"Qin, drink some orange juice first. Mom squeezed it in the afternoon, and Duang did too. It's in the insulated bag on the back seat. You can grab it yourself."
That was the first thing Qin heard when he got into the car. He looked at Duang, who was driving with one hand, whistling along to the upbeat song playing in the car before turning to flash him a wide smile.
And it was that smile again.
"You look so refreshed."
"Really?"
That made him smile too.
"Maybe because I get to see you."
"Wow, you've leveled up your flirting skills."
"Met so many people today. I'm exhausted."
"Ohh, poor thing."
Duang thought it was a really cute privilege—being able to touch Qin as much as he wanted. But getting to this point had been a long road of ups and downs. He ruffled the hair of the person sipping orange juice from the glass bottle he'd spent ages squeezing, tasting over and over again until his mom scolded him, asking if he'd ever been this considerate toward her.
Oops.Mom, come on.
"Is it okay?"
"It's good."
"Really? Be honest, Qin."
"A little salty, but still good."
The one steering onto the highway held back a smile. He wanted to kiss his cheek until it sunk in. Even when it was salty, he still said it was good. And even after admitting it was salty, he still praised it again.
Ugh, just wait.
"So, how was it? Meeting your old friends?"
"It was nice... Everyone's doing well. Most of them just asked if I have a boyfriend now."
"And what did you say?"
It was like a wave of silence washed over the car. Everything faded into zero decibels. For a moment, Duang couldn't hear anything, as if his brain had shut down his senses.
What the hell? He was the one who asked, and yet...
"I will soon."
"..."
"Right?"Duang's heart pounded when he realized the answer was way beyond what he expected. And that teasing sparkle in Qin's eyes only made his face heat up like an idiot. He hummed vaguely in response, cleared his throat loudly like a fool, then awkwardly sped up the car—only to get laughed at softly.
"Why are you so shy?"
"Just—hold on."
"Oh, now you're running away?"
"Give me a sec. Duang is about to crash the car."
The guy in the gray t-shirt whined.
He wanted to hug Qin tightly so bad, but right now, all he could do was drive and sit there with his racing heart while the other guy kept teasing him.
They talked about the weather, politics, food, work, dreams, and family.
"When I was a kid, I didn't talk much, so I didn't have many friends. Teachers would always report that I wasn't social, so Dad and Mom took me to see a child psychologist. Turns out, my nanny used to tell me to be quiet whenever I asked too many questions. It became a whole mess of switching nannies."
"You..." Duang called out to him softly, feeling a little helpless.
Why had he gone through so many cruel things?
I wish I had met you sooner.
I would've protected you so no one could ever hurt you.
Damn it.
"It's okay. It was a long time ago. I was just sharing."
"Well, now you have so many friends. And you even talk to Duang a lot."
"Yeah. Thanks."
"Hmm? Thanks for what?"
"For making me a better person, maybe."
"..."
"From someone who never talked much to someone, to who talks more than ever before. From someone who never did anything, never thought of giving anything to anyone... Today, I've given something to you."
"Qin."
"Sometimes I want to apologize, too—for making you wait or for making you answer questions."
We looked into each other's eyes. Long enough to know that there was something steady floating between us.
"But believe me, I've never been like this with anyone else."
Long enough for Duang to know that it was never meaningless. It always meant something, even if, in the end, Qin would not accept that love.
"I want you to believe in me."
Even if it doesn't end with him and Qin.
Even if it doesn't end with Duang and him.
"And I want you to believe in yourself, too."Every feeling has always been real.
And it always will be.
__________
"Really? That's wonderful. So, you've been learning to sing since middle school?"
"Yes, but I've been learning piano since I was four."
"Oh my, how talented! As for Duang, his dad sent him to learn guitar, hoping he'd look cool like the singers he liked. But the poor kid came home crying, saying his fingers hurt."
I watched my mom, who was chopping vegetables with Qin helping her nearby. It seemed like she really liked him—a lot—because he had multiple musical skills, which amazed both my mom and dad.
Just then, a pair of warm hands landed gently on my shoulders and gave a light squeeze.
