I looked at Qin, who was driving while humming along to the jazz-pop music he liked, before shifting my gaze to our hands clasped together. It was my hand resting on his lap, and he was holding it loosely.
Feels like a dream... because everything is just so cute.
"Where should we park? I'm too lazy to keep driving around."
"MBK, maybe? I think there are a lot of parking spots."
"Hmm, okay."
Today, we came to Bangkok. There are a lot of things to do, but one thing for sure is that I'll be sending him home. Well, more like to the front of his house—since I've never actually been inside.
"What do you want to eat?"
"Up to you."
"What do you feel like eating?"
His voice softened. We barely saw each other this past week, but since neither of us had classes this Friday, we decided to come to Bangkok together. My mom has been asking about me every day, and tomorrow, Qin has a reunion with his high school friends.
My heart pounded when we stopped at a red light, and he moved our clasped hands to gently touch my cheek.
"Greyhound? You like it."
"Have you ever thought about what you'd do if I pounced on you in the car?"
"I think about dumb stuff like that all the time."
"Then stop being cute."
"I just asked what you wanted to eat and suggested Greyhound—how is that cute?"
I laughed softly because he was starting to get annoyed. We talked about random stuff—the weather, the traffic (even on the expressway), and how it was still jammed as we approached the left turn into MBK.
"Just remembering is already cute, isn't it?"
"And you, remembering everything I do or don't eat at every place—what's that called?"
"Ah, go ahead. Compliment me. I'm waiting."
I grinned excitedly and pressed his hand tighter against my cheek, like a dog waiting for praise from its owner. He sighed before speaking, just as he pulled his hand back to keep driving.
"Cute... very."
"I could die happily now. I don't need anything else."
"Okay, I'll crash into the barrier up ahead then."
"You're so funny."
"Smartass."
It warms my heart.
Honestly, every time he insults me, it warms my heart.It didn't take long for Qin to find a parking spot—he always has luck with stuff like this. We walked side by side toward the elevator, and when I spotted students from my school wandering all over MBK, I asked him something that just crossed my mind.
"You graduated from XX, right?"
"Yeah."
"Hey, haven't we met before, Qin? We've been to Chaturamitr many times."
"I don't like participating in activities. Never saw you at Chaturamitr."
"I carried the school flag, you know!"
"I didn't carry anything. It's hot. It's tiring."
Classic Qin. I laughed softly and ruffled his hair, even though he looked like he wanted to punch me. But something about his earlier answer felt a bit off.
"So, if you never saw me at Chaturamit... have you seen me somewhere else?"
"...Yeah."
"Huh?"
"Around the tutoring center. You studied at MMM, right?"
I nodded, completely dumbfounded. My first memory of him was during our university registration. He was pale and tall—tall enough for me, who was about the same height, to spot him easily in the crowd. Back then, he seemed annoyed to me, but after getting to know him, I realized that's just his usual expression—he's always hot and hates chaos.
We had planned to develop film at Yelo House before grabbing lunch and shopping. Qin refused to use the photo lab near our university, saying,
"There's only one roll—if it gets messed up, there's no getting it back." He wanted to use a place he trusted, which made me smile because it meant he genuinely cared about the things I gave him.
See? How could I not call that cute?
"You actually remember Duang?"
"Well, I saw you a lot. You were always dropping off your female friend at the BTS."
"Sounds like a love story—like in a romance movie."
"Self-centered. I remember because you dressed flashy and had a sassy face."
"Well, yeah. I put in some effort when I went to tutoring. Dressed up a bit in case I ran into someone cute."
"You're as flirty as you claim to be."
"That was back then, okay? Back then."
"Come on, stop fussing." He scolded me as I rubbed my face against his shoulder while we were alone in the elevator. The distance from MBK to the film development shop was quite far—maybe because of the heat. Even I, someone who doesn't mind the heat, felt it was too much. I couldn't imagine how Qin, who absolutely hates the heat, must be feeling.
