I'm Naruto.
And right now, I'm freaking out.
All I did was fall asleep watching Naruto. How the hell did I end up inside it?!
Konoha Hospital — Maternity Ward
Good news spread like wildfire: Kushina Uzumaki has given birth!
A golden flash appeared instantly by her bedside. No surprise, it was Konoha's fastest man. Moments later, familiar faces poured in to visit the new family of three.
Little Naruto lay in his mother's arms, glancing from Mom to Dad. He let out a few baby babbles… and then burst into tears.
If he could talk, he'd be yelling:
"Stop smiling, you two! Obito's about to crash the party!"
But alas, he was just a newborn. So all he could do was wail.
In just a few minutes, his parents would be gone, and the Nine-Tails would be stuffed into him. The tragedy was about to begin. Can you blame him for crying?
"Wow, what a strong cry!"
"Sensei, when he grows up, let him be my student!"
"Back off if anyone's taking him on, it's Kakashi. He's a prodigy!"
"Rin! I've awakened my Sharingan! Kakashi's not even in my league!"
"Oh? Wanna test that theory?"
"Bring it on, Kakashi! I'm not scared of you!"
"Enough, you guys," Minato said, cutting off the bickering.
…Wait, Rin? Didn't she die?
And who's that loudmouth?
Baby Naruto opened his eyes and nearly had a stroke.
Obito?!
Why isn't he wearing his mask?
Why hasn't he turned evil?
Why are they in a hospital and not some remote cave in the forest?
Naruto looked around in growing panic. The people in the room shattered everything he remembered from the original timeline:
Rin… alive.
Obito… not evil.
Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru… all still in the village.
And the biggest shock of all?
Orochimaru was wearing the Hokage cloak.
What the hell is going on?!
Kushina smiled warmly and gently rocked her son.
"Naruto, my little boy… you're going to grow up strong and healthy!"
Naruto Uzumaki?!
They even changed his last name!
Yep… he was officially losing it.
Naruto sniffled himself to sleep in a mild existential crisis.
Over a decade later...
Golden-haired Naruto was slumped over his desk at the Ninja Academy, bored out of his mind.
The class filled in, and standing at the front was a familiar face — Iruka-sensei.
Thanks to the Nine-Tails not going berserk, Naruto never lost his parents.
And after all these years, he had no choice but to accept this new version of the Naruto world.
No cheat system. No return ticket.
Just… vibes.
He'd chalked it up to some Marvel-style alternate universe crossover.
Except some of the changes still pissed him off.
For example:
Orochimaru had become the Fourth Hokage.
(Which meant Naruto wasn't the Hokage's kid. So much for being royalty.)
Rin never died.
Obito never went evil.
His strongest "cheat"—the Nine-Tails—was still sealed inside his mom.
On top of that, with loving parents and a happy childhood, Naruto's secret weapon, Talk-no-Jutsu, was useless.
Man, this sucks.
He sighed. The more he thought about it, the more depressed he got.
No power-ups, no trauma, no edgy flashbacks. At this rate, he'd die during some random C-rank mission.
Time to turtle up and survive.
Before graduation, he figured he'd enjoy what little life he had left.
Casually, he reached over and held Hinata's hand.
"N-Naruto-kun, w-we're in class…"
Hinata flushed bright red, eyes darting down shyly.
"Oh. I'll hold it after class, then."
If Naruto had gained anything in this new world, it was the early capture of the Hyuga clan's heir.
As soon as he could walk, he'd visit the Hyuga estate daily to play with Hinata.
The clan head, Hiashi, let it slide; after all, it was just kids being kids.
But he'd soon regret that leniency.
Before the cabbage could grow, Minato's little piglet had already started nibbling.
Hiashi had been rolling his eyes in frustration ever since.
Behind Naruto sat a pink-haired girl with bangs covering her forehead, Sakura.
She noticed his hand-holding and scoffed.
"Pervert!"
Naruto glanced at her, then looked away.
One violent woman at home (Mom) is enough. I'm not taking in another. Sasuke can have her.
Speaking of Sasuke…
With the Legendary Sannin still in Konoha and Minato ruling the ninja world with golden fists, the Uchiha had zero reason to rebel.
No coup meant no massacre.
Itachi was still active in the ANBU, a powerful and respected rising star in Konoha.
Sasuke, in turn, had a normal, happy childhood… and had grown into a full-blown brother simp.
"My brother graduated with the highest score in ninja school!"
"My dad is Minato."
"My brother was the youngest ANBU ever!"
"My dad is Minato."
"My brother!"
"My mom is the Nine-Tails' Jinchūriki."
"…."
Sasuke never tried to one-up Naruto again.
Good thing he doesn't know about Susanoo Gundams yet. That'd set him off.
With the Uchiha clan still intact, big names like Shisui, Itachi, and Obito were all alive and thriving.
Powerful.
Dangerous.
Naruto thought to himself:
I definitely can't let them find out about Danzo's schemes… Gotta play it smart. Balance the factions like a true emperor.
Even if the story's broken, it doesn't mean he can't look cool while surviving.
Wait, wasn't he supposed to lie low?
He slapped his cheeks and reminded himself:
No cheats. No Nine-Tails. No glory. Just survive.
"Tomorrow's the graduation exam," Iruka said.
"Don't be nervous, use tonight to review. Do your best!"
"Alright, class dismissed!"
With that, their peaceful childhoods officially came to an end.
Starting tomorrow, those who passed would become genin, face real missions, and step into a cruel world.
"Goodbye, carefree days…"
Naruto sighed, gently holding Hinata's hand as they walked out of the classroom.
"N-Naruto-kun… why do you look so down? We're graduating tomorrow!"
"Yeah… but after that, we'll be split into teams. I won't get to see you every day."
"Ah…"
Hinata blushed and lowered her head, heart fluttering.
He's so direct… but I like it.
Naruto smirked.
Girls were easy to read. All a man needs is a good mouth.
They were separated at the school gate by Hyuga family servants, something they were both used to by now.
Naruto walked home, hands behind his head.
Graduation's tomorrow… Looks like things are finally about to kick off.