Inside the Forest.
"Are you sure your brothers are around here?" Hashirama asked Kurama.
"Guaranteed! Of course I know! We are like brothers!" Kurama replied confidently.
"Hahaha, is that so! Your relationship must be really good!" Hashirama said.
Madara stood by the side, utterly speechless.
"Good relationship? And yet you're leading us to them?" Madara retorted.
Kurama laughed.
"Konoha is such a great place! I feel like life there won't be bad. I'm bringing them there to enjoy the blessings~"
Kurama said this on the surface, but internally he thought:
"Damn it! I can't be the only one getting caught! Those guys can't be living the good life while I suffer!"
Backstabbing skills: MAX.
The Catching Spree Begins:
First up: The One-Tail, Shukaku.
Hashirama and Madara found him sleeping under the sand in the desert. They beat him up and dragged him back.
The Two-Tails, Matatabi.
Found sleeping in a forest. Because of the flames on her body, the surrounding trees were burnt bald. Kurama woke her up, and after a "great battle" with Hashirama and Madara, she was captured.
The Three-Tails, Isobu.
Found sleeping in a large lake. Hashirama and Madara combined Wood Golem and Susanoo to drag him out, beat him up, and captured him.
The Four-Tails, Son Goku.
Mizuna found him in a mountain cave. As soon as Mizuna heard his name, he got angry (likely due to Journey to the West or Dragon Ball PTSD/comparisons). He had Hashirama slap him around with the Wood Golem just to make him change his name. He refused to change it even on the brink of death, so he got beaten up again and dragged back.
After returning, Mizuna tortured him by shaving all the hair off his butt and head with the Thousand Demon Daggers.
Mizuna threatened that if he didn't change his name, he'd shave his crotch too. In the end, he helplessly changed his name to "Grandson" (Sun Zi). This name was actually given by Mito...
The Five-Tails, Kokuo.
Considered the best-looking Tailed Beast. Found near a high mountain. At first, it was furious seeing Hashirama's group and released a massive amount of steam. But seeing Kurama, it relaxed.
Kurama smiled a devilish smile.
"NOW! HASHIRAMA! MADARA!"
The two rushed up, beat it unconscious, and dragged it back.
The Six-Tails, Saiken.
Found in an underground cavern. Hashirama and Madara dug for half a day to get it out and almost got sprayed by acid...
The Seven-Tails, Chomei.
Found flying in the sky like a giant insect. Hashirama smacked it down with a Wood Dragon...
The Eight-Tails, Gyuki.
Found at night. The group was starving. They looked at its tentacles...
In the end, Hashirama and the gang held an impromptu BBQ Party.
Kurama ate the most... claiming:
"Blood is thicker than water, we have the same dad! What's wrong with eating a bit of him?"
The group brought all eight Tailed Beasts back to the Valley of the End.
Tobirama was still lying by the river. Ever since he drank the "sweet nectar" (river water) here, he had been passed out. It was unclear if he was dead or alive...
"Everyone... how should we deal with them? Not many people have a bloodline like Mito's that can withstand Tailed Beast Chakra..." Hashirama asked the group.
Madara thought for a moment and spoke:
"How about we choose one of the stronger ones and seal it into Mizuna?"
Mizuna heard this. At first, he was quite willing, since getting a free massive Chakra boost sounded nice. But then he thought about his future marriage...
If I'm doing "business" with my wife, and there's a Tailed Beast inside me livestreaming the whole thing...
Mizuna shivered at the thought.
"Forget it! Forget it! Big Bro Madara! I don't want it! I'm not even married yet!"
Madara paused, then looked at Kurama, and instantly understood.
Hashirama was still confused.
"What are you guys talking about? What marriage? What does this have to do with marriage?"
Madara facepalmed.
"Hashirama... I'll say it again... You really are a natural airhead!"
Hashirama scratched his head, not understanding.
Suddenly, Hashirama had a "brilliant" idea.