"Hia, I'm shocked."
"What are you sneaking around for... Oh, watching Mom and your boyfriend? Aw, little puppy."
"I'm not!" I protested, eyes wide.
"Sure, sure."
"And don't call him my boyfriend. Qin might overthink it—we're not even together."
"Alright, little bro. Not together, huh? Yet you've already brought him home."
My brother rolled his eyes like he was teasing me—If you're like this when you're not together, what's it gonna be like when you are? If we ever do get together, I'll do something even bigger. I'll buy a billboard on the Bangna-Trad expressway and announce to the whole world that he's mine.
Just wait and see!
"I heard you're pressuring me—ow!"
"We're siblings. Talk nicely. Mom says it every day."
"Oh, and you're not using polite words?"
"Are you talking back?"
Then my brother punched me in the head until I screamed in pain. A few seconds later, he got scolded by Mom for acting like a kid in front of my guest. I could only give a dry smile as I glanced at Qin, who raised an eyebrow at me. He mouthed, 'Go sit properly and wait.'
In the end, I walked out with my head down and sat down at the dining table to wait.
We didn't have a housemaid because, well, my mom
was
the housemaid.
Dad didn't let her work; he wanted her to stay home, and whenever she wanted to spend money or travel anywhere, he'd take her himself.
"Hia."
"Huh?" P'Nan, who was chewing on grapes, raised an eyebrow at me.
"If you had a wife, would you let her work?"
"Well, depends if I'm in debt at the time. If I am, we'll pay it off together first. Once it's gone, I'll let her just relax."
"Ugh, come on."
"Who's gonna be rich like your dad? Letting his wife quit her job to stay home, raise kids, bake, do yoga, scuba dive, and plant coral reefs."
"You're gonna get smacked talking like that."
"Heh, why are you even asking?"
I shrugged before answering, "I just want Qin to live comfortably."
"He's not even your boyfriend yet, and you're already thinking of him as your wife."
"I'm just thinking!!"
"And you're so sure he'll agree to be your wife? You two are the same size, same build—he's even manlier than you. And you still whine like a kid sometimes. So annoying."
"I'm your little brother, Hia!"
"Loud, loud, loud."
I exhaled loudly at these dream-crushers and had to sit up straight when the first dish was served. Qin walked out of the kitchen wearing my mom's cute apron. He had his usual blank expression as he placed a plate of garlic shrimp on the table. Our eyes met, and I gave him a wide smile.
"Duang, you're like a dog."
"Hiaaa!"
"The moment you see your owner, your tail starts wagging. Qin, just bear with him, okay? I feel for you.""Okay."
"Hey! And why are you agreeing with him?!" I almost slapped my forehead as both Qin and my brother ganged up on me. I caught a glimpse of Qin smiling to himself while I bickered with Hia.
"Qin, sweetie, can you come help me taste this?"
"Sure."
"Hey, hey, hey, if you're tired, don't push yourself, okay?"
"I'm fine. I'll go." He replied before heading back to the kitchen, leaving me and Hia watching his retreating figure wistfully. I popped a grape into my mouth to chase away the loneliness while P'Funan spoke up.
"What's got you so in love with him, Duang?"
"I don't know, Hia. The moment our eyes met... it's like that song by P'Jae, you know? 'When I see your face, my heart's in chaos, and I can't stop thinking about you.'"
"What did you think when you first saw him?"
"Pale skin."
"And then?"
"Liked him a lot. Wanted to be his boyfriend."
"Ugh, you idiot."
"Hey! I'm your little brother!"
"Such a drama queen. No wonder he's not into you."
"Who says he's not into me?! He's here having dinner at our house, and I didn't even force him!""Well, congrats then, you reckless little shit. Just... don't get your hopes up too high."
"Too late, Hia."
I watched as Qin stepped back through the doorway carrying a bowl of fragrant soup. He raised an eyebrow slightly as if he was trying to connect the dots to what I was saying. But still... I didn't want him to know.
