"Aren't flowers too basic?"
"Then what do you want? A Brand's gift basket, you idiot?" Jet snapped at his best friend. Duang had been thinking all week about what to give Qin after his music performance tomorrow, which was like a mini-exam. It was driving him crazy—no matter what he suggested, nothing seemed good enough.
"He doesn't like flowers."
"Then I don't know anymore, you slut."
"You're so vulgar. It's like you grind rocks before you speak."
"Yeah, I learned from you. It's exhausting."
"I'm more exhausted than you. Every idea I suggest, you shoot it down. What a pain."
Duang wants to die. Consulting Jet never helps, and where the hell is Pae? He's been leaving Duang alone with Jet almost every day.
"Or should I take a picture of him while he's singing and give it to him as a gift?"
"That could work. You already shoot film, he might like that."
"But he's not the type to post pictures."
"Then he won't post it. He'll just keep it for himself."
"Sounds good. I'll shoot the picture, give him the film, and then casually suggest we go develop it at Siam."
"Damn, you're going all the way to Siam? Chill out. You live in Thap Kaew —there are plenty of places to develop film."
"I'm tired of Konthom. I wanna stroll around Paragon."
"I'm gonna smack you—smack, smack!" Jet pounds his fist into his palm as if demonstrating how much he wants to hit Duang. Sure, Jet is from Bangkok, but he doesn't go out as much as others. Meanwhile, Duang is a rich kid from Thonglor, and Qin? He's also from Bangkok, a former all-boys school student in navy shorts.
"Hey."
"What?"
"Did you ever run into Qin before? You were both in the Chaturamitr schools, right?"
"Oh, yeah." Duang's eyes widen.
"I'm tired of idiots. Never ran into him, huh?"
"Never. If I had, I'd remember. I only met him once at the open house, and I chose to study here because of that."
Jet shakes his head. These people transferring schools just to chase a guy—he should report this!
"When I saw him again during the freshman welcome event, my heart melted, Jet. He's so cute."
"He's hot—open your eyes! He's ridiculously handsome."
"I know, I know. But he's cute... on the inside."
"Gross!"
Duang shakes his head furiously, clarifying that he didn't mean it that way. God, talking to Jet makes his head pound like he's about to get a migraine.
He wants to cry."So, the photo idea, right?"
"Yeah."
"Good. Let's end this nonsense. You've been asking all day, and rejecting every suggestion."
"Can't I apologize?"
"No forgiveness. People like you are called sluts."
"You're definitely one." Duang sighs. This must be it—the moment his friend finally comes out.
"I am."
"Right? That's cool. It's the modern age, man."
"I could be your boyfriend." Jet shoves Duang's head with all his strength before strutting off to find something to eat. Talking to Duang is useless— he's a hopeless romantic who only thinks about Qin all day long.
Pathetic.
"Duang!"
"Pae! Where the hell have you been?"
"Had stuff to do. Where's Jet?"
"He's over there."
"Ah, okay. Anyway, I just passed by xxx and saw the jazz kids setting up the stage."
"Huh? Qin didn't tell me anything."
"He's probably busy. I saw him carrying a speaker, but he seemed in a rush, so I didn't say hi.""Alright, I'm gonna go. Gotta help my boyfriend."
"Sure, friend. No status, but your heart's already gone."
"You sound like Jet. I don't want to talk to you anymore." Pae shook his head, watching the sulking guy walk quickly to his car. The power of love always drives this man—the number one lover of Nakhon Pathom.
"Oh, when did you get here?"
"Just now. Duang left already—to see Qin."
"Like a dog, huh? The kind that only loves one owner."
"Yeah, that's accurate."
"So annoying."
"By the way, what did you do to tease him?"
"Just scolded him. I've been updating my vocabulary lately—spending too much time online."
"Sigh, I'm exhausted," Pae sighed, watching his friend's white car drive away from the faculty. Well, what do you expect from a hopeless romantic, right?
A white Mazda was parked in front of the Faculty of Music. It wasn't for anything else—Duang just couldn't decide on a film roll. He planned to hang around and secretly take pictures of Qin since the stage setup. Maybe capture some candid moments, but he'd pretend it was for collecting reference photos for his artwork. He wasn't sure if he could fool Qin, though, because he was notoriously clumsy.
