55. "REBEL"
Sometimes it feels like it's me versus everybody else, every time I've had to be alone in the toughest battles I grew resentment for everybody. Every now and then it just blows up in everybody's face, that's when I talk my shit and get rebellious.
There's some people that I've been there for, I feel like they should be reciprocating that shit back to me but everybody just keeps moving on as if nothing ever happened and that part sometimes makes me get in my head.
Girls have wasted my time, lied and misled me with empty promises, I've been promised the best ever kinda love but as soon as shit gets real, everybody is quick to run and then when I act out, people are the first to judge me. I'm old enough to understand that my anger won't change the things that I'm mad about, I just gotta figure out a better way to live with the truth.
56. "SURVIVE"
This is starting to be more than just a bad habit, it's starting to grow into a trait and it happens with every girl that ain't who I want. every time I need something, I scroll down and text just one girl that I've kept on hold for some time, I tell them everything they wanna hear and then as soon as I feed my appetite, my interest vanishes.
I can really change my ways and my lifestyle, the choice is out of my hands and also lies in somebody else's hands, if only she'd just tell me that I'm the one she wants and then become the part of the rest of my days, maybe then I would really change.
With anybody who ain't her, I just don't give a fuck, I get nonchalant and I'm this toxic nigga who's never really present in the moment, I'm not trying to paint myself as a playboy, I'm just trying to survive out there without the one that I love.
This is starting to be more than just a bad habits and it's growing into a personality trait, I got a girl that I only use for company, I got a girl that's just for distraction and then there's other girls that would do anything for me to just make them more than friends of mine.
I'm not a player, I'm just trying to survive without the one that I love.