Staring at the ceiling as he lay in bed, Beomgyu felt the coldness wrap around his room like an invisible shroud. The silence was deafening, pressing heavily on his chest as his mind wandered into the darkness. He couldn't help but wonder what life was all about—especially his own. Nothing ever seemed remarkable, and everything felt unfair. But then again, wasn't that what life was? A series of ups and downs, mostly downs. It was suffocating. Difficult. Heavy. All of it weighed on him until he felt like he couldn't breathe. Miserable. That's what it made him. And in those quiet, desperate moments, he would find himself thinking: What's my purpose in life? Why am I experiencing this? Did I do something wrong? Is this a punishment? Am I really such a terrible person?
It all began when his grandmother passed away two years ago. She had been his world—the person who spoiled him, comforted him, and made him feel loved more than anyone else could. She, alongside his parents, had raised him. They were once a happy family, and Beomgyu had felt like the luckiest boy alive. His grandma's love had been a warm, constant embrace, a kind of peace that couldn't be replaced. But time was cruel, and eventually, age took her away. Her death shattered him. His world crumbled, and his heart broke into unrecognizable fragments as he cried until there were no more tears left.
And yet, who was he to question the ways of God? If that was how it was meant to be, then he had no right to oppose divine judgment. All he could do was accept the reality, no matter how agonizing it was. So, he cried—over and over again—until his eyes were puffy and raw. But life didn't wait for his grief to settle. It moved on. And with it, so did his parents—only not in the way he expected.
After her passing, they changed. It was as if they weren't his parents anymore. His father, always tired from his job at a company, brought home his bad moods like a second coat. His mother, a physical therapist who worked from morning to night, was barely around. Beomgyu found himself alone most days, lost in the vast emptiness of a house that once felt like home. He understood they were working hard for a better life—but what he couldn't understand was why they always seemed to take their frustration out on him.
He still went to school, but they made sure he handled all the chores before leaving. There were even days when they'd call or message him while he was at school, asking for errands to be done. The air in their home was no longer warm; it was strained, cold, and distant. He couldn't feel their love anymore. Instead, all he felt was pressure, as if he were just another task on their endless to-do list. He felt used. Broken. Diminished. Every emotion that clung to him was negative and heavy.
Whenever they had a bad day, it was him they lashed out on. He never understood why. Was he really to blame for everything going wrong?
"I'm tired and exhausted, Beomgyu-ah! I told you to clean this place up, right? It's so messy! Simple instructions and you can't even do it?! You're so useless!"
"Tsk. You good-for-nothing brat! Disappointing us like this, huh? We're the ones who raised you, fed you, worked hard to earn money, and this is what you call cleaning?! Fucking piece of shit you are!"
Even after cleaning the whole house, even after trying his best to meet their demands, they were never satisfied. Not even with his studies. They wanted him to be perfect—top of the class, no mistakes, no room for failure. One tiny slip, even if he was still the highest scorer, and it was as if he had failed them completely. But Beomgyu didn't want to live a perfect life. He had flaws. He had weaknesses. He had limits. But they couldn't—or wouldn't—see that. And again, he reminded himself: who was he to disobey? He was their son. It was his duty to obey. Even if he was sick and tired of it all, he could only endure it, just to please them.
That was when he began to realize just how imbalanced the world truly was. Everyone lived different lives. Some were free and happy, doing whatever they pleased. Some committed crimes to get what they wanted. Others—people like him—carried invisible burdens. And then, there were those who had it even worse: no family, no home, no food, nothing.
When you looked closer, you could see the cracks in this world. Every person had their own struggle, their own thoughts, their own way of surviving. But the world had turned cold—selfish, cruel, abandoned. A system so broken it could barely function. Once, humanity was created to bring peace, to spread love, to build unity. That was the plan, wasn't it? But now, sins and temptations had destroyed that vision. The world had become a hollow shell. Even those who tried to repair it found themselves swallowed by the damage.
Loved, then unloved. Happy, then hollow. Surrounded, then abandoned. Everything seemed to end in the opposite of how it began. Expectations collapsed into despair. And in the end, all he could do was exist in that loneliness. No light reached the corners he now dwelled in. Darkness was all he saw, and he believed nothing could change that. So, he learned to bear it. To endure the ache. To wait, quietly, until the day came when he could no longer draw breath.
He was like a bird in a cage, watching the sun from his prison of shadows, envying those who basked in joy and love. They danced on clouds, chasing rainbows. While he? He lived in a monochrome world, his future a blurred vision.
His life made him sick. Gut-wrenching. Disgusting. Maybe he was depressed—just like everyone else said—because it sure felt that way. And if this was only the beginning of his story, then he knew the rest would be just as painful. Still, he wanted to share it. Every miserable chapter. Every aching truth. Even if people found it boring or dramatic or nonsensical. Because he felt the same way. It was shitty. The feeling was mutual.
This was his story.
And soon, he would tell how his life spiraled deeper, but also... how one unexpected encounter would stir something inside him. Someone he never thought would catch his attention. Someone who made his heart ache in a different way.
Perhaps fate had plans he couldn't see yet.
Because they say... people who are living in pain and losing hope like him often change their view on life when they meet the one.