Curls
"Because of me???" What does that mean?? I'm going into paranoid mode.
"Relax" he laughs "it's not as weird as it sounds" he tells me about the first time he came to town, and he saw me, a flaming poster boy of gayness, not being scorned, but accepted.
I could picture that teenage boy wishing for the same. It's kind of sweet, in a sad way.
"But I didn't move here until I was completely over Mike, I even had a talk with him before I started looking for a house... We agreed to keep our distance, and maybe some day be friends again..."
Ok. That sounds fine I guess... But I don't like it. I don't want Mike anywhere near my... Ugh! He is not my anything! I have no right to be feeling so jealous and possessive! I am not that toxic!
"I have to go" I stand up, I don't even know what time it is "my dad must be waiting for me" this time he doesn't stop me.
I check my phone, but it took a dive with me at that... Ugh!!! I don't even want to think about that.
But my phone is a goner, there's no amount of rice to save it.
I eventually make my way home, I'm trying to sneak in, but there's no need. Dad is not here. So I go upstairs to change into whatever clothes I have in my old room... The options are limited, the rainbow shirt Matt remembers it's still here. A few holes here and there, but usable. I'm not putting on that!!!
I settle on an old pair of jeans and an old faded blue T.
What am I going to do... The moment I stay still all the doubts and the fears are taking over me. Can't stay idle.
So I put the cell in the rice jar, it's past lunch time, I should cook something... Matt can't put weight on his feet, so I should take him lunch, right? Ugh!!!! I should be thinking about Jerr right now!!
But I get it... My marriage is broken beyond repair... I accept that. There's no other way. I betrayed him. We are over and I'm not going to go crazy again.
What was that at the canal? That it's not me! I am rational and calm, I don't do crazy! That mess of a man screaming under water... That's not me, never again.
That's it. I'm getting a divorce and there's nothing I can do about it. So I better get started with lunch.
I am packing a couple of sandwiches to take to Matt when someone starts knocking on the door.
It's Quentin ugh! What is he going to ruin now? "I need to hire you" he says putting his nose up in the air, like the entire world has wrong him "that fag is trying to ruin my family!"
"After so many years working the fields you still don't get it?" He looks at me confused "You reap what you sow!" and I slam the door on his stupid face.
That felt satisfying.
I got lunch ready to go, I write a note to my dad telling him my cell is in the rice, and I leave.
I feel like a teenager sneaking to see his crush. I guess that's kind of what I'm doing...
Ugh!!! My life is such a mess! I shouldn't be going up there!
I barely know Matt... I really shouldn't... I should get my mess sorted out first. But I can't stop thinking about him.
Oh Jerr, I'm so sorry!
I notice some people whispering and pointing fingers at me. Great! The news are out! I better face it head on.
So I go into the drugstore to buy some juice and check what they're pointing fingers about.
The granny at the register is the fastest source of gossip in town.
Well shit! How did it get so twisted. Somehow they are blaming it all on Jay.
What can I say? If I explain things it will only make everything look more suspicious... Ugh!!!
So I give her a minimal account of what happened. Making it very clear that the only thing Jay did was stand there looking like Jerr, or well, the other way around...
Hopefully it should be enough to move the blame to me. I do not want to leave any collateral damage.
By the time I reach Matt house I'm sure granny drugstore has told everyone in town, and in neighboring towns, what really happened.
Sigh. There goes my image as a reliable lawyer.
I knock on the door and there's no answer. His truck is not parked outside... Where did he go? I told him he should rest! Didn't I?
Well... I'm already here, might as well go to Jay's to... To... Ugh! I can't come up with an excuse, I just don't want to be alone...
When I get to his place I see a truck full of trash next to Matt's truck, currently being loaded by two idiots.
"You're supposed to be resting with your ankle up!" I sound like a nagging old house husband, damnit!!
"Oh! It's fine, it doesn't hurt any more, look, it's fine" he shows me his ankle and it's not