The white university shirt fluttered in the wind. Sharp eyes gazed at the curtain of trees blocking the vast sky. This was what he liked about Qin's faculty. It didn't take long to reach the courtyard where Pae said the jazz kids were setting up the stage. Duang spotted Qin first—not because he was so pale, but because his eyes seemed to automatically lock onto him.Duang chuckled softly to himself when he saw Qin kicking his friend's leg irritably.
The next moment, Qin's gaze slowly shifted toward him as his friends started talking about the 'love bug.' It sounded ridiculously cheesy, but if Qin—his future-boyfriend—called him that, well, he could only laugh along.
"What brings you here, Duang?"
"What wind blew me in? Give me a satisfying answer."
"What kind of answer are you hoping for?" Duang teased Qin's large group of friends back.
"Enough."
"Come on, I was hoping for something like the wind of love."
"Get to work. It's boiling hot," Qin said, turning back to look at Duang with a raised eyebrow, confused by how much he was smiling. His eyes shifted to the Contax T2 in Duang's hand, making him even more suspicious.
"No photos."
"Are you crazy? I'm not even taking pictures of you."
"Don't let me catch you."
"Of course not. But—but—but, I'm not taking pictures of you. I'm here to capture the atmosphere for my artwork," Duang said, watching Qin nod in understanding before turning back to talk with his friends about where to place the equipment. Duang snapped a few photos of Qin from a bit of a distance, including some general shots when the scenery looked nice.
Through the camera, Duang watched Qin plug the bass into the speaker to test the sound. His eyes lingered on the delicate veins running across Qin's arms and hands as he plucked a simple melody. The long fringe falling over his face and that crumpled shirt somehow became even more attractive under the golden light of the setting sun.
Duang slipped the camera back into his pocket—he needed to save the rest of the film for tomorrow. Taking too many pictures might get him caught, and that would be bad.
"Are you hungry?"
"Not yet," Qin pressed his lips together, glancing between his work and the person he'd promised to have dinner with. He wasn't the type to make someone wait, and he didn't want Duang to hang around like this—but at the same time, he wanted him to stay close.
He was getting spoiled.
"Are you bored?"
"Not at all. Do you need any help?"
"No, just need to check the wiring and the lights. Another thirty minutes."
"I can wait, don't overthink it."
"Then stay close... I'm tired." It was rare to see Qin acting clingy, but he deserved to be—Duang had seen how hard Qin had been working to prepare everything these past few weeks. He wanted to ruffle his soft hair as a comfort, but he'd learned by now that Qin didn't like being touched in front of others.
So instead, he reached out and gently held Qin's index and middle fingers, offering a smile.
"Feel better now?"
" ... "
"Let's go eat something delicious."
They say some people climb entire mountains just to see a single smile at the top... or if there's a faint smile from Qin on the other side of the wall, Duang thinks it would never be a waste of time to devote himself and try to cross over.
Qin may not be a prize.
To him, Qin was never a prize.
"Just hold on a little longer, my smart one."
But a gift.
A precious gift he knows he must cherish with all his heart.
__________
They say the chance of someone you like liking you back is one in a hundred. So what are the chances of the person you like throwing themselves into your arms and staying quiet like this for nearly half an hour?
The room isn't exactly quiet because as soon as they came in, Qin turned on the speaker in the middle of the room. Now, that room holds just the two of them, wrapped up in each other's arms in silence. Qin had disappeared into the bathroom for almost twenty minutes, coming out with damp hair and an oversized pajama shirt. Duang remembered that he was about to ask if Qin wanted some warm milk so he could heat it up, but instead, the other just collapsed into his arms like someone who had run out of energy.
Duang absentmindedly pressed his nose against the soft, drying strands of Qin's hair. It's so hard to hold back—like having his favorite cake, the last piece in the entire world, placed right in front of him. And, for heaven's sake, he hopes Qin doesn't mind the sound of his heart pounding too loudly when the other person rests his face against his chest like this.
"Qin."
