There's always a first time for everything.
From the moment we are born, everything is about new opportunities, new experiences; a new life. With this comes knowledge, knowing. Both what we want to know and what we avoid seeing.
It is something key for human beings, and in turn, it is normally the reason why we do not do certain things.
"This is my first time doing this, I don't think I'll do it well, and that's why I don't want to do it." It's not something unfamiliar, you may've seen it many times already, but it's something you don't know how to do, or in this case, how it will turn out.
From knowledge arises the lack of knowledge, the hidden, and the empty. One can lean toward two positions in this regard: rejection or interest.
Something new can be both terrifying and curious. How did Oppenheimer feel when he came up with the design for the atomic bomb? Probably curiosity. Something so complex would be impossible to make in reality, wouldn't it?
What did he feel when he saw that same bomb explode after so much effort in his first rehearsal? Anyone would have been scared to see something so devastating.
Human beings as such also fall into these positions. There's always a part of us that only we ourselves can see, hidden from the rest, which might one day be revealed to someone.
Whether through a friendship or a romantic relationship, someone outside can see that 'other side'. Ultimately, every healthy relationship requires sharing your 'self' with the other person.
That's why some people refuse to have a relationship. They don't see themselves capable of connecting with that other person, and if that same person decides to show them their other self, they wouldn't know how to react. What if that other side is one I can't accept? What if it makes me not want to be with that person ever again? The inability to accept something like that leads to rejection.
Still, someone has a sense of that side of you; yourself, and you can take control of it, but what about that part that no one, not even you, can see?
What is inside the human being?
Impure desires, harmful thoughts, everything considered "sin" is within us. Sometimes, suddenly, they appear as impulses and leave us alone with the consequences of our actions, all without knowing what caused it all.
We don't see the face of that 'entity' that takes control of our body, to do whatever it wants.
We don't see it; there's no 'first time' we act toward it, but it makes us act in a certain way. That's the 'first time' the soul relates to the being, something we can't know, since we can't see it either.
It is the obligation of the human being to know.
That's why there is a first time, because without it there would be no knowledge.
The first time of something also affirms the existence of what is lived.
If it's my first time seeing a person, then people exist.
If it's my first time being sad, then sadness, and therefore emotions, exist.
That day was the first time I saw a lifeless body.
That day was the first time I saw the floor wet with blood.
That day was the first time that ^[Ç+? committed suicide.