"Are you okay?" I reached out to shield him from the sun. The light hitting his pale skin made him glow like a light bulb. He was wearing a plain white shirt, jeans, and sneakers—but damn, everyone was looking at him.
"You walk ahead."
"Okay." I was confused about why he wanted me to go first, but when he placed his hand on my waist and moved closer behind me, I realized he was using me to block the sun. I chuckled softly.
We're the same height—how much shade could I really provide?
"Tiptoe a bit."
"Calm down, will you? Haha."
"I'm hot."
"Do you want to wait at the art gallery? I'll go to the shop and come back."
"No. Let's go together."
I turned to look at him, already starting to pout. We walked for a while until we found a shaded alley. Seeing him drenched in sweat made me feel unexpectedly sympathetic.
Poor little rich kid.
"So, have you ever come here with someone else? How do you know about this place?"
"A friend."
"A friend—really?" I teased, but his expression changed, and then he told me something I had never heard before.
Come to think of it, we never really talked about things like this. I guess it's because I was too focused on just us.
" ... "
"A friend who didn't just think of me as a friend."
"But I wouldn't exactly say we were talking. I was probably the one being thoughtless and cruel."
He said as he pushed open the door to Yelo House. The cool blast of air conditioning brushed against my sweat-damp skin. And suddenly, pieces of the puzzle started coming together in my head.
"So, does that mean you'll see him this Saturday?"
"Pretty much."
"And you haven't spoken to him again since, right?" I asked softly. He nodded before explaining.
"When he told me how he felt, I said I only saw him as a friend and didn't want to take it further. After that, we stopped talking, even though we used to be close and hang out all the time. Was that cruel?"
"Yeah, a little." He pressed his lips together, looking uneasy at my answer.
I wanted to tell him that I didn't really think he was cruel—at least, not to me. Not to us. And not permanently. He was just cruel to someone else in a particular moment.
But honestly, when one person's feelings race far ahead, being upfront like that is probably the kindest form of cruelty.
"Go drop off the film first. I'll wait here."
"Okay."
Qin walked into the small shop alone. I watched him through the glass as he calmly handed over the film I had taken. His cheeks were tinged with a faint pink, and I couldn't help but smile as it hit me—whatever happened before, I have him now.
And he's still here with me.
"All done."
"It should be ready by 2 PM. This place works fast."
"Do you think the photos will turn out nice?"
"When you're photographing someone you like, even if it's blurry, it's still beautiful." Qin rolled his eyes.
We walked back to Siam together without speaking much. I figured it was better to let him process everything on his own.
When our eyes met, it felt like there was a ticking time bomb between us. I slid into the seat across from him in a dimly lit restaurant, even though the sun was blazing outside. And then he finally spoke.
"Ready to listen?"
"Yeah."
Qin told me, in a straightforward way, that his friend was from a different academic track, but they had grown close and hung out together often. And like the idiot I am, I finally realized—he went to an all-boys school. So, the friend he used to talk to was a guy. He went on to say that he's talked to both girls and guys before, but he never really wanted to pursue anything serious with anyone. It was just like any other one-sided love, and in those kinds of relationships,
Qin was always the one who ended up being the heartbreaker.
"I didn't really want to go, but the teacher I'm close with is retiring."
"Maybe he's already accepted it, I'm guessing."
"Not yet... Yesterday, he was still sending me drunk texts, rambling as always."
"Oh, I'm starting to get jealous."
"I don't like him. I've never liked him like that."
"What kind of 'like' then?"
"Like how I like you, maybe."
I was frustrated with myself for not being able to pull him into a hug right then.
"And stop looking so sad already. You're not the only one in love here."
"..."
"You're not the only one in love with me, Duang."
The way he tries so hard to protect my feelings—even though he's never done that for anyone else—
Isn't it something worth holding onto tightly?
__________
"Not the black shirt."
"Huh? Why not? I think it looks okay on me."
The tall guy in the fitting room argued with me in front of the large mirror. Qin shook his head—not because it looked bad, but because it looked
too
good.