"Hmm?" That soft, lazy voice replied. Duang only tightened his embrace, pulling the other's slender frame closer—thinner than he expected. Much thinner than how it looked when Qin took off his shirt, and it made him want to hold Qin tighter. But he was afraid of making the pouty one uncomfortable.
"Do you want to talk about anything? I can just listen."
"Just tired, that's all."
"Then... do you want anything?"
"Sing me a song."
"You... I can't do that." Duang held his breath when Qin tilted his eyes up to meet his. Even though their builds weren't all that different, Duang couldn't help but feel like Qin was as small as a kitten or a puppy. No matter what anyone else said, he always saw Qin as someone tiny enough to fit in his arms.
He wanted to squeeze him until he cried, but if anyone was going to end up crying, it would probably be him. Either he'd get punched or kicked—seriously.
"Hurry up."
"Actually, there's this one song I really like, but I never dared to send it to you. I didn't even add it to my playlist."
"Why?"
"Because I'm shy."
"You? Shy?"
"I'm always shy around you. Don't you realize?"
"Can you sing it already?"
Duang wrinkled his neck because it tickled him when Qin rested his chin on his shoulder. It was all so awkward—but not uncomfortable. In fact, thiswas their first real hug. If you don't count the times they accidentally hugged while sleeping, whoever woke up first would know, but neither of them ever mentioned it. Because it was just too embarrassing.
Like that song says—
don't be surprised if I'm still shy.
Yeah... don't be surprised.
"Are you serious?"
"Stop stalling."
"Ahem, ahem."
Qin pressed his chin harder into Duang's shoulder, making him yelp from the ticklish feeling, but when he stole a glance at him, he realized Duang wasn't actually stalling—he was just nervous. His ears were burning red.
"Even if the world is cruel..."
Qin hid his face against Duang's neck because he couldn't hold back his smile.
His voice was as bad as he said it would be—off-key and everything. But damn it, his heart was pounding so hard it made him mad at himself. All he could do was scoot closer to the warmth of the person singing for him, unsure of what else to do.
"I've been through so much alone, it hurt, but it's okay—really."
It's a song he hadn't heard in a long time.
A song he knew was beautiful, but it never really meant much to his heart.
Not until someone handed it to him—infusing it with new meaning."As long as I have you, just you... that's enough. I don't need anything more."
In his heart.
"Just you and me... just the two of us—that's already better than anything else."
And it's true—just like the song says.
As long as he has this, it's enough.
"Feeling better yet?"
"A little more."
"Duang can't sing another song for you. I'm already dying of embarrassment here."
Qin thinks that if relationships are like growing a tree, in order to make it grow and blossom, sometimes you need to add a little fertilizer to keep it thriving.
And he thinks Duang deserves everything.
"You troublemaker... seriously, you. I'm calling you that from now on— always up to something..."
If the chance of someone you like liking you back is one in a hundred...
What are the chances of that person kissing you first?
As long as I have you... just you.
It's this line from the song that echoed in Duang's head when Qin leaned inand kissed him.
Soft lips brushed against his in a lingering touch, moving slowly—just like
when he would sit quietly, sketching a butterfly onto heavy paper. If he hadto paint the first color, it would be blue—because the moment he closed his eyes, that was the color that filled his mind.
Qin's kiss felt like it was below zero degrees, because while Duang's heart melted into liquid, Qin somehow reshaped it—again and again—each beat stronger than the last.
Duang pulled Qin closer by the waist, feeling an overwhelming warmth in his chest as Qin straddled his lap in a position that made his breath hitch.
"Don't bite."
"Sorry..."
Duang said that after kissing back and accidentally biting Qin's lip—he couldn't help it.
Who told him to be this cute?
But whatever—Duang wasn't about to waste another second lost in the haze that made his heart race like this. Who knew how long this feeling would last? And that's exactly why he didn't hesitate to press his lips against Qin's just as he seemed about to say something.
"Mm..."
Qin let out a soft moan against his mouth.
It was too much—too hot. That teasing tongue was making his head spin.
He never thought Duang would kiss so well—or be this bold.
But then again, he never really planned for what would happen next between them.
For either of them.
