And then—he leaned in.
It wasn't fast, and it didn't feel rushed. It felt like he was giving me time to pull away if I wanted to. I didn't. His lips touched mine, soft… like he wasn't completely sure. For a second, I just stayed there, then I kissed him back. Not deep, not rushed, just… there.
My hand was still in his, and I felt his grip tighten slightly like he didn't want to let go. Everything went quiet in a way I didn't expect. No thoughts, no overthinking, nothing. Just that moment. After a few seconds, I pulled back a little, not too far. I didn't look at him immediately. I didn't want to ruin it by thinking too much.
My chest felt tight, and I didn't even know why. His hand was still holding mine, and neither of us said anything. We just stayed like that for a bit, like saying something would change it. Then I finally looked at him.
I looked at him, still lost in the kiss- but trying not to show it.
He was already looking at me.
"There's that look again," he said.
"What look?" I asked.
"That pretend look… like nothing happened."
Something in me shifted at that. Like I had been somewhere else and just got pulled back.
I blinked once, then looked away. "Nothing did happen."
He nodded slowly, like he didn't believe me but wasn't going to argue.
"Okay."
That was it.
I don't even know why that annoyed me.
I pulled my hand away slowly. "I should go. I have another class."
"You don't sound convinced," he said.
"I am."
"You're lying."
I looked back at him. "Why do you always think you know what I'm doing?"
He shrugged slightly. "Because you're easy to read when you're trying not to be."
I held his gaze for a second, then shook my head a little. "You don't know me like that."
"Not yet," he said.
I should have, then looked away.
"I have to go," I said again, quieter this time.
He didn't stop me.
I turned and walked off.
I didn't look back,
The air outside felt normal again, like nothing had just happened.
I adjusted my bag strap and kept walking, trying not to think about anything.
I brought out my earpods and put them in, letting music fill the space in my head instead.
Then I saw her.
Ella.
She was ahead, standing with a girl I didn't know, talking like she didn't have anything weighing her down. She laughed at something the girl said, turning slightly away.
She didn't see me.
I slowed down a bit.
Then I kept walking. My eyes stayed forward this time.
Later that day I felt the urge to read a novel . It's been a while. Years actually. I stopped when I got a phone because there was no need anymore. But now it felt like the phone was just distracting me more than helping. So I picked up a novel I brought from home.
I had never opened it before, so it was a bit dusty. The title read "Behind Her Eyes".
Sounds mysterious.
I didn't even know when I fell asleep.
A knock on my door woke me up.
It was Ella.
I let her in.
The silence between us was awkward at first. I noticed it immediately, like something was sitting between us that neither of us wanted to touch.
"I saw you at school today," she said finally.
"Yeah… I saw you too," I replied, trying to sound normal, but it didn't really land.
The silence came back again.
So I just said it.
"I'm sorry, Ella… for those things I said. I didn't mean it. It wasn't intentional."
Before I even finished properly, she hugged me.
And it was like something in me just shifted.
That tight feeling I didn't even realize I was carrying eased off my chest.
I let out a small breath and smiled when she pulled back.
"I'm sorry too," she said softly. "I shouldn't have meddled in your affairs."
"You don't have to apologize," I said quickly. "You were just being a good friend. I guess I didn't realize that till…"
I stopped when she reached into her bag and brought out my favourite biscuits.
Fab biscuit.
I stared at it for a second, then smiled properly this time.
I didn't even know I missed it until that moment.
"You know your meddling somehow paid off," I said, smirking a little.
"For real?" she asked, eyes widening.
"Yeah… Jay."
Her expression changed instantly.
"What about him?"
I hesitated for a second.
Then I said it.
"We kissed."
She froze.
"What?"