"You need to give me a reason. It's not even expensive.""It is."
"Wow, coming from the guy who wears 30,000-baht shoes—are you even
allowed to judge me?"
"You're such a pain in the ass."
"Give me a reason. If it makes sense, I won't buy it."
"Then just buy it."
See? This is exactly how he is.
Duang laughed to himself—he already knew Qin was being possessive. Hisolder brother always said he looked good in dark-colored shirts, too. Stubborn as ever. Fine, if he doesn't want me to buy it, I won't.
"Are you going to try this one on?"
"Yeah."
Qin pulled off the shirt he was wearing as he answered. No matter how many times it happens, Duang would never get used to seeing that fair skin and that stubborn face. He swallowed hard, watching Qin slowly put on the light blue sweater. Qin mentioned he'd be going to Japan with his family next month, and since the weather would be cool, buying it wasn't a bad idea.
"Is it okay?"
The owner of the dark brown hair watched someone through the mirror. Hehad never seen Qin wear blue before—he looked ridiculously cute. Softer, sweeter...
God, he was going insane.
"Not okay?"
"It's okay. There's something I want to say, but you probably won't like it."
"Good. Don't say it then."
Duang placed his hand on Qin's hip as the other took off the sweater and tossed it into the basket where they agreed to put the clothes they wanted to buy. Anything they didn't want, they'd return.
Before he realized it, Qin's back was pressed against his chest—maybe because Duang had pulled him closer. He pressed a kiss to Qin's bare shoulder like he was intoxicated. Qin smelled so good, his skin soft andsmooth. Duang trailed kisses up to the nape of his neck, overwhelmed with
how much he missed him.
It was Qin who turned his face slightly and told him to stop. But when Duang saw those pretty lips, he couldn't resist leaning in for another kiss.
"You're crossing the line."
Qin pulled back to scold him, but Duang kissed him again—deeper this time. The white-skinned boy parted his lips, letting him sweep his tongueinside. Qin's movements were slow and natural. The kiss lingered longer than usual—maybe because they missed each other.
A warm hand slid lower—low enough to touch the curve of the other's backside through his favorite pair of jeans.
"Asshole," the one being groped whispered against his lips.
"Do you think people outside would know?"
"..."
"Would they know that your face is all red, you're panting like a puppy, and you're getting bullied by me like this?"
Qin didn't answer. Instead, he pressed a third kiss to get back at the person treating him like he was some little kid. Duang's back hit the fitting room wall. The black shirt he was wearing— the one he probably wouldn't get to buy because someone was too possessive—was being unbuttoned one by one.Qin's lips trailed downward, nibbling gently on his lower lip before kissing along his chin, down his neck, and further until he reached the center of his chest.
"Your heart is beating so fast."
And Duang knew it pounded even harder when he saw that teasing smile on Qin's face. A sharp jolt of pain spread through his body when the other bit down on his right chest, leaving a red mark behind.
"Now the one getting bullied is you."
"I wanna drag you back to my room."
"Keep dreaming."
"I wanna go right now and not let you leave for three days straight."
"Don't touch me. It's hot," Qin snapped, swatting away the hand reaching for his waist. But Duang didn't care—he rested his chin on Qin's shoulder, watching as the pale boy shook out his t-shirt to put it back on.
"Already got me, then tossed me aside, huh?"
"When did I ever get you?"
"All the time."
"Get out and pay already. You've been in here forever,"
Duang finally pulled back to let Qin put his shirt on and took his own shirt when Qin tossed it over.
"I wanna stay and deal with a certain brat."
"You can't do anything to me. Weakling."
"I'm serious, Duang's hard right now.""Gross."
"Wanna try being on the receiving end?"
Qin kicked at him when Duang lifted his shirt to show off the fresh kiss mark on his right chest, smirking like an idiot. Not that Qin was much better—he'd gotten his fair share of marks too—but no one was as easy to rile up as Duang.
"Get out."
"I'm so uncomfortable."
"Go to the bathroom."
