We sat holding hands in silence as the end credits rolled. I glanced at Qin, who was listening to the music and lost in thought. He always did this every time we watched a movie he liked—he would appreciate everything: the visuals, the colors, the script, the music. He would stay until it truly ended, unlike me, who never did that no matter how much I liked the movie.
I grabbed some popcorn with the hand that wasn't holding his and popped it into my mouth, chewing while watching his face. It wasn't long before he got annoyed, probably because I was staring at him like he was the movie itself.
"What? What did I do to you, hmm?"
"You're annoying."
"You say that every day."
"Because you really are annoying."
He grumbled before shaking off my sweaty hand when the theater fell completely silent—the movie had truly ended. I casually followed Qin out while carrying the popcorn bucket. Today, he was wearing the student uniform which I had ironed for him. I told him to let me do it since he had a presentation and I didn't want the professor to get mad.
And honestly, when he was sitting around shirtless this morning, waiting for me to finish ironing—he was so damn cute.
"Hey, hey."
"What now?"He looked up at me because we were standing on different steps of the escalator. I shook my head like it was nothing—I just wanted to tease him.
It was right then that my phone buzzed in my pocket. The number was saved under 'Don't Answer' because every time we talked, it gave me aheadache. Seeing him at school was already exhausting—now he had to call while I was watching a movie with Qin?
Fine.
"What do you want, you pain in the ass?"
[Duang! You slut.]
"Go find yourself a partner instead of bothering me. I'm with Qin—I'll give you fifteen seconds to talk."
[Wow, fifteen seconds? Not even enough time to curse you properly.]
"Just say it. What's the big deal?"
[Good news. I've got some tea.]
"What? Did you win the football pool?"
And that earned me a pinch on the side from Qin for talking about football. I quickly shook my head to reassure him—"Not me, it's Jetana!"
See? Always causing problems for me.
[Do you know the 'Hot Guys of Our University' page?]
"Yeah, I've seen girls freaking out about it. What about it?"
[Well, some eagle-eyed bastard spotted your ankle tattoo and paired it with
Qin's.]
"..."
[And now, the internet is losing its mind. It's wild.]
"Be serious—what do you mean by 'wild'?"
[Everyone knows you two have something going on now. They even traced it back to the tattoo shop. Remember when you guys got your tattoos and let them post a picture of your matching ankles? No one knew whose feet were whose back then. But now, with the page stirring things up, people did some digging and pieced it all together.]
"Dude, my heart is racing."
[Congratulations, champ. The whole university knows you're secretly hooking up now.]
"Just as I wanted."
I grinned widely while Qin, who was picking out household items, gave me a confused look—he had no idea what I was talking about with Jetana. I touched his waist to remind him to grab more fabric softener. He nodded and moved along, grabbing things here and there. From where I stood, I could confirm—he was so wife material.
Amazing.
What a great day.
Blessed.
[Oh, and apparently, there are people from both your faculties commenting that you two have been talking since freshman orientation. They don't know the details, but those close to you guys already figured it out.]
"Of course they did. I'm with him almost all the time, and people still think we're just friends—idiots."
[Well, duh. Qin's such a manly guy, and you're just... insanely hot. Daddy's proud.]
"Obviously. I'm on another level."
[I give you one compliment and you blow it way out of proportion.]
"I'm satisfied. At least people will stop bothering him now. I've been chasing him for almost a year—those little puppies can take a break."
I wanted to scream out loud from sheer joy. This was the best—I loved it when people finally realized Qin was mine. Officially.
[By the way, I'm still confused—how did they even get a picture of your ankles? I didn't even get to see your tattoo when you first got it.]
"Right? Their eyesight is crazy sharp."
[Anyway, just wanted to let you know. Tell Qin, too—he might be surprised if people start asking questions.]
"Got it, thanks, Jetana."
[Goodbye, then~]
I hung up the call, unable to stop smiling, which earned me a side-eye from Qin.
"You should see a doctor—I can take you."
"Huh? Why?"
"You keep smiling like that, you're scaring people."
"Ter, ter, listen to me first."