I've never held back—never once guarded my heart—when it comes to him. Duang wanted to bow down and thank the sky, the rain god, Yu Shi, or whatever else caused the unseasonal heavy rain around 8 PM. Normally, if it rained heavily, Qin wouldn't let him drive anywhere. And now, he had to drive Qin home—of course, he was smiling. Smiling very widely when Qin told his mom that he could stay over, it's no problem because no one was home at Qin's place.
The owner of the dark brown hair opened his bedroom door. Let me tell you, in his entire life, no outsider had ever entered this room—not counting his mom, his older brother, and his dad. Qin was the first.
"It's a hundred times cleaner than your dorm."
"Of course. My mom loves cleanliness."
"I figured. The whole house is spotless."
"Future mother-in-law."
"I'll kick you." Qin raised his foot, pretending to kick the guy who, once he stopped being scolded, started to get cheeky. He picked up a framed picture of the owner of the room when he was a child, wearing full winter gear, smiling brightly in the middle of the snow.
"This was in Switzerland. Dad and Mom took me when I was six or seven. I don't remember anything. When I got older, they wouldn't take me again because they said I'd already been. Haha."
"That's cute."
"This one's from when I did Taekwondo—but I quit after three days."
Duang said jokingly, thinking back to his childhood when he rarely stuck with anything for long. Luckily, his parents wanted him to try a variety of things. If he didn't like something and told them directly, they wouldn't pressure him to continue. His dad always told him not to waste time on things he didn't enjoy. Don't feel guilty about failing—if you're brave enough to try again.
"Did you ever take Taekwondo?"
"Red belt."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, and horseback riding too."
"Jeez, is there anything you can't do? Hm?"
Duang ruffled Qin's hair while he was still looking around the room as if inspecting every little detail—something Duang found quite cute.
"Well, I'm already taking care of you, aren't I? It's a miracle you haven't dropped dead yet."
"When I was sick, you were the best."
"As expected.""You're so good at pampering me. I kinda want to get sick six times a month."
"Next time, I'll just dump you at the hospital. That's it." The room's owner laughed softly as he walked over to grab pajamas for his special guest, handing them over for Qin to shower.
"You don't have to wear underwear to bed. I'll wash and dry them for you to wear tomorrow."
"Risky."
"Come on, I wouldn't touch you if you didn't give me permission."
"You would—even if I didn't allow it, you'd still do it."
"Heyyyy!"
Duang dragged out the word, feeling flustered. His cheeks grew warm as the memory surfaced—honestly, it had been a while since thatnight when he pinned Qin to the couch and they showered together afterward.
Yeah... nothing like that had happened again since, and he hadn't really thought about it until Qin brought it up.
"You're thinking dirty thoughts again."
"You brought it up!"
"I just mentioned it, didn't I?"
"Wanna shower together? Ow! That hurts :( "
"Dream on."
"You sound like a soap opera character. Where'd you even learn to say stuff like that, huh?"
"I just watched it with your mom earlier."
"Aww, that's so cuteee." Duang pretended to lean in for a kiss on the cheek, but Qin dodged and pointed a finger at him as a warning. He wanted to remind Duang that they were at his house—with his mom and older brother around, so he couldn't just act all touchy-feely.
"No touching."
"Hey, Duang missed you."
"You already got plenty yesterday in the fitting room."
"I could go for more, though. Let's shower together, we can save the planet."
"..."
"Have I won you over yet? Or do I need to beg on my knees?"
"If I let you shower with me, once we're out, we're going straight to bed—no funny business, okay?"
He said it—if you're a hustler, you gotta be sharp. Duang nodded eagerly to the offer. He watched as Qin walked into the bathroom first, swallowed hard, and—of course—being a man of action, he marched over to lock the bedroom door to prevent any interruptions! He even turned off the room lights, only leaving the bedside lamp on so his mom would think he was already asleep.
Now then—
That guy's mine tonight!
"What?""N-Nothing, kha."
Shit.
I'm weak.
Duang nearly fainted when he entered the bathroom and saw Qin already pulling down his pants after tossing his shirt aside. His sharp eyes glanced at the floor as he undressed—shirt, pants, and finally his underwear—all into the laundry basket. Duang held his breath as he took in the sight of Qin's bare body under the showerhead.
