Chapter One
The Overlord of the Abyssal realm, king of the underworld, ruler of all nightmares sat slouched on his throne, chin resting in his palm, as yet another hero pointed a glowing sword at his chest.
"You have tormented my people long enough!" Sir Henri roared, veins bulging as holy light flared around his blade.
Valentine blinked slowly. Tormented? I didn't even do anything this time. I've been sitting here all week.
"Now face your doom!" Sir Henri screamed, charging across the bone-strewn hall with all the grace of an angry boar.
The Overlord tilted his head, sighing. Should I let him kill me...or should I kill him? Decisions, decisions.
Henri's scream echoed through the throne room, shaking loose dust from the blackened ceiling. His armor clanked, his eyes blazed with righteous fury, and his sword hummed with divine power.
Valentine yawned.
He tapped the armrest of his throne, waiting.
Glowing sword, shouting about justice, dramatic charge... Yep. Same routine as the last hundred heroes. I could recite his lines at this point.
Henri leapt into the air , descending with a holy slash meant to cleave darkness itself.
Henri roared, swinging down with all his strength. His blade struck the throne's armrest, holy light flaring as stone cracked and splintered.
Valentine glanced down at the ruined armrest and sighed.
"That was imported obsidian. Do you have any idea how long it takes to find a proper stonemason in the Abyss?"
With a lazy gesture, black vine of void surged up from the throne, coiling around the holy blade. The light dimmed, snuffed out like a candle. A sharp crack echoed as the sword crumbled into glittering fragments, scattering across the floor.
Henri staggered back, staring at his empty hands.
Valentine leaned on his throne's armrest or what was left of it.
"Are we done? Or do you plan on breaking the rest of my furniture too?"
"W-what sorcery is this?!" Henri sputtered, veins bulging as he tried to force the blade down.
"Sorcery? Hah." Valentine rested his cheek against his palm. "I'm just… tired."
Henri's eyes widened. "Tired… of what?!"
Valentine flicked his finger. The sword shattered like glass, scattering glowing shards across the stone floor. The hero collapsed to his knees trembling.
"…Of this," Valentine muttered as he stood up from his throne. His voice, though calm, carried the weight of centuries. "Endless fights. Endless heroes. Endless respawns. I've killed thousands like you, and for what? So you can respawn at your temple and come screaming at me again?"
Henri froze, his lips parting. "…Wait. You… respawn too?"
Valentine gave him a flat look. "Of course I do. Did you think a single holy sword would end me forever?"
The silence stretched. Henri blinked.
"…That's unfair," the hero muttered.
Valentine snorted. "Tell me about it."
He turned away, cloak swishing. "You know what? I quit. Dungeon, throne, heroes, monsters… all of it. I'm done."
Henri blinked again. "…You're… retiring?"
Valentine stretched, cracking his back. "Yeah. Retiring."
"That's surely a ploy to deceive us all!" a sharp voice cut through the silence.
Valentine turned his head slightly. Behind Henri, the rest of his party stood frozen in the entryway of the throne room: two guys and a girl, all staring at him as if he'd sprouted a second head.
The first was a wiry young man with messy blonde hair and a staff almost taller than him, he was Alaric, a full blown mage. Judging by the faint glow of mana still swirling at his fingertips, he was itching to blast Valentine at the first excuse.
Next to him stood a burly warrior with shoulders like a fortress, his name was Brom, his massive axe nearly scraping the floor. His face, carved into a permanent scowl, twisted further. "Don't listen to him, Henri. He's mocking us. The Overlord doesn't get tired of ruining humanity."
And finally, there was the girl. She was shorter than the others, dressed in light armor with twin daggers strapped at her waist, her name was Lira. Her dark eyes studied Valentine carefully. Unlike the boys who only shouted and accused, she didn't look furious. She looked… hesitant.
Valentine pinched the bridge of his nose. Of course. The chorus of side characters. Haven't heard this one before.
"I'm not mocking you," he said flatly. "I'm serious. No more dungeons. No more massacres. No more… whatever this is supposed to be." He gestured vaguely toward Henri, who was still kneeling in disbelief.
Alaric scoffed. "You expect us to believe the great Overlord is… what, going to open a bakery?"
Valentine scratched his chin. "Hm. Bakery's not a bad idea, but no."
"HUH?!" The four of them shouted in unison.
Valentine shrugged, his cloak shifting lazily as though even gravity couldn't be bothered with him. "I haven't decided yet. Anything's better than babysitting the same recycled heroes every century."
Brom scowled, his grip on the axe tightening. "You can't just quit being the Overlord! That's… that's not how it works!"
Valentine arched a brow. "And yet, here I am, doing exactly that."
Alaric slammed his staff against the ground, sparks of mana crackling at his feet. "Lies! You're scheming something, I know it! Stop mocking us!"
Valentine tilted his head, then sighed. "You people have the same script every time. I could replace half of you with parrots and nothing would change."