"You've been calling me 'ter', 'ter' all day," he grumbled while reaching for shampoo and tossing it into the cart. I pushed the cart along, tugging at the hem of his shirt repeatedly to get his attention.
"Someone found out about our ankle tattoos. They compared the pictures and even pulled up the ones from the tattoo shop—it's on the university's cute boy fan page." (there's always cute boy fan page in every bl xD)
"And?"
"Uh... aren't you surprised?"
"Hm."
"Why are you so calm?"
"People ask all the time."
"What?" I gasped. He didn't seem to care much, he just kept comparing the labels on two coffee brands while casually replying as if he'd answered this question a dozen times already.
"Yeah, people always ask—did you get matching tattoos? Are you two talking? Stuff like that."
"And you just tell them the truth?"
"Yeah, why would I hide it?"
"But I thought you didn't want the hassle."
"It's our business. Other people are the ones poking their noses in."
" ... "
"But whatever. As long as you're at ease, that's enough for me." I let out a soft sigh—not for any particular reason, just because he was being too good to me. I couldn't resist leaning in to press a light kiss on his shoulder and murmuring a quiet "thank you."
We kept shopping, loading up our cart with all sorts of things until we ended up in the condom aisle. I nearly tripped over my own feet when Qin stopped there and asked me."Which one?"
"Qin!"
"What? Safe sex, right?"
"Are you—are you planning to have sex with me?"
"I'm just buying them. I'm not letting you go raw," he said with a straight face, while I, on the other hand, was blushing so hard that I wanted to crawl under the cart. He casually picked up different boxes of condoms and lube, inspecting them one by one.
Holy shit. Is this really my life right now?
The guy who's supposed to be on the receiving end is out here asking me what size condoms to buy.
"Size 56 mm."
Did he just underestimate me?
"Are you fooling yourself?"
"We can measure it in the bathroom right now if you want."
"Shut up."
"As if you've never touched it before."
"Asshole," Qin muttered, his cheeks flushing pink as we bickered over condom sizes right there in front of the display. Eventually, he tossed the selected boxes into the cart.
"I'm getting K-Y. My friend said the other brand stings after a while."
"Qin, you even asked your friends about this?"
"Yeah. Why are you so curious, Duang?"
"If you're not comfortable, we don't have to do it. I'm serious."
"It's not that I'm uncomfortable—I just want to do it right."
" ... "
"We'll try it out first and adjust as we go."
"You're really sweet to me, you know that?"
"If you call me sweet one more time, I'll use the entire box on you myself," he threatened, pushing the cart toward the checkout counter. My heart pounded in my chest—because damn, that line was way too hot.
I'll write it down right now.
I'm definitely saving this to tell him later.
Just wait and see!
_________
"So, uh... on P*rnhub, do they have guy-on-guy videos?"
"I want real-life experience, though."
"I've never done it with a guy! Should I go try it out for your sake, you slut?" Jet groaned dramatically.
"Or should I read through Pantip threads instead? What do you think, Pae?"
"I don't think it's that different from doing it with a girl—but you gotta prepare properly because of, well... anatomy."
"Oh wow, and now we've summoned the health ed teacher," Pae snarked, giving Jet a light smack on the head for joking around at the wrong time.
Honestly, Duang had been stressing about this topic since last week—he even called to freak out because Qin had bought condoms and lube, then left them in his room.Seriously, he was buzzing with excitement.
"He's pretty bold, huh? You're not even officially dating yet."
"Right?!"
"I was shocked too. But Qin said he's a guy, and besides, you won't know until you try. He said he doesn't want it to become an issue once we're together—he wants us to be as ready as possible when we make it official."
"I get where he's coming from, though. Honestly, he's super careful about this relationship."
"Of course—look at him. You know how artists are, right?"
"Yeah. When they love, they love hard. And when they hurt, it wrecks them," Jet nodded knowingly before adding,
"And you're no different, Duang. If you mess it up, and he dumps you, you'll cry your heart out too."
"He's not gonna dump me!"
"Keep telling yourself that. So, do you know what you're doing or not, huh? Got any hands-on experience?" Duang locked his close friend's neck before using his fist to make it all over his head. He had run out of patience.
