"Whatthe hell? Where am I?"
I opened my eyes to a blinding white light.
"Honey! I can't believe it! Our child's been chosen!"
"Does this mean we go to the Divine Realm?!"
To my left there was some woman going on about a child being chosen, and to my right, a man talking about some Divine Realm.
"Seriously. I must've had way too much to drink last night. Let me get out of bed and-"
I tried to move my hands and legs but they wouldn't respond. Well it's not that they couldn't respond, they just didn't feel right, like they were shorter than usual.
The light calmed down a little, giving me enough time to look at my surroundings for just a little bit. I was being held by a woman with beige hair and green eyes. She wasn't a looker but not ugly either, a face that would be hard to spot if you weren't looking for her. She had a surprised expression that was seemingly stopped in time.
To the right of her was a nightstand with a medieval looking lantern sitting on it. To her left was an oval mirror that I quickly looked away from in fear of going blind from the light. Overall the surroundings looked like that of a medieval wooden building, only one thing was off…
"Why does everything around me look so big? Did I get shorter or is this a side effect of drinking? Matter of fact, why are my limbs so damn short? And where the hell am I?!"
The light grew brighter, and that was the last thing I remembered from my short stay in the mortal world.
**********
"Ugh...Where the hell am I now?"
I looked around and was greeted by three elderly looking gentlemen. One had blue eyes with blonde hair, as well as a beard so long it'd make an engineering major cringe. His looks were so beautiful to the point it would make countless angels faint just by looking at them, with a warm and accepting aura to compliment him. The second one had red eyes with black hair, with a fine looking mustache to accompany him, like one that a child's movie villain would have. Unlike the first one, even demons would cower at the sight of his face, his aura was the exact opposite as well, cold and rejecting. The last one was very... bland looking. He had brown eyes with beige hair and looked like your average run of the mill salary man. He had no defining facial features and his aura was just... there. It didn't feel a special type of way, it just existed.
"He must be the oldest of the three. Maybe they're siblings?"
"He looks imperfect and bland. Maybe Neutral would want him?"
The first one's voice accompanied his looks, it sounded like an opera singer crashed into the building and began to sing a symphony, but in a disinterested way.
"That's cool and all but… this bastard… is that his way of calling me ugly? He thinks he can call me ugly and get away with it-!?"
While the new Demi-God was glaring at the first, he began to turn his attention to the next voice.
"He seems too ill-tempered to be a part of the neutral. I have enough to deal with as it is. Evil, do you want him?
Neutral, his voice sounding like that of an adult in their forties, looked at Evil in a quizzical way.
"You too old man?! The beautiful one I can somewhat get, begrudgingly of course, but I'm not ill-tempered. I just sometimes get mad when I shouldn't, that's all."
The baby, his face looking as red as a tomato with an expression to match it, turned away from the first two and looked at Evil, the third speaker, only to instinctively look away and try to cover his ears.
"I don't want him either, looks like he'll cause too many problems."
Evil, his voice sounding like that of chalk on a chalkboard, said to Neutral in a disinterested manner.
"Oh ho really? The God of Evil thinks he'd be too much trouble? I might actually want him now."
The first one said in a sarcastic tone.
"Can it goody-two-shoes! I was in a good mood but now I'm disappointed because the Demi-God seems to be a bust! Don't make me start another war!"
"You really think that you can beat me? The outcome last time only happened because Neutral intervened and let you win! Before that, you were losing for over half of the war. If not more!"
Goody-two-shoes said in an arrogant and enraged tone.
"Bring it!" Evil said in a provoking way, "I was getting bored anyway!"
Just as the temple began to shake, Neutral materialized a staff from the ground and slammed it on the ground.
"Enough you two!"
He turned his head towards the one called goody two shoes,
"Good! it doesn't matter who won, heavy mortal and Godly casualties were felt on both sides."
Turning his head from Good to Evil and addressing him next,
"Evil! We both know damn well you would've lost if I hadn't interviewed so don't get a big head! Now apologize or else the baby might cry!"
The two Gods turned towards the baby only to be met with a sight of a baby trying to cover their ears and close their eyes but keep both pairs open at the same time.
