[What are you doing?]
"I'm about to go eat."
[You woke up late. Did you call me as soon as you woke up?]
"Mm."
The person still sitting on the bed in pajamas yawned. He didn't really think Duang would actually send a message every hour like he said. But when he woke up, there was already a selfie from Duang reporting what he was doing. Some photos even showed Jet in the background doing a mini heart while smiling brightly alongside him.
It was good that Duang got to go on a trip. Even if it was for an art assignment, Qin knew that drawing was what made Duang happy.
"Make sure you eat on time, or you'll complain about a stomachache again."
[Don't worry, we have a car full of snacks.]
"Let me know when you arrive. I'm going to shower now."
[Qin.]
"Hmm?"
[Send me a picture of you. I miss you.]
"I don't like taking pictures."
[Come on, just one.]
"Later. Tell Jet to drive carefully and focus on your drawing."
[Okay, okay. You eat a lot too, okay?]
Qin smiled because of that simple sentence. Was he going crazy? Just hearing Duang tell him to eat more made him smile so wide.
After hanging up, he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing his long hair back. His pale hand grabbed his red toothbrush and squeezed toothpaste onto it. His eyes fell on the yellow toothbrush next to it, and he sighed softly.
When you're always together, you get used to it. The only time they were apart was during classes. And even then, if the professor wasn't too strict and Duang had free time, he'd come sit with Qin. Qin did the same. He didn't know why they kept doing it.
"..."
It made him think of that song by Jamie Cullum. The one that starts with the line:
'I'm telling you now, don't mess around with love.
I'm telling you, you won't last a round with love.'
Don't mess with love. It's a headache.
Don't expect it to last forever.
But the song ends with the line:
'I'm telling you, you can't hide away from love.'
In the end, you can't escape love.
"You woke up late again."
"Mm, I was watching a movie last night."
Qin, who had washed his face, brushed his teeth, and showered and changed into a new set of clothes, walked down from the dorm with messy hair down to find something to eat.
He answered Mi, one of his close friends who studied in a different department—music, specializing in the double bass.
"Where's Duang? You guys are usually glued together."
"He went to Hua Hin to draw."
"That's far. Is he going with some girl?"
"Don't start."
Qin, being pulled into a side hug by his friend, let himself be led along. Mi didn't really care which place they ate at—he just didn't want to eat alone.
"By the way, did you reply to that senior yet? The one who asked you to model for them."
"Not yet."
"You're such a slow replier. Do you even answer anyone?"
"Duang."
"Oh, wow."
Mi ruffled Qin's hair even more, only to get swatted away. If they hadn't been friends since high school, Qin probably wouldn't let anyone touch him—he was that particular.
"Speaking of messages, I bet you haven't checked the school group chat."
"Why? I'm not going anywhere."
"Yeah, I figured. But you should come to this one—it's for Mr. Panya's retirement."
"He's retiring already?"
"Yeah."
Had time really passed that quickly? Qin thought to himself as he locked eyes with his friend sitting across the table. It was probably going to be the same as always—some simple stir-fry dish. Without Duang around, he didn't feel like going far to eat. He was too lazy to drive. Too lazy to do anything.
He'd gotten too comfortable.
What a bad habit.
"Let's go next Saturday."
"Mm, fine. I'll go."
"He wants to see you, you know? He asks about you all the time. If you're free, text him back. And if you don't want to talk, just tell him, so he won't have to wait."
"I never asked him to wait."
"I don't know what kind of 'waiting' you mean, Qin. But he's still the same... and I already told him that you're not."
"I'm the same."
It wasn't something he thought about often—not because it used to hurt, but because it was already in the past. And once something passed, Qin wasn't the type to dwell on it. He stayed here, in the present, constantly reminding himself to do things right.
He wanted to do things right.
"How could you be the same? If you were, you two would still be talking."
"Talking wouldn't change anything. I didn't like it that way."
"..."
"I just felt good. That's all it ever was."
Jamie pressed his lips together before asking, "Is it the same feeling you have for Duang? You just feel good, but never take it further—like what happened with you... and Tiw?"