"Do your research, Duang—know your enemy, win every battle," Pae said, gripping Duang's shoulder with a dramatic look of determination.
"I heard if he's on top, it won't hurt as much. And you can help him out too."
"Dude... just imagining it is making me lightheaded."
"Same," Jet groaned, collapsing onto the table. This was insane— suggesting Qin be on top? Why did he even say that? Just lock him up already—he's too far gone.
"But hey, the view's probably amazing, right?"
"Pae, shut up. I'm weak. I can't handle this."
"Hey, hey—Qin's here," Pae suddenly pointed out. Duang turned to look in the direction Pae was gesturing. Wait—Qin? At his faculty? Normally, if Qin planned to visit, he'd give a heads-up. But earlier, when they were chatting, all Qin did was ask where he was—then he left Duang on read without replying.
"Khun Qinnnn"
"Hey."
"I missed you so much~"
"Wow, Jet—you can even mess up your words when you're talking, huh?"
"I can do anything for love."
"Get lost," Qin muttered, but Jet ignored him, wrapping his arms around Qin's waist. Qin, ever calm and sweet-smelling, gave him a brief hug in return, patting his shoulder lightly. What a softie.
"Don't let him hug you like that," Duang pouted.
"Share a little—your friends are lonely too, you know,"
"Shut up, Pae."
"Duang."
"Yes?" Pae burst into laughter as Duang's voice and expression softened immediately. People always seem to have a different tone when talking to someone they like—and Duang was no exception. Honestly, it was impressive that Qin hadn't smacked him for being such a handful.
"Are you free?"
"I'm free now. My classes are done, and I don't have any work left."
"Go shoot the MV."
"Huh?"
"Duang is the female lead in the MV!" Jetana screamed.
"Qin, let me ask you seriously."
"Get up."
"Terr, Duang doesn't like being in front of the camera. Can I not go?"
"It's important. Get up first."
"Qiiin!"
Pae and Jetana watched their best friend being dragged away by his situationship. The way Duang was acting all fussy made them wonder— could he really be the husband in this relationship? But who knows... maybe in bed—
"Are you thinking the same thing I'm thinking, Pae?"
"Yeah."
"Do you think he can handle it? I kinda want to step in and supervise."
"You're just being nosy."
"It's like being a porn director. 'A little harder, please. Move to the left. Not yet—hold on, hang in there. You've got more in you!'"
Jet burst into laughter at the thought of actually having to direct Duang on what to do in bed.
"Stuff like this, you gotta go with the flow."
"What surprises me the most is that Qin agreed.""I'm not surprised. I think he's the type who prefers not to do the work—too tiring."
"Adorable, huh?"
"They call it fate—if you're meant to be together, you won't be apart."
"They just click perfectly."
"Now all that's left is for you to get a wife, Jet."
Pae looked at his friend with hope.
A guy like Jet...
"Ugh, I don't want one. Those girls, ugh."
"Whatever, man. It's up to you."
Could this guy really get a girlfriend?
"Do you understand the brief?"
"..."
"Nong?"
"Youu..."
Duang, like a child, tugged on the hem of Qin's shirt. He didn't answer the senior from Qin's faculty who kept repeating the question about whether he understood the plot. Suddenly being cast as the male lead in an MV—he was losing his mind.
Just smiling in front of the camera was already nerve-wracking enough. The fact that he managed to get through the university photoshoot last time was nothing short of a miracle.
"Can I talk to Duang for a second?"
"Yeah, sure. Let me know, and be quick—the light's going to fade soon, and we need to shoot the sunset scene."
The senior walked out to prepare things outside the room of someone Duang didn't even know. The atmosphere inside felt like a loser's bachelor pad—scraps of paper, photos, cigarette packs, beer cans, and clothes scattered all over the floor. Qin said the senior had already set up the scene, they just needed the actors.
"Qin, I can't do this. It's too hard."
"Just be sad."
"But I'm not sad!"
"Then I'll dump you."