This caused Good and Evil to immediately stop and look away from each other before saying
"Sorry Good, I shouldn't have brought it up."
"I accept your apology, Evil. I guess I may have gone overboard this time."
"Just a little?"
"Yes. Just a little."
"No. It was a lot."
"No," said Good in an irritated fashion, "It was just a little."
"No," said Evil, with a devilish grin, "It was a lot."
"I said it was-!"
The two started to argue again before they were broken up by the sound of a baby crying.
"Now look at what you two did!"
Neutral said as he ran over to the baby and tried to calm it down with a tune.
"Hush little Demi don't you cry-"
Neutral tried to sing a lullaby, in a very neutral tone of course, while the other two looked away from each other shamefully.
"I am so, and I mean SO, fucked"
Thought the sentient baby who was being rocked by an elderly God.
**********
After some time had passed, and the baby, Good, and Evil had calmed down, the meeting resumed.
Three chairs had been brought in by other Gods and now surrounded the baby's crib in a triangular manner. One looked like it was made of the sky and water, the second was made of black stone and lava, and the last was made of nature and regular stone.
Neutral began the meeting sitting in the chair of nature, looking so tired that it would put an animator a week before the deadline to shame.
"We have two things we must achieve. The first thing to decide is if anyone wants the new Demi-God right now. I'll assume from the responses we all gave that no one wants him, so we'll give the child three months to grow before deciding again. As per usual, if we still don't want him by then, we'll throw him to the snake. The second order of business is deciding his name."
Neutral finished speaking and a heavy silence fell upon the room, as if no one wanted to answer. After a bit, Evil spoke up
"I think that we should name him Cry, since he decided to cry in the middle of the meeting." Evil said, sounding like a teenager wanting to leave a conversation.
"How about we name him Harmony, after the harmony he will bring in the past, present, and future when he decides to join Evil and causes him trouble." Good chimed in with a joyous, but still very disinterested, way.
"Hey now! You know I didn't mean trouble in that way. I just meant he'd be too much work." Evil said, his tone turning to a mumble by the end of the sentence.
"Oh really now? Does that mean our little Evil is lazy-" Good started to say before a green beam of light flew by his ear, leaving Good's face to be frozen still in the middle of his sentence.
"His name will be Light, after the fact that my body will feel so much lighter after going home and taking a rest once this meeting is over." Neutral said in a way that'd make a dragon wince, and slowly lowered his staff to the ground before speaking again.
"This meeting is adjourned, we will return to this very spot in three months time to decide if we want the boy. If we don't want the boy, then we shall feed him to the snake. Until then, he shall stay on fate's peak where one of my people will look over him, are there any objections?" Neutral said, somehow sounding more exhausted than he was before.
"None here" Evil said
"No objections" said Good
"Me! Me! I have an objection! I don't want to be fed to a snake!" Light thought in a very frightful way while struggling to raise his hand.
Neutral, not knowing that the baby was having a severe mental panic attack, said "Meeting adjourned!" and slammed his staff on the ground like a judge's gavel.
**********
"I've been here for about... one month now, and I've found a few things out."
I was in a new room now, laying on the bed and looking at the creamy white ceiling complimented by blue walls which resembled the night sky.
"The first thing I found out is that I'll look the age of eighteen in at least one year, around the time of the next meeting. Upon further digging I found out that this is due to me being a God and having a faster rate of growth but slower rate of aging."
I looked away from the ceiling and down at my body, which was about the length of the average five year old now, before getting out of the bed and heading over to the dark brown desk made of wood. Paper was spread all over it with strange symbols written on them,
"The second major thing is that I was reincarnated, if it wasn't already obvious, and was born into a world of fantasy. However, I haven't seen this body's biological parents ever since the flash of light. I've been told by my teacher that this is because humans are sent to the village below, but I have a suspicion that he's lying."
Pulling out the desk's chair, also the color of dark brown, and sitting down in it while looking at the symbols.
"The third, and final, thing I know for sure is-"
I picked up my pencil and grabbed a new sheet of paper, then got to writing more symbols.
"I'm a God who has three months to not get eaten by the snake."