"You... stop—"Warm hands pressed against the other's waist to stop him from moving. Qin couldn't control himself because Duang's kiss made it impossible for him to stay still, and the hardness beneath the jeans of the person he was sitting on made him understand the meaning of the word 'stop.'
Their heavy breaths filled the air—loud enough to chase the butterflies away.
But Qin knew... they would always come back.
"Endure it."
"If I make it through today, I might just reach enlightenment."
Duang's face felt hot because Qin was laughing with his eyes squinted, not far from him. Their faces were still so close that if he moved just a little, he could press his nose against the other's cheek. There were so many thoughts running through his head—one of them was to push the other down onto the sofa.
But no, better not.
"Good boy."
To him, Qin was worth far more than those things.
___________
"What's wrong with you? This is your favorite place. I'm begging you."
Jet wanted to pour cold water on the person eating like a picky cat who kept flinching like a flustered girl every time Qin glanced his way.
"Duang, what's wrong with you? Just say it straight."
"I'm okay."
"You're not okay, honey. You're not even falling into shrimp paste (You're totally losing it)."
"..."
Qin looked at Duang, who refused to answer and just kept avoiding hisgaze. When Jet pressed him again, he pouted toward Qin, as if saying that he was the reason he was acting this way.
Such a sulky baby.
"Can I ask Khun Qin something? What happened to your heart? You can't control anything."
"It's nothing."
Duang already knew that Qin wouldn't talk about the kiss to anyone because it was way too personal. And he wouldn't either—how could he possibly say it? The reason he was acting weird was all because of that kiss. It wasn't easy to sit there and keep himself together when he felt
so damn uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable... down there.
Down there
T_T
"Alright then. If you two are sulking, make up quickly. Duang's acting like someone who got tricked into being screwed."
"Watch your mouth, Jet."
"Am I wrong? You're acting way too obvious."
"..."
"Or!!"
Jet suddenly yelled. Qin shook his head, laughing softly at Jet's imagination as he pointed back and forth between him and Duang, his eyes wide in realization. Qin took the opportunity while they were arguing toplace a shrimp dumpling into the bowl of the sulking boy. In return, he got a shy smile that made Duang look like a little kid in his eyes.
"Duang's the wife!"
"Shut up, Jet."
"You're acting so suspicious, please. People can tell."
"God, can we just eat in peace for once? I shouldn't have run into you outside Qin's dorm."
"Even if no one invited me, if I saw you two sitting together, I'd still come over!"
Honestly, Duang had a headache. He had no idea what had gotten into his friend to make him this hyper. He massaged his temples before quietly eating his shrimp wonton noodles, knowing that arguing with Jet was a waste of time.
And when he went quiet, of course, Jet turned his attention to bother Qin instead.
"Khun. Qin, are you excited? Tomorrow's a big day."
"Not really excited—more like nervous."
"You can do it! What time is your band performing?"
"Six in the evening."
"I'll definitely be there! What songs are you singing? Can you tell me in advance?" Qin nodded before answering.
"My Cherie Amour.
The other performers are doing a jazz version with a female friend of mine. The other song is jazz-pop—this one I picked myself. The original version is sung by a woman. It's called Cup of Tea."
Duang smiled to himself. He loved it when Qin talked about music because he would go on and on, filled with passion. Honestly, he could hardly wait for tomorrow—it would be the first time he'd get to see Qin perform
seriously on stage.
His talented guy.
"The last song is by Tom Misch. I chose this one because it's got a groove to it. The audience can sway along. The charm of jazz music is in the improvisation and the imagination of the musicians and singers at that moment—pushing it as far as it can go. It's exciting. It keeps you on edge, wondering what's coming next."
"Want to be your wife."
"Wait, wait."
Qin laughed softly because Jet was resting his chin on his hand, looking at him dreamily before blurting that out. But it didn't take long before Duang smacked him on the head, and they started arguing all over again.
The meal ended in a chaotic mess because the two of them wouldn't stop bickering. Qin simply followed behind Duang, who reached out to grab his wrist like he was afraid of getting lost, all while still cursing at his friend.
"I'm not scared of you, Duang."
"Don't mess with Qin again."
"You can race boats, but you can't race fate—don't even dream of it."