"Also I'm not mocking you," he said flatly. "I'm serious. No more dungeons. No more massacres. No more… whatever this is still supposed to be." He gestured vaguely toward Henri, still kneeling in disbelief.
Alaric scoffed. "You expect us to believe the great Overlord is… quitting?"
Valentine shrugged. "That's right."
Brom snarled, hefting his axe. "Then what are you planning instead, monster?"
Valentine rolled his shoulders, stretching. "Planning? Nothing. I've fought your kind for centuries, and I'm bored. So let's never try to kill one another again. You lot can leave my castle… and I won't bother hunting you down. Deal?"
The four stared at him, completely dumbfounded.
"You… you're serious?" Lira asked softly.
Valentine smirked faintly, eyes glowing in the gloom. "Deadly."
"Now run along, heroes. Dungeon's closed."
With a snap of his fingers, the colossal gates behind them groaned open. No sunlight pierced the Abyss, only a pale, unnatural glow that spilled into the throne hall, casting long shadows across the blackened stone.
The light washed over Valentine at last, revealing the figure who had ruled nightmares for centuries.
His hair was the color of dark earth, brown locks falling carelessly across his brow. Green eyes glimmered with a strange, tired sharpness, like a forest that had seen too many winters. His skin was tanned, weathered in a way that felt… almost human. But the twisted black horns curving slightly back from his temples marked him as something else entirely.
He stood there with effortless command, every inch a king of nightmares… and yet, he looked as though he would rather be anywhere else.
The four hesitated, unsettled not by the sight of a monster, but by the strange ordinariness of him. Then, one by one, they stepped out into the pale glow and vanished beyond the gates.
Valentine exhaled, slumped back on his throne. "Finally. Peace and quiet."
The silence lingered, heavy and absolute… until a soft plop echoed through the hall.
Something small and round bounced across the cold stone floor and stopped at the foot of the throne.
A green slime, glowing faintly, wobbled in place before stretching upward like jelly. Two bright dots of light blinked within its gooey body as if it were… eyes.
"Master," it chirped in a voice far too cheerful for the Abyss, "does this mean we don't have to kill heroes anymore?"
Valentine cracked one eye open. "Yes, Lumi. I'm done with all of that."
The slime wobbled happily, bouncing in circles. "Oh! Then maybe… maybe we can do something new! Something peaceful!"
Valentine raised a brow. "Such as?"
Lumi leaned forward, trembling with excitement. "Farming!"
Valentine stared at the little blob for a long, heavy moment.
"…Farming?" he repeated, voice flat.
The slime jiggled proudly. "Yes! We'll grow cabbages, potatoes, maybe even pumpkins!"
Valentine dragged a hand down his face with a sigh. "From King of Nightmares… to cabbages. Truly, you are out of your mind."
And yet… for the first time in centuries, he didn't sound entirely opposed.
"How did you even find out about this… farming?" Valentine asked, squinting at the blob.
Lumi bounced proudly. "Oh! While you were still respawning last month, I found something interesting in a hero's loot. A book!"
Valentine arched a brow. "A book."
"Yes!" the slime chirped. "It was called 'The Simpleton's Guide to Agriculture: From Dirt to Dinner in Ten Easy Steps.' I've studied it thoroughly."
Valentine blinked slowly. "…Thoroughly?"
The slime wobbled with pride. "I absorbed it."
There was a pause. A long one.
Valentine pinched the bridge of his nose. "You… ate the book."
"I learned everything in it!" Lumi replied, bouncing in a circle. "Crop rotation, soil enrichment, pest control, the difference between a rake and a hoe—oh, and something called compost! It's basically… well, monsters. But decomposed!"
Valentine stared at him in silence. Then he muttered, "Wonderful. My grand destiny, explained by a slime with indigestion."
Lumi puffed up indignantly, his gooey body wobbling. "Hmph! Well, it's better than having an Abyssal Overlord named Valentine."
Valentine stared at Lumi for a long moment, his green eyes narrowing.
"…What did you just say?"
The slime jiggled innocently. "I mean—uh—it's just, you're supposed to be this terrifying Abyssal Overlord, ruler of shadows, devourer of hope, blah blah blah… but your name is Valentine."
A pause. A dangerous one.
The air grew heavy, shadows curling along the throne room walls. Even the stone seemed to shudder under the sudden pressure.
Lumi froze, wobbling in place. "…M-Master?"
Then Valentine exhaled, rubbing his temples. "I conquer nations, unravel souls, end dynasties… and what do they mock me for?" He threw up his hands. "My name. Always the name."
The slime tried to shrink into the floor. "It's… it's a very nice name!"
Valentine groaned, slouching back in his throne. "Of all the curses in this wretched world, being saddled with a romantic holiday is the cruelest."
Lumi hesitated, then bubbled hopefully. "…Maybe farming will give you a cool nickname instead?"
Valentine cracked one eye open. "…If anyone calls me the 'Cabbage King,' I swear I'll burn this realm to the ground."