"I understand you might be worried."
"Yeah, I am."
"But Duang and Tiw aren't the same."
Jamie had never seen that look in his friend's eyes before. Qin never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, but people were always drawn to him—both girls and guys. Maybe because they grew up in an all-boys environment, liking guys didn't seem that strange. Every relationship started as friendship, blurred into something without a label, and eventually faded while still remaining undefined.
"I never wanted to be more than friends with Tiw—or anyone else."
"..."
"But with Duang... I want to be everything I can be."
It was strange to say something like this out loud—especially when the person who should hear it wasn't here. The one who was probably cracking stupid jokes and making their friends laugh.
The one who was probably still waiting for a picture from him, even after all the times he left Duang on read.
"I want to give everything I have—just like how he's been giving to me, little by little."But would Duang ever know...
How much he meant to him?
No explanation.
No conditions.
No reason.
"Whether it's slow... or fast..."
He was already falling—
Falling too deep.
"And in the end... we'll get there together anyway."
And he kept telling himself, over and over again, that he would see this through to the end.
With him.
With Duang.
With
us.
__________
"What's wrong, dude? Why the long face? The sea's right in front of you— get painting! The teacher wants artwork, not tears."
"I'm not crying."
"Your voice is shaking." Pae and Jetana took turns teasing the guy who kept checking his phone every ten minutes. Today, Duang was acting like an old man on a tour—any spot that looked like a senior citizen's dream photo op,he'd stop to take pictures. Said he was gonna send them to Qin, and honestly, someone needs to ask if Qin even wants to see them.
Sigh.
Exhausting.
"Have you ever waited to see a whale and it didn't show up?"
Jet quoted a line from a life insurance ad to tease the guy who was gloomily painting while staring at the sky and sea—because the person he was waiting for hadn't replied.
"You sound like Som-Som, Pala's girlfriend."
"Hormones, man."
"Are you seriously gonna quote every single episode? Does one person need to impersonate every character, Jet?"
"This is my happines." Jetana smeared a shade of blue onto the damp paper, watching the pigments spread out like clouds. His eyes flicked toward another artist sitting not far away, painting the soft texture of the sand.
Maybe not the best in their class—but damn, his skill was impressive.
Just like Duang said: apart from loving Qin and painting, he wasn't really good at anything else.
"Duang, your Line's buzzing."
"For real?!" Jet snickered to himself as the lovesick fool tossed his brush aside and scrambled for his phone. If you're wondering where the girls were —they had gone to buy snacks, leaving the boys to paint by themselves.
"Look at him! He hasn't even read the message, and he's already smiling like an idiot."
"A true lover boy—Duang never disappoints."
"Oh my God, I'm gonna die!"
"What? What?" Jet lunged to see the screen, but Duang clutched the phone to his chest and shook his head, shoving Jet away with trembling hands.
"Don't look, you idiot!"
"What? What did Qin send?" Pae, who had been watching the whole thing, was dying of curiosity. The more secretive Duang got, the more they wanted to know.
His ears were bright red—was it...
"Dude... did he send nudes?"
"Screw you! This is Qin we're talking about—hello?"
"No, dumbass!" Duang added, half wanting to slap Pae's head off for eventhinking that. But holy shit—his heart almost leaped out of his chest when he opened the chat and saw two messages from Qin.
The first one was a short text that simply said
"Focus."
He figured it meant to focus on his painting.
The second... was a selfie.
Even though Qin had the latest phone—because his dad randomly bought it for him—his tech skills were basically zero. The only thing he was good at was music apps. And maybe that's why the selfie was so damn cute. T_T
"He sent a picture of himself... I'm done for."
"For real?"
"Qin is everything to me."
"Man, you've got it bad—true lover boy." Pae and Jet shook their heads as Duang kept his hands cupped around his phone, staring at the picture over and over again.
"Did he do the peace sign?"
"Nah, just a straight-on selfie. His shirt collar's all stretched out—so cute, I'm gonna lose my mind!"