The steam fogged up the clear glass in the bath area, making Qin look insanely sexy when he glanced back at Duang from over his shoulder. His pale skin flushed pink from the hot water—and turned an even deeper shade when Duang grabbed his hips roughly.
"..."
"Your skin turns red so easily."
"Just shower properly."
"I am."
Duang's voice dropped to a soft murmur as he pressed his chest against Qin's back. He liked that they were the same height—because when he trailed kisses along Qin's shoulder, neck, or spine, it all lined up perfectly.
They fit together seamlessly.
Like tectonic plates splitting apart only to reconnect.
Like a lost puzzle piece finally found.
"Duang, don't bite."
"Just a little."
He said it as if he were coaxing a small child. Duang heard Qin hum softlywhen he nipped and sucked marks onto his back and shoulders. That face—one that had always captivated him—was now adorned with droplets of water. Duang captured his lips in a kiss when Qin turned to face him.
Both of them were bare.
"Haa... E-enough for now..."
"One more kiss."
Duang's gaze lingered on Qin's now-swollen lips. He was sure his own didn't look any better. Qin was a good kisser—he could lead or follow seamlessly. Duang brushed his nose against Qin's cheek, leaving a trail of kisses toward the corner of his mouth while his hands absentmindedly caressed the soft, wet skin.
"Please?"
Qin didn't answer—he simply tugged Duang down by the neck for anotherkiss. This time, it was so deep and intense that Duang didn't think it could get any more heated—but with him, things always went beyond expectations.
They kissed until Duang had to pull away first, breathless. His warm breath clung to Qin's skin, lingering between their faces, which remained just inches apart. Finally, Duang dropped his forehead against Qin's shoulder and whispered softly—
"Qin... Duang can't take it anymore."
"..."
"Can you do it for me, please?"
Qin wondered if he was too easy.Maybe he was.
"Just... your hand is enough."
"Let's try."
But who could refuse that pleading face and soft voice?
Who could possibly resist?
"Then, can we go to the bed? I'll do it for you too."
"You're unbelievable."
"Please?"
Damn.
_________
"Come here, give me a hug."
"I'm not hugging you."
"Qiiin!"
"Get away, it's hot." Qin who's still shirtless, waved off the other who wasdesperately trying to get a hug from him. He could hold his arms out all he wanted—Qin wasn't giving him a damn thing.
"You bit me all over—are you a dog or what?"
"Well, do you like dogs?"
"And if I do?"
"Then I'll bark for you—woof woof!" Duang lay on the bed hugging a stuffed animal—the one his mom had bought for him and his older brother on Children's Day last year. She said it reminded her of when her two sons were little, back when they weren't as rebellious and came home more often.
The thought made him smile.
Mom, seriously.
Click.
"Hey! What are you taking a picture of?!"
"You, hugging a stuffed animal and smiling like a kid who just stopped drinking from a baby bottle."
"Wow, you're teasing me? But my mom bought it for me!"
"Duang, you asshole—did you have to go this hard?" Qin suddenly shifted the topic, pointing at his neck. There was a bright red hickey standing out against his pale skin. Duang let out a dry laugh, pressed his hands together in a prayer gesture, and bowed down on the bed three times while mumbling, "I'm sorry."
"Sleep."
"Aww, come on!"
"No 'aww.' Move over."
Qin nudged Duang with his foot, annoyed. Today had been exhausting—he had already wasted too much energy doing reckless things with this annoying little shit.
"Your lips are so cute."
"Do you have a death wish?"
"What? I can't even compliment you?"
"Pervert."
"See? That means you're still thinking about it."
The pale-skinned boy, now wearing Duang's pajamas, clamped his mouth shut. At this point, he couldn't even look at or touch his own lips without feeling self-conscious.
Is this too much?
And it's not like he could tell anyone.
They're not dating.
Not officially.
But he already used his mouth for him.
"Are you sulking?"
"No, I'm just thinking."