"You want me to take care of it here in Siam? People are gonna think I'm a pervert."
"Well, aren't you? You get turned on too easily,"
Qin grumbled, carrying the basket of clothes to the counter to pay—using his own card. Duang's eyes widened as he fumbled to grab his wallet, but it was too late. He'd beenplanning to buy them for Qin.
"I have more clothes. I'll pay for them myself."
"How's that fair?"
"I can buy them for you. It's not a big deal."
"This is almost seven thousand, you know?"
"It's just two items."
"You..."
"Who told you to wear expensive stuff?"
"Your stuff is over ten thousand, Qin. Be serious," Duang muttered, wanting to drag him back and scold him. But Qin, looking all smug, just ignoredhim and walked ahead with the shopping bag in hand.
"Hey."
"Hmm?"
"What time are you going to school tomorrow?"
"Probably late morning. I'll go when I wake up."
"Want me to take you?"
"Are you gonna pick me up?"
"Do you want me to? I can."
"You really want to, don't you?"
He liked that.
That we both care about each other, even though sometimes the way we show it might be a little different.
"Duang wants to go."
"Then come pick me up. You can come a bit early and have breakfast together first."
"Huh?"
"What?"
"You're letting me into your house now?"
"I didn't let you in before because the traffic would be bad on the way back, so I told you to leave quickly."
"Then Duang will get to meet your mom and dad, right?"
"Not yet. They're not home. They went to check out some perfumes."
Duang nodded repeatedly before grabbing Qin's wrist and turning left because he wanted to stop by and buy new watercolor paints and brushes.
We chatted about random things, and when the topic of family came up, it reminded him of something.
"Hey, hey. On Saturday, can Duang come pick you up too?"
"Are you that free, or are you lonely?"
"No! I just want to pick you up and drop you off everywhere."
"Keep doing it forever then."
"Duang's been doing it all along. Don't you know that?"
"Well, I know... And I'm thankful every time too."
"See, so cute."
A warm finger poked Qin's cheek, which he immediately swatted away. Qin raised his hand like he was about to hit him. Duang shut his eyes tight, pretending to be weak, but only got a light kick on the leg before the pale- skinned guy walked into the art supply store first.
"Qiiiin~"
"What now? You're giving me a headache."
"So, if I pick you up, can we have lunch at Duang's house?"
"..."
"Mom and P'Nan want to meet you. Dad won't be home."
"Are you serious?"
"Of course, I'm serious. I've never brought anyone home before, you know? By the end of the year, we can even get married."
"Marry your face."
Qin pretended to be annoyed even though, in reality, his heart was pounding, and his hands were starting to get cold—something he couldn't control. Are we really at this point already?
"What will you introduce me as?"
"Not a friend because you said we never were."
"Mm. Good answer."
Duang watched as Qin picked out his usual brand of paintbrush, even knowing the exact number he preferred—like he remembered Duang complaining about the old one being worn out and not working well.
We locked eyes.
Long enough to make Duang's heart race.
"I'll introduce you as my soon-to-be boyfriend."
And that's just it. I still like him just as much as the first day I started liking him.
__________
"So, how are you doing, Qin?"
"Same as always. You?"
"It's tough. Shouldn't have chosen medicine.""
You chose it, so it means it's the right choice. Hang in there."
I told my friend that. We were sitting by the soccer field where we used toplay almost every evening. I had just met several teachers who were retiring this Monday.
Time passed so quickly that I only just realized I was about to finish my first year of university. Next year, I'll have to welcome the freshmen, even though it still feels like Iwas just a freshman myself yesterday.
"Has Jazz killed you yet?"
"Almost... but it's not too bad. My friends are great."
"You'll survive. If you get into a good social circle in university, you'll be fine."
"But nowhere's gonna be like this place."
I looked at the school flag fluttering in the wind. The familiar atmosphere brought back memories—both the good and the bad—but I made it through everything. That was when someone dropped down beside me. Looking back on most of my high school years, his presence was always there in some way.
"Hey, hotshot."