"I'm already crying! Apologize! How could you say that? You jerk."Qin chuckled softly, ruffling the hair of the guy slumped on the bed. He understood that it was too much to ask from Duang. But he was here helping his senior direct the MV because the artist was also an alum of their faculty. Even though they used people from other faculties to shoot the MV, everything was still interconnected. The original male lead had broken his leg in a car accident the night before.
Qin couldn't think of anyone better to play the role of a heartbroken guy than Duang, the one who always smiled at him.
"You, this is really too difficult."
"Just listen first, okay?"
"Qin..."
"Okay?"
It's always me.Duang wanted to lie down and cry while the camera filmed him right now. He had no choice—the moment Qin reached out, intertwined their fingers, and looked at him with those sweet eyes asking to explain, he was doomed.
Qin plugged in his earphones and played the song. The lyrics and melody made Duang's chest ache, even though he had never been heartbroken before. It was a beautiful song, and he finally understood why Qin wanted the MV to be perfect.
The story was about a man who could never forget his first love during the rainy season, forever trapped in a winter filled with lingering memories.The bass solo and the singer's soothing voice made Duang certain—the song was definitely going to be a hit.
"I recorded the bass myself."
"What? When did you sneak that in?"
"The senior asked me to help. It's his band."
"You're so talented. Why don't you just perform yourself? You look good even when you're just sitting still."
"Nah. I've never been the main picture. How about you?"
The faint smile on Qin's face made Duang's heart race. He lowered his gaze to their intertwined hands and whispered that he'd try his best. But if it didn't work out, he wanted Qin to find someone else, or they'd waste time on an amateur like him. Qin nodded in agreement and told him to follow him out to the balcony.
It felt so real—the room and the balcony filled with bougainvillea pots.
"There's a smoking scene. I know you don't smoke."
"My mom's gonna kill me."
"It's just for the MV. If she yells, I'll talk to her. Okay?"
"She loves you—of course, she'll listen. I'm just like a stray dog."
"Stop whining."
Qin ruffled Duang's hair as he handed him a cigarette he had tapped out of the pack. With a concentrated look, he taught Duang how to light it because fumbling too much would obviously give away that it was his first time.
"When you see the flame catch, inhale—yeah, just like that."
He stole a glance at Duang, who carefully took in his first puff. Soon after, Duang exhaled a plume of pale smoke into the air. Qin had already told him not to inhale too deeply—just take it in and let it out.
"I almost choked, but you taste so sweet."
"Sweet?"
"Yeah, no wonder. Every time I kiss you, it's always sweet on my tongue."
"Shit."
"Alright, I'm ready. There's no crying scene, right?"
"No, but it's like he almost cries, and then they cut to another scene."
"Is it the lingering kind of sadness? Stuck in a loop?"
"Yeah, just think about something that makes you sad—like a memory you wish never happened—and let yourself sink into that thought. You don't even have to look at the camera; it'll capture everything you're feeling. The director's good, and you're good too."
It's strange how just one person's words can make you believe you really are as good as they say...Maybe it's love that's pushing life in this direction.Duang watched Qin's back as he walked out to check in with the senior.
After a bit more briefing, the first scene began. Duang, who was only wearing jeans, stood in front of the sink. His eyes fixed on the mirror in the bathroom as the music filled the loser's apartment. He let his thoughts drift while splashing water on his face, wiping it away with his palm, quietly thinking to himself—being a loser isn't so bad. Just knowing you've lost and accepting it is already cool enough.
At least he did his best.
"..."
But still, he lost anyway—what else could he do?
"That's good... really good."
The director praised him, the same guy who had been yelling half an hour ago, saying he couldn't act. But look at him now. It was like he was mocking himself for being heartbroken and stuck in place—his lips curved into a bitter smile, but his eyes... they were heartbreakingly sad.
Qin watched Duang through the monitor. The room fell into silence as they all observed Duang walk to the fridge, grab a beer, and take a sip. Qin had no idea what was running through his head, but when Duang collapsed onto the sofa and covered his face, crying—Qin's heart felt like it had disappeared somewhere.
The song kept playing, telling the story of a man trying to live his life to forget the past, but never being able to. Memories from the rainy season always came back to hurt him in the winter.
