Holy fuck! Holy fuck! Holy fuck!
I'm calling Fel on the phone "what? I'm driving!" About Three hours ago he kidnapped Jessi to go to the city for a lawyer lunch with is colleague, ugh! It's not like they were friends or anything.
"You're not gonna believe what just happened... Curls life just turned into a chick flick!!!"
"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
"not with me, you ass, I told you he doesn't like me... " I stage whisper "it's with Matt, you should have seen them, they're so cute together all shy and red in the face" I'm laughing like a maniac while approaching my front door. Ugh we really have to have the house painted, or at least cover the slurs...
"Really??? That's two birds with one stone then... Tell me all about it!"
And I do, and we are both laughing now.
After a while he says "look, I know you are going to want to "help them" " I can practically see the air quotes "but your Curls is still married, so you will not get involved with it, you hear me?"
"But it's going to be so much fun!!!"
"Then make popcorn and watch the show, do not test me on this..."
"But it's a chick flick! You know I love chick flicks!! I could be the wise gay dude that sets them on the happy ending path!!!"
"Popcorn and watch, nothing more!"
"Fine... But if they come to me it's not my fault"
He is silent for like a second "fine... What are you doing today?"
"Right now I'm going to find someone to paint the house... And I'll be going through all the junk to see what to throw and what to keep..."
"Are you sure you want to do that alone? We can do that together when I come home?" Home...
"There's so much crap, we're going to be doing that for a couple of days, may as well get a head start"
"You shouldn't be alone doing that"
"Oh you sweet sweet love of my life! I'm fine, really. It's annoying more than any... Oh fuck!!"
"WHAT???"
"Andy just parked outside... And she is coming this way!" Fuck.
"Put me on speaker and go outside, don't let her in, record the conversation, I'm going to do the same"
So I walk outside while following his instructions. Cause I'm a good boy.
She is watching the facade... And looks pissed. "I'm so sorry" she says I'm going to get someone to paint it over"
"There's not need for that, we appreciate the sentiment but this is going to be taken care of in Court, and since you're the aunt and sister of the perps, we should minimize any kind of contact for the time being"
Oh she is tearing up, so I have to stop her before it gets awkward... More awkward I mean "but we don't blame you, I know you wouldn't be involved in something like this"
"But I am involved..." She exhales real hard "they stole the paint from my house. I can be a witness"
Oh sweety "no" that's me "that's going to fuck up your relationship with your entire family, knowing your parents... Fuck I don't want to imagine what they'll do to you"
"They can't do shit" she angry laughs "they already disowned me years ago"
Oh shit. Fel says something please "I'm sorry to hear that, but still there's no need for you to go put yourself in the line of fire"
"We appreciate the sentiment though" I jump in and pat her head like when she was a little girl. "But if you want to help, you could give the number of a painter or a handyman? We are going to paint the whole thing, in and out, this house needs a facelift"
"You should talk to Matt, he also does minor renovations"
"He does??"
"Oh yeah he is amazing, just look at this garden"
"You would not be alone with him, I forbid it" Fel screeches through the phone and we start laughing at him.
After a while she goes to work, and I'm left alone to deal with a literal pile of trash.
ugh.
I begin from my old room. That's where most of the junk is. And after going through some boxes full of old agricultural magazines that I suppose were my dad's, it occurs to me, his wedding ring! I can believe I forgot.
So I go to the witch's den.
The room smells like her, it's disgustingly sweet, a dusty smell that makes your nose itch and your stomach turns. So the first thing I do it's open the window and run away. There's no way I can stand more than a few minutes in that stench.
So I go back to the other room, I spend a few hours piling trash outside, so far nothing worth keeping, not even the pictures, since all the good ones have been vandalized.
So It's time to put on my big boy pants and face the stench.
Her perfume bottles are the first thing that goes to the trash. There's nothing of value, not that couz aunty might have taken something, Fel made sure she wasn't carrying anything of value, there never was anything of value from the start.
There are lots of papers, those go in the "Fel-has-to-read" pile.
But no jewelry whatsoever. Not even her gigantic plastic clip on earrings.
Fuck, she must have taken the ring.
More work for Fel, I guess