"Look at Jet, seriously."
The number one sulker.
Qin shook his head, exasperated by the one who only seemed grown on the outside. Before he realized it, they had already arrived at the dorm. It tooksome effort to finally part ways with Jet, who clearly enjoyed riling Duang up. And this guy—he seriously couldn't take even the slightest teasing.
"Jet was just joking."
"Well, you're the only one I have—of course I'm possessive."
"Funny how you're not shy when it comes to this, huh?" He teased the person pressing the elevator button nearby. Duang turned to glance at him, ears flushed red, and then went back to being the same shy person still hung up on that kiss.
"Maybe I should do it again—it might cure you. You're showing serious symptoms, dude."
"You! How can you even say that? Do it again. Duang is dying here!"
"Pathetic, all talk."
"And what if I'm actually good—wanna find out?"
"..."
"What's wrong, Mr. Talented? Or do you wanna test if there's something better than just talking?"
Qin found himself backed into a corner of the elevator. Thank God no one else was inside. And even with the surveillance camera there, this shameless guy didn't stop teasing him.
Yeah, he totally understood now what it meant to be this embarrassed.
What could be better than talking?
This asshole..."Back off."
"You're just as flustered—I can tell."
"Stop fooling around—this is the elevator."
"So, it's fine if it's in the room?"
"You're unbelievable." Qin clenched his fists tightly.
Play with a dog, and it'll lick your face.
He really shouldn't have messed with him—it just made him bolder.
"Hey, let's brush our teeth."
The owner of the room gazed at the person now wearing his pajamas. Freshly showered, but still dragging himself out for a late-night meal with him. It had become routine to stand side by side like this, brushing their teeth together.
Qin took the toothpaste Duang handed him as he was about to put the toothbrush in his mouth, thinking to himself— What would it take to keep seeing our reflection together in this mirror, over and over?
How could he make that happen?
"Qin, focus when you're brushing."
"Naggy."
"I'll make you brush properly—don't be lazy."
What would it take to keep them together, when he wasn't good at holding onto anything?
"Duang.""Yeah?"
"Do you want me to change anything... I mean, if it would make us better?"
The person being asked furrowed his brow. The cool mint flavor in his mouth shifted into something else when he heard the uncertain tone in Qin'svoice. They say words are the root of all misunderstandings.
"And right now, isn't it already good?"
Qin realized that wanting to have each other for a long time might start with opening up about things that make you feel too ashamed or too shy to say— whether it's out of pride or just because of their age.
But if they could get past that...
It would be even better.
"It's not like that."
"..."
"Out of nowhere, I just thought... if one day I didn't have you anymore, howmbad would that be? And how can I make sure I get to have you for a long time?"
"You'll always have Duang."
Qin lowered his gaze to the bathroom floor. He felt more vulnerable than usual—maybe because of work, maybe because their relationship was moving forward while his heart still worried about the day it might hurt. When the truth is, no matter how good things are— There will be pain.
There will be mistakes.There will be falls.
"I can't guarantee that it'll always be good."
But they had to grow.
"But I can guarantee that you'll have me... No matter how bad things get, I'll still be right here with you."
"Yeah."
"Does that make it better?"
"It's better. And what about you?"
Some people smile when asked a simple question like that—one that really means the other person cares more than they let on. Even though Qin often came off as tough, Duang knew deep down that this was already something special.
It was already so, so special.
"Of course, it's okay. Everything's been okay since the day you told me to just keep trying until you said yes."
"You still remember that?" The pale-skinned man in his favorite pajamas muttered lazily as he finally started brushing his teeth.
"I remember everything about you. Honestly, I was scared as hell that day."
"That was you scared?"
"I practiced in front of the mirror for a whole month."
"What did you even like about me that much?" Duang laughed, his voice teasing.
"Good question. I don't even know what made me like you that much."
"But honestly... I might understand you."
The brown-haired man with playful eyes glanced at the other through the mirror. Our pinkies touched lightly under the dim bathroom light as the two tall guys stood side by side, brushing their teeth together—just like every day before.
"Because I ask myself the same thing every day."
"..."
"I don't know what made me like you this much either."