"Hey! Why don't we distribute them to other villages? That way, we can improve relations between the villages! Isn't that killing two birds with one stone? Hahaha!"
Madara indicated he didn't care.
Mizuna looked at his airhead brother-in-law helplessly.
"Giving away Tailed Beasts for free... Brother-in-law really is a whale (rich)..."
Mito was used to her husband being like this and signaled to just let him be.
Suddenly, Tobirama's ears twitched as he lay by the river.
Whoosh. A Flying Raijin teleported him to the group.
"ANIJA! What are you doing?!"
Half of Tobirama's face was still covered in mud, but that didn't stop his rage.
"You want to give Tailed Beasts to other nations for free? Did Madara beat you stupid?! Anija! Haven't you heard the saying: 'Those who are not of our village are sure to have different hearts'?!" Tobirama roared.
Hashirama crossed his arms and said seriously to Tobirama:
"Tobi-rama... don't think so badly of others! Only if everyone unites can we be a big family! There can be no war in the Ninja World."
The more Tobirama listened, the angrier he got. He decided to ignore it.
He looked at the sky.
"How long did I sleep? It doesn't look dark yet..."
Hashirama quickly reminded him:
"Ah~ You slept for two days."
Tobirama froze.
"Two days! Then who is handling the village affairs?!"
The group looked at each other, then shook their heads.
Tobirama felt a sense of doom. He used Flying Raijin to rush back to the village immediately.
Hashirama turned back to the group.
"Then it's settled! We will distribute the Tailed Beasts to other villages for free!" Hashirama shouted.
At this moment, the Tailed Beasts started waking up.
"Where is this?"
Shukaku was confused. He didn't know where he was. I was supposed to be sleeping in the desert...
The other Tailed Beasts looked at each other in confusion.
Kurama stood in front of them, feeling a bit awkward.
After all, he was the one who led the humans to capture them...
Suddenly, Shukaku remembered something and pointed at Kurama.
"You traitor! You're the one who brought those two guys here, aren't you? I remember it all! Stinking Fox!"
Shukaku shouted at Kurama.
Hearing himself being called "Stinking Fox," Kurama instantly turned red with rage.
"Stinking Tanuki! You think you're tough? Barking like a dog! What are you barking for? If I sell you, you just have to take it!"
Shukaku and the other Tailed Beasts were stunned.
"So you sell us out, and you still act righteous about it?"
Seeing the Tailed Beasts about to riot, Hashirama acted directly.
"Sage Art: Gate of the Great God!"
Several massive red Torii gates fell from the sky, pinning the eight Tailed Beasts firmly to the ground.
Shukaku tried to break free but couldn't. He cursed directly at Kurama:
"Kurama, I f your m!"
Kurama wasn't having it. He raised both hands in a shrugging gesture.
"If you're trash, practice more! If you can't afford to lose, don't play!" (Note: Gamer toxic slang).
Shukaku, whose body was naturally sand-colored, turned beet red.
"Stinking Fox! Just you wait! Just wait!!!"
Kurama laughed.
I'm inside Mito Uzumaki right now. I have several bodyguards around me! Try touching me!
He looked at Shukaku.
"Stinking Tanuki! I'll be waiting right here for you! I'll curse you out on the streets of Konoha! I'll curse you right here! Come get me if you have the guts! If you dare come, I'll scatter your ashes (sand) all over the ground!" (Note: " Famous threat meme).
Shukaku was so angry he couldn't speak.
Next to him, Son Goku (now named "Grandson") pointed at Kurama.
"You brought them here? Do you know how long that little thing over there tortured me?! I even changed my name! I'm called fing Grandson now! Do you know how much despair I felt?! Do you understand my pain?!" (Note: Pain / Nagato meme).
Kurama shouted back:
"What does you getting beaten up have to do with me?! That's purely a problem with your naming sense!"
The surrounding Tailed Beasts started arguing with Kurama.
In the end, it became Kurama vs. Eight, and he didn't lose ground...
The humans watching this scene fell silent.
......