"He's the ultimate soft boy filter."
"Right? Every time I see Qin, all I can think is, 'Damn, he's so hot.' I'm just a damn mutt next to him."
"You're wrong—he's cute."
Duang was quick to argue, heart and soul in it. And listen—he might let other things slide, but if you said Qin wasn't cute? No way in hell was he letting that go. Because seriously, who on this planet could be cuter than Qin?
"Is he only cute to you, or are you just too in love, dumbass?"
"Damn, Jet—bars."
"Uh, I was insulting you."
"No, no—you said he's only cute to me. That's the part I'm talking about."
"Ugh, you're insufferable. I'm going back to painting. Anyone who makes noise is paying a fine."
And with that, they all went back to quietly working—earphones in, lost in the sound of waves and the colors spreading across their canvases.
But the wide smile on the boy painting the sea never faded.
"What's up?"
[How do you unsend a picture?]
"Too late—Duang already saved it."
See?What part of this isn't cute... He's so cute it's driving Duang crazy.
Cuter every single day.
[Delete]
"Youuu, it's too cute. Duang's gonna keep it."
[You can buy it off me—Pay via PromptPay.]
"I'll delete it if you pay me with ten kisses on each cheek." Duang grinned as he worked.
[Asshole. Just keep it, then.]
"What did you eat with your meal?"
[Just a regular order. Ate with Mi—ran into him in front of the dorm.]
"You definitely had stir-fried fish with Chinese celery."
[...]
"Am I right?"
Duang asked, unable to stop smiling when he heard Qin sigh before admitting that he was right. Sitting here painting by the sea made Duang wish Qin was here with him. Honestly, he wanted to go everywhere with him.
"You, let's come to the sea together next time."
[Yeah.]
"Do you have any work to do later, or are you just going to rest?"
[I'm going to finish the movie from last night. Nothing else to do today.]
"Okay. Don't set the air conditioner too cold, Qin. You always forget to adjust it when you get caught up in a movie."
[Bossy. Next time, just don't go anywhere.]
"Wait, are you being clingy right now?"
[Clingy, my ass.]
"Okay, okay—I'll stop teasing. Go watch your movie... Wait! Don't hang up yet. Do you want anything from Hua Hin?"
[No, I don't want anything.]
The sound of the waves crashing against the shore echoed loudly—so loud that Duang was sure Qin could hear it on the other end.
Deep down, he hoped Qin would understand it too...
Because he was just like those waves.
[Just come back safely.]
No matter how rough the sea gets—
The waves always find their way back to shore.
_________
Qin rarely gets sick, and even when he does, he always wakes up in a VIP hospital room anyway. What can he do? His mom and dad are always willing to spend money on the family's health, and when he gets sick, it's always serious. And because he's never had to take care of himself or anyone else when sick, that's exactly why he's struggling now—thanks to the sea breeze and the scorching sun, Duang ended up with a fever.
And here he is, jolting awake, pacing around the room looking for fever medicine.
It's 3:37 AM when he wakes up in the same person's arms. Duang had returned with a starfish mobile and a couple of snacks. They shared a late- night meal before going their separate ways to shower and then sleep.
But he was startled awake because it was unbearably hot, making him wonder if the air conditioner had raised the temperature by itself. When he opened his eyes and saw the person mumbling uncomfortably from the fever, everything became clear.
"You... mmh, where are you going?"
"Don't get up yet. Just stay still."
Qin, who was sitting there searching the internet out of desperation, didn't know who to ask—no one else would be awake at this hour. After scanning through the information, he had one, two, three options in mind.
"Let's go to the hospital. I'll help you up."
"You, it's just a little fever."
"It's not 'just a little' anymore. Put on something warmer first."
"You..."
"Duang, can you not be stubborn?"
Duang had never seen Qin like this before. Even though the bedside lamp was the only light on, he could clearly see the worry on Qin's face. Qin held his hand while handing him a t-shirt to change into for the hospital. Duang smiled softly and said:
"You, Duang is okay. If I take medicine, I'll be fine. I'm not being stubborn—I can handle it. It's just too much sun, that's all."
