7:30 in the morning. Usually, at this time, kids are on their way to school and adults are heading to work. But what about those who neither study nor work?
Yes, I'm talking about myself. I'm just an unremarkable, ordinary 30 year old shut-in who neither works nor studies, since at my age I'm supposed to have already finished both school and university. As for work — I never even tried.
I don't like going outside or being in society, where every gaze seems fixed on you. You might think I'm some handsome guy, or a dollar millionaire, or just a well-kept young man. But no, it's the opposite. My looks, how should I put it… let's just say "mother cried." Yeah, unkempt, sometimes too lazy to wash my clothes, so I can end up wearing the same stuff for weeks.
My wardrobe? Nothing special either: the same old tracksuits, a couple sweaters, and pants I haven't worn since my school days. I shower once a week in cold water. Cold — because there's no hot water. Once a week — because it gets shut off if the bills aren't paid. And obviously, if you don't work, you don't get money. Without money, there's no such thing as a comfortable life.
Ever since childhood, I was constantly teased for being overweight. I weighed about 60 kilos when I was 10. The teachers understood, they saw me being insulted, called names that often made me cry and run away from everyone. But none of them ever did anything. On the contrary, when I complained, they would just smirk and say they wanted to "set me on the right path": eat less, and the problems would disappear.
Bastards — easier said than done! Even though I begged my mom to feed me less, she would always say tasty food makes you happier. And knowing my preferences, she loved baking me sweet pastries I could never resist. My father left us when I was six, ran off with his mistress. God knows what happened to him. I've never cared since.
I hate him.
I hate everyone. Society itself disgusts me. Just one look at people makes me feel sick. Glance out the window and you'll see a couple holding hands. But why are they together? The answer hits the moment you look at the guy's face: sharp features, high cheekbones, a straight nose, perfectly clear skin, styled hair. They spend resources to create that flawless look, so every chick drools over them. Ordinary sluts.
So yeah, I've been a loser since early on. My name is Ryunosuke, and I'm just a bloated shut-in loner.
"Guess I'll play some games," I thought to myself and walked over to my favorite spot — my computer desk.
The room is littered with leftovers and instant noodle wrappers, because I've got nothing else to eat, and no money either. And I'm too lazy to clean it all up. Usually, your girlfriend is supposed to take care of that kind of stuff, but sorry — life screwed me over, and I've never had a relationship! Damn, my classmates were already losing their virginity back in ninth grade!
"Alright, I should spare myself the extra thoughts."
With that, I turned on my computer and launched a gacha game. Five hours passed, and it was already night outside.
"Damn, I'm drenched in sweat, even though I've been in just a T-shirt the whole time."
And still no water! — Ryunosuke grumbled.
Who knows when it'll be back. I used deodorant instead. My T-shirt stuck to my back, so I decided to take it off, which I managed with some effort.
"I grew hair back this fast? I literally shaved just a week ago."
Anyway, I don't have any replacement razors, and I don't want to use the one I've already used on every area. So I sat back down at the computer. Same routine, day after day. Wake up, eat breakfast, sit at the PC, and play games late into the night. Games full of big-breasted women with huge asses. If real girls won't give me any, why not settle for 2D beauties instead?!
And the moment I thought about girls, my "buddy" woke up.
— Fuck! That's the fourth time today. At this rate, it's gonna fall off if I keep abusing it like this!
Still, once the process starts, stopping it is impossible. So I went for another round. Grabbing some tissues, I sat at the computer, opened the browser, and started typing the all-too-familiar "r34" in search of my favorite anime girls.
After 15 minutes of that, I lay down on the couch, ready to sleep. Before bed, as usual, all sorts of thoughts flooded me — like how I need to quit this crap and start a new life from scratch. But on the other hand, I know nothing will ever change in my life. My golden years are long gone. My whole youth wasted in front of a computer, rotting indoors, never stepping into sunlight. As for my mom, she died of an overdose. Yeah, at a certain point she started using drugs, got hooked, and lost her mind. That started back when I was eight.
Two years after my father left us, she couldn't recover. Of course, she tried to act normal, like nothing happened, but her tired eyes gave it away — she was in deep depression. I could only silently watch as she slowly but surely killed herself, until one night she overdid it. Despite my desperate calls for an ambulance, help never came, and she died right before my eyes.
That's the story. I was shuffled around from one place to another until I ended up in a center for children who lost their parents. After two months there, I was adopted by a family who couldn't have kids. I never thought anyone would adopt a fat little boy, but apparently, even such kind people exist. By the time I turned 18, I had my own apartment, left to me by my foster parents. They died in a car accident.
After that, I started to believe I'd entered a long, endless dark streak in my life, one that would never go away.