLY MOTHER!
You will not guess it correctly that "her- it was- will welcome me to this very place. I was so overwhelmed when she bowed at me. LIKE WHAT!? "Aun- Your Majesty?!" SHE LITERALLY BOWED!?…
I freak out superbly in the public. Thank gods, … People don't know her much in her physical form.
Do you think she can hear my thoughts? I wish she will not know of it.
What the, … I think someone just winked at me.
She's already paying it all?! Aunty is so generous as always. I wish my wallet are boundless too.
I forgot to write,… We're actually in a local restaurant, or so what they say. I don't know that term but the food here is so delicious, even though it's just what I am seeing, … I think it will be great.
---
4:30 PM
I did not make a mistake!!
The food here is great in Patero. I don't know what it was, but it was a series of vegetables. Too bad they don't have any meaty foods. 3-5 I think?
I guess the people of Patero are somewhat vegetarians. Is this still the Patero I know?
Not going back then. But I may reconsider because they have Mooncakes!!
Always been my favorite and let's not talk about how many years had been.
---
Date: 4/20/1852/
Things we remember to say; Are you still there? Are you still here?
Next to the very own last?
Just forget everything.
How many years has it been when I open this diary again?
Is it years? Decades? Centuries? That's over-exaggerating.
Am I already being forgotten now? Or was it just because there is some kind of good will around Patero.
Sometimes it do feel like that I am being one with the nature again.
You know, like how every Deities once, before they got their intellect and consciousness.
I'm not scared of death, cause my kin are somewhat boundless in shackles of life and death. However, that is still no less good than a hundred kinds of life out there, yes? And we could also be there for everyone but our life- holds to no one in this never-ending.
Actually that thought made me scared of death, honestly.
We chose, we chose.
That's what Aunty had whispered- indirectly at me. When I was just still,… let's say unborn by wishes alone.
How did I heard it?
It's because it was written dumbass. I already read that much from the past, why would I stop reading it?
Does Mother knows of this?
Damn,… she shouldn't, or else I'll travel far earth again and seek refuge to someone.
Jokes aside, … I'm sure you don't find it funny.
I know my boundaries.
How are you over there in paradise.
Your reincarnation had just died, two decades ago. Funny how he can only remember that much, later in his deathbed.
Nothing to be sad about,… I already saw you die in my arms, much much and more. Though I only get closer to you, in your 5 lives.
It's because some are bitch, or they are just kind of a different branch.
.
Sigh.
I still can't get off the concept of death.
By the time I got here, and by the time I already want to go back to our home. I only realized yesterday that the children that I always enjoy watching and play every day are already in their days.
I thought they just went far and gone adventure, but-
I know.
I shouldn't care much.
My job in the family is to let and guide everyone. And for them not to gone insane in many ways.
.
I'm so tired.
See you in an hour. I need to prepare before anyone wakes up.
---
Date: 9/21/1903
We met so early, and we also met our different endings too.
I owe you an apology.
I did not expect that an hour will take half a century. I should have written everything what happen before that date.
It's just- we have to grieved grandfather. The way it is too sudden, it breaks everyone. Not only his children; my uncle and aunts, it broke the balance.
Though, sometimes I should be honest, even in my thoughts. I don't have what to remember nor what to get any recollection, to what I did bonds with him. But things went a different course when in fact, it was the first time I saw my Aunt; Hanan, The Goddess of Morning, mourns.
I ask myself "why?"
She should be the god we expect to warm us up first, but she's the very first one to fell right away.
Of course, I did not said that in the grand funeral. I said it because I was- scared.
Then. After that year, every morning wasn't that great again.
The Goddess of Wind and Rain always had to cover up for the excessive amount of light and heat my Uncle Apolaki radiates every second. But thankfully, Aunty Hanan, after years of solitude and frequent times of showing up, regained herself.
Things were quite smoothly because it's all of the things that now I only can remember. My thoughts. What had written in the histories were made for something. Not made for history. However, story did not end that well.
The God of the Sun and War, and Goddess of the Moon; Apolaki and Mayari, fought over their father's greatest creation.
The dispute happens just after a month of the announcement' that Grandpa had passed away.
What triggered was that the two cannot be in one wavelength on what should focus first.
Mother said it's because of life inside and outside of this world, others had said because of territorial.
Though that was in the past, and they already understood what each others meant. That event that lasted for over a decade, purposely gave The God of the Stars herself, an option. An option to choose the farthest option. The option where the danger lurks and unknown to many. Taking over the Cosmos,… now in her name; Tala, The God of the Stars and Cosmos.
It's not too long before when they noticed that, why was the universe are getting keep-in together, without their father's powers or interference.
Mother was- flabbergasted when she learns the truth herself. I'm glad that my Mother has a sense of strong-willed, or else she would have gone herself. Not because of getting into insanity, but because she was forced by the two of the eldest.
Still remembers how they came banging right through our doors. Desperate for our books,… desperate to find their sister. From then on, I think both of them should think first before getting into any of absolution again.
Since the two eldest are still forcing my Mother, she came up with a request. A request to have a leave of absence. The two eldest were hesitant at first, but they also know that using powers to gain something an upper hand, can take a lot of tolls in the body of the user. And that will require the being to replenish any sorts of what had gone through them. Still in desperate, they had to think for more than two years just to agree with my mother. I think Mother was far more superior than the two, or so whatever, I think. Mother holds The Library though. Meaning, if the bearer of The Forbidden Books is in absentia, what can possibly happen to everyone. Deleted? Forget? No one knows.
An unthinkable happen.
They brought him. Though they clearly hated her when it's not permitting him to enter the gates to the afterlife to visit someone, … But they were still the person that they needed.
In a request, and a celestial decree. Someone took over the absentee.