He comforted Qin like he was soothing a child—and he meant it. He wasn't forcing himself or worried about troubling Qin by going to the hospital. It was just a regular fever, something he'd had many times before. Two pills, a sponge bath, and he'd be fine by tomorrow.
He was tough enough for this.
"You were really scared, huh? I'm sorry. Come here—look, you already brought the medicine and water. I'll take it right now, okay?"
"Mm."
They faced each other as Duang took the fever medicine from Qin and washed it down with water. Seeing Qin's face up close, Duang realized he looked like he was about to cry... Damn, how adorable.
"Were you scared I'd die?"
"Die in my bed—should I be scared or what?"
"Stubborn."
"I'm not."
The person holding the glass almost dropped it when the one who claimed not to be stubborn, leaned in and kissed him softly to prove it. Duang stammered as he scolded Qin, who sat there with a sullen face like he had no idea what he did wrong.
"Qin, you'll catch my fever."
"So what? You said it's 'just a little fever,' right?"
"The only stubborn one here is you."
"I'll give you a sponge bath—wait here."
"Do you even know how to do that?"
"I read about it online."
"Smart guy."
Duang lay back down, feeling the world spin from the fever. He smiled softly and closed his eyes. He heard Qin rustling around, and before long, Qin returned with a damp cloth. The coolness made Duang squirm morethan usual, which only made Qin feel worse—every time the cloth touched his skin, Duang flinched, and it broke Qin's heart a little more.
"Is this okay? You're shaking all over."
"This is fine. Don't worry—just go slowly. It's because of the temperature difference. The heat needs to escape."
Qin didn't want to understand any of that. He just didn't want Duang to be sick.
Didn't want him to go through this.
"Feeling better?"
"Much better."
"Duang."
"Hm?"
"Can you not get sick anymore?"
The way Qin said that, along with the look on his face, made Duang's heart melt. He reached out to hold Qin's hand, softly thanking him for taking care of him. He kept repeating his gratitude until Qin finally felt better about it.
And in return, Qin pressed a long, lingering kiss on his forehead.
"Get well soon."
If possible, Duang wants to get rid of the fever right now.
Seriously.
"Go to sleep. I'll get a basin and put it next to the bed. If you get a fever again, I'll wipe you down. In the morning, I'll buy some cooling gel patches, but if it gets worse, I'm taking you to the hospital. No arguments."
"You're so cute, you know that? And you're just this small."
"You're the same size as me—sleep."
"You're not allowed to cuddle me, or you'll catch my cold."
"You're the one who better not cuddle me."
The sick person laughed softly and closed his eyes as the medicine started to kick in, mixed with the weakness from the fever.
Tomorrow, he would definitely get better—just wait and see. And then he'd kiss Qin for a long time as a reward for taking such good care of him.
The best in the world.
________
A bowl of minced pork congee was poured into a cup, the delicious aroma filling the air. But it didn't spark even a bit of appetite in the sick person.
Even though the fever had eased, Duang's body still felt hot on and off, especially when it was time for the next dose of medicine. Qin stayed glued to him, watching closely for the moment he'd finally have to drag him to the hospital.
Stubborn as hell.
"Come eat."
"I'm not hungry."
"Duang."
"You're so bossy... and I'm sick."
"Eat so you can take your medicine."
"Aren't you going to feed me? Like in the dramas?"
"Keep dreaming.""Youu..."
"You're grown up—eat by yourself."
When Duang was sick, he got extra sensitive. His tears welled up just because Qin refused to feed him. If anyone found out, he'd die of embarrassment. Qin sighed, looking at Duang's pouty face and how he acted like a whiny kid. In the end, he gave in to himself, picking up the bowl and feeding him.
Dramatic or not—whatever. Seeing Duang like this, there was no way he could be heartless.
"Open your mouth."
"I don't want to eat."
"I'm already feeding you—come on, just a little."
"I feel like crying."
"Please eat some, kha."