"Hey."
"Reply to my texts sometimes, will you?"
"You drunk-text nonsense. It's annoying."
"Got a boyfriend yet?"
"Will have one soon."
"Be serious, Qin."
"I am serious."
His name is Tiw, from 'Tiw Khao' (mountain ridge). I don't really know how popular he is, but he's been modeling for magazines since we were in grade 11. Whenever we went to Siam, I got so bored having to wait while he chatted with his fans. But in the end, it was me, the one he confessed his feelings to.
I liked him too.
But not more than a friend.
"I'm heartbroken, just like that."
"Haven't given up yet?"
"Nope, but I'm not gonna bother you anymore. I've figured things out."
"..."
"Sorry for making you uncomfortable. I guess I can't change anyone's heart."
I sighed and turned to look at him staring blankly at the sky. I remembered how we had a pretty bad fight. He couldn't understand when I said I didn't like him that way. He kept asking why I was so nice to him if I didn't feel the same—asking while crying like that. I didn't know how to answer without making things worse.
Because we're friends.
And friends aren't supposed to cross that line.
"Did he drop you off this morning?"
When someone already has feelings, no matter what you do or where you go, they'll overthink everything.
"Yeah."
"A guy, right?"
"Do you see him as a girl?"
"Why isn't it me? I'm asking myself—you don't have to crush my feelings."
Tiw laughed softly before turning to look at me. He stared for a long time, like he was reminiscing... and maybe he was. It showed in his eyes.
"Can I ask... why is it him?"
"And if I answer, then what?"
"In case I might finally give up for real... You've never been like this before, Qin. Posting him on your Instagram story while he's sleeping. At first, I thought he was just a friend—I even felt sorry for him, thinking maybe he was just a friend like how you let me be."
I looked down at our sneakers—still the same model. That day, when I bought them and Tiw bought them too, I didn't think anything of it. I just figured we probably liked the same things. But after a while, I started to understand—he wanted something special between us.
And in the end, I became the perfect villain.
"But the longer I saw him, the more I saw him, I knew he wasn't. He's more special than everyone else."
Duang once told me that we're always the villain in someone's story. And at the same time, we can be the most precious person in someone else's world.
"I can't answer why it's him."
"..."
"Even though he came into my life just like everyone else... Somehow, I just knew that one day, I'd be smiling, laughing, crying with him—and I wouldn't regret a single moment. If it's right, it's right. One look in his eyes, and I knew. I don't know if there needs to be any other reason."
That's what I said.
I said it because I really didn't know any reason.
Why Duang? Why him?
"With him... I want to try. I want to do things. I want to give."
Or maybe there are too many reasons—so many that I'm tired of explaining them.
"No conditions at all."
"Has he changed you this much, Qin? You're not the person I used toknow."
"No, Tiw. I haven't changed."
Because it's true—I haven't changed at all.
I'm not forcing myself to be anyone else. I'm still me. It's just that everything is slowly being unlocked. If I'm the padlock, then he's the key. He opens me up, revealing parts of myself that have always been there.
"It's just that... I've never shown this side of myself to anyone before."
That's how it is.
"Does he treat you well?"
"Well enough that I'm spoiled now."
I shook my head, exasperated, thinking about how he brings me breakfast even though I've told him there's already a housekeeper to cook for me. Orhow he kneels down to tie my shoelaces while my friends are blowing up my phone, telling me to hurry.
"Then I guess I should feel relieved."
"Grow up, Tiw. No matter how much it hurts, you still have to move forward."
"You're consistently heartless, huh?"
"I'm just being honest."
"I hope you cry your heart out because of him."
"Duang would never make me cry, Tiw."
I smiled softly to myself because I truly believe that the last thing Duang would ever do is make me cry—at least, not from something bad. He carries almost everything on his own. He rarely does anything to make me feel bad.
He does everything without needing to change a thing.
It's just me and him.
"Because there's nothing I'm more sure of than us."
And I believe that there won't be any tears because of something bad...
It's just us.