That's what the song said.
"You okay?"
"Huh..." Duang shook his head, eyes red and puffy from crying so hard that even after the director called 'cut,' he still couldn't stop. Qin walked over, cupping Duang's tear-streaked face.
"Wipe your tears first."
"I can't stop crying."
"What are you thinking about? Can you tell me?"
"You told me to think about you leaving..." Duang confessed with a whiny voice.
"I said to think about the thing you'd least want to happen."
"Well... that's you leaving me. I—I don't want it to happen. Even the beer tastes bitter."
"Isn't it always bitter?"
Duang sobbed like a child, and all Qin could do was stroke his hair to comfort him. The next scene needed him to stop crying—he had to besomeone who was used to loneliness, someone who let the weight ofsadness settle on his chest, living each day just to get through it, even though he never truly did.
"You did amazing—really amazing."
"Really?"
"Really."
And Qin knew he would never let their story end up like that.
"You're the best, Duang."
No one would ever have to shed tears over this relationship they had both
nurtured and protected so carefully.
_________
"Drink with me."
"Pass it here."
"But don't get drunk."
"Just one can of beer—who's gonna get drunk?" Duang shrugged, still shirtless since they were waiting to shoot the next scene. His sharp eyes watched the person beside him take a big gulp of beer before lighting a cigarette. Lately, he hardly saw Qin smoke, maybe just during class. Duang never tried to stop him or tell him to quit.
He trusted that Qin knew himself well enough.
"Tired?"
"A little. Feeling sad makes everything feel heavy."
"I'll take you to get some food later."
"You probably just want to eat yourself, fatty."
"Fatty your ass."
"Careful, or I'll take you to meet my dad." Duang threatened back, but Qin wasn't scared. The pale-skinned boy kicked him lightly to make him scoot away. At this point, there weren't many people on set since most of the crew had gone out to get something to eat, so there was no reason to be all over each other.
"There's no one around. Can I lean on your shoulder?"
"Leaning's fine. Anything more, and you're getting kicked."
"So mean."
"Hurry up and lean already."He liked it—being able to act weak so Qin would comfort him, or resting his head on Qin's shoulder. The faint smell of cigarette smoke drifted in the air before being replaced by the scent of Qin's cologne. They didn't say anything more, just quietly watching the sun slowly sink lower.
"Qin."
"Hm?"
"Don't break my heart, okay?"
The one being asked didn't answer.
Qin put out his cigarette and softly ran his hand over Duang's head as he continued leaning on him.
"I love every day I get to spend with you."
Sometimes, verbal promises don't mean anything.Not leaving means not leaving—simple as that. Because without Duang...
"Like today, I thought I wouldn't be able to do it, but I did... because you were here with me."
Qin wouldn't be able to go on either.
"You're amazing, you know."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
They say love doesn't need to follow a formula.
Qin never planned to fall in love.He didn't plan how their story would unfold, but as long as they were together...
As long as there was him and Duang...
"You made me love you this much."
"..."
And they would keep going, just the two of them.
"How could you not be amazing?"
It was the first time Duang ever heard Qin say 'I love you.' Even though sometimes, he would wake up in the middle of the night to find Qin watching him while he slept—pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, telling him to close his eyes and go back to sleep. Duang didn't know exactly what Qin was doing, but he could guess—it was just another way for someone who wasn't great with words to say 'I love you.'
Or maybe... Qin wasn't bad with words. He just spoke when it really mattered.
"Crying again?"
"How could I not?"
Qin chuckled softly, adjusted Duang to stand properly, and cupped his face, wiping away the tears again with his thumb. He had planned not to make him cry anymore... but it wasn't so bad, right? It wasn't like he made Duang cry out of pain. Instead, he made Duang cry because he was happy with the present moment.
"No more crying, okay? My good buy."
Maybe it was because the sun was about to set.
Maybe it was because of the cool breeze that wrapped around the two of us.
...Our lips touched like the sun meeting the horizon—slowly, gently, over and over again. In that moment, neither of us realized that the beer can we let fall to the ground, just to make the kiss even deeper, would become the final scene of the music video we had been shooting all day