"Youuu,"
Duang dragged the word out, but eventually, he opened his mouth and let Qin feed him. He was so weak for this. Qin using sweet words? Damn. Could he stay sick forever? He didn't want to get better anymore. This was important, okay?
"One more bite—hurry up, chew faster."
"It's not tasty."
"It is—it's from your favorite place."
"Try it yourself—it's not good."
"Stop lying to me. One more bite.""..."
"Duang, don't be stubborn. Please."
Qin never thought he'd have this much patience for something like this. Was Duang sick, or did he take some anti-aging pill? If he could pry Duang's mouth open, he probably would.
He wanted to scold him. Wanted to tell him off.
But seeing his face all pitiful like a puppy with drooping ears—he just couldn't bring himself to do it.
"If you eat one bite of rice, I'll give you one kiss on the cheek."
Guess he had to play along and sacrifice a bit.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Then scoop a small bite, but I'll eat the whole bowl."
"Damn it," Qin cursed, scooping the congee and feeding the guy who opened his mouth cheerfully. He seriously wanted to kill him.
"Where's my kiss?"
"I'll kiss you all at once when you finish eating."
"No way, you'll cheat."
Qin was so tired of how well Duang could read him. He took a deep breath, thinking—he had to feed him and kiss him too. This was such a losing game. Please, no more sickness. Next time, he'd drag him straight to the hospital without a word.
"So refreshing~"
Duang said with a smile like he was already cured when Qin pressed his nose softly against his cheek with a sulky face. And his mood lifted even more when Qin stuck to his word and kissed him every time he took a bite of congee.
And damn it, he really did finish the whole bowl.
"I've kissed you so much I don't know how to do it anymore, Duang. Enough."
"No way, it's the last one."
"I'm going to kill you."
"Haha!" The sick boy laughed when Qin smacked his arm lightly. Qin stood up with the now-empty bowl, while Duang quietly took his medicine, watching as Qin washed the dishes and tidied up the trash. When the pale boy realized he was being watched, he snapped.
"What are you staring at?"
"Just looking at someone cute."
"Such a pain in the ass."
"You know, Jet told me that the reason I always argue with people when they say you're cute is because you're only cute to me."
"..."
Qin didn't reply. He turned his back and started washing an empty glass that didn't even need cleaning—maybe because he wanted to hide the nervousness creeping up on him.
Only cute to Duang, huh?
Yeah...Maybe that was true.
"And he said there's another reason."
That's why Duang was an exception in so many things for him. And why he'd be everything he could be for him.
"It's because I love you too much, so I see you as cuter than anyone else."
And when Qin thought about that reason...
Honestly, he couldn't argue with it.
"But I think it's both things together."
Or maybe... love didn't need that many reasons.
Just knowing who and why you're doing everything for was enough.
"Did you take your medicine?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good."
"Aren't you tired of taking care of me?"
"Are you tired when you take care of me?"
The one being asked shook his head in response. How could he be tired? Being able to do something for Qin was always something that eased his exhaustion.
Always had been.
"Same here."
And if possible...He wanted to take care of Qin forever.
"Thank you."
"Yeah, go to sleep now."
"Where are you going?"
"Nowhere, I'm just going to sit here and work."
"Can you sit here instead? I want to hold your hand."
Qin looked at the spot on the bed that Duang patted, signaling for him to bring his MacBook over and work there. After thinking for a moment, he nodded and agreed. Being close would help him monitor if the fever came back anyway.
He couldn't stop worrying. Because there was only one Duang.
"You know what? I can't even smell the congee, but I can smell you."
"And is that a good or bad thing?"
"Good, duh. You smell amazing."
"..."
"Being close to you is so comforting."
Qin shifted closer to the sick boy bundled under the blanket, who had closed his eyes, worn out from the fever. He smiled quietly to himself because their hands were still intertwined.
And in that moment, while Duang might not have heard him, Qin traced his fingers gently across Duang's flushed cheek and whispered something in response.
"Same here."
Same here.
It was comforting having Duang around too.