"Thinking about what? Can you tell me?" Duang scooted closer, grabbing Qin's cold hands under the blanket they shared. His eyes followed Qin's long eyelashes as he blinked, and their gazes met under the soft glow of the only light in the spacious bedroom.
"Do you think we should have sex before we start dating?"
"... "
"I think it's important. If we date and the sex doesn't work, it might not seem like a big deal, but it would definitely bother you."
"QIIIIIIN!"
Duang shot up on the bed, screaming.
What the hell.
Is he a person or a damn ruler? Why is he so straightforward?!"What?"
"That's too much—way too much!"
"What? I'm just being honest because I think it matters."
"I wanna die right now."
"You want me to help?" Qin sighed lazily, watching Duang scream into a pillow. What was so exciting about this? It was just sex. He had done it before... and obviously, Duang had too. After everything they'd already done, there was no way he'd believe Duang was still a virgin.
"Or... have you never done it?"
"... I-I have!"
"And you said you didn't have a lover?"
"... Or have you not done it?"
"I have."
"With who? A girl or a guy?"
"A girl."
"Same here..." Duang mumbled quietly. Could he even bring this up? Should he ask right now or just let it go? He loved Qin enough to give in if that's what it took.
But damn it.
"Hey."
"What now?"
"Uh... Duang will... I mean, if you want or if you're scared, I can..."Qin watched Duang wrestle with his thoughts, clearly overthinking everything.
But Duang was easy to read—he always had been. So Qin took the chance to push him down on the bed, straddling him. This little habit of his made him the perfect target for teasing.
"What? Are you saying you'll let me top you?"
"Yeah... If you don't want to, or if you're scared, I can do it."
"Really?" Qin blew warm air into Duang's ear playfully. The truth was, he pinned Duang's hands to the bed just to keep him from touching his body— not for any other reason. He just wanted to tease him a little longer.
Why is he so flustered all the time?
"Idiot."
"What's with you? I'm being serious!" Duang held his breath as Qin leaned down, brushing their lips close. No matter how much he got, it was never enough. He had a hundred kisses earlier, but now, he wanted a thousandmore.
It would never be enough.
Not with Qin.
"I don't like being the one on top."
"... "
"It's tiring."
"T-Th... you..."
"I tried it once like I told you—I didn't like it."
"Qin!" Duang yelped, his face burning when Qin finally let go of his hands."But I've never tried being on the receiving end either."
Duang felt like he had been holding onto a jackpot prize this whole time without realizing it was something everyone else wanted. He pulled Qin down into his arms, letting Qin's face rest against the crook of his neck.
Pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck, he whispered that he would try his best to make it good.
And damn it—
He was one lucky bastard.
"Duang, you asshole."
"I'm notttt," Duang dragged out the word, hugging Qin even tighter to keep him from getting up. And well—he also wanted their bodies to be a little closer. Close enough for Qin to feel exactly how far his brain had let his body react.
"It's hard—go to the bathroom."
"Heyyy, didn't you say we should try? Try!"
"I was just talking. I didn't mean we'd actually do it."
"You're such a tease!"
"Get up." Qin's voice was stern as he tried to push the clinging octopus off of him.
"Nooo."
"You literally just came a while ago, and you're already up again?"
"Yeah—came in your mouth too—ow!"
Duang yelped when Qin smacked him hard on the chest, then squeezed his shoulder before moving to pinch his cheeks roughly. After calling him a pervert, Qin finally managed to shove him off the bed, sending him sulking toward the bathroom. Duang turned back to look at Qin, who was now bundled up under the blanket, and asked in a small voice:
"You're really not gonna help?"
"I'm going to sleep."
"Your hand will do."
"Don't you have your own hands, Duang?"
"Yours are softer."
"You've done it yourself before—do it again."
"You're so cold!"
"Shut up already—I'm trying to sleep."
"Qiiiiin!"
Duang huffed to himself as Qin pulled the blanket over his head and flipped him off without even looking.
The fate of someone who loves you too much...Is sitting in the bathroom, jerking off while thinking about how hot you are
—when you're right outside.
Damn it.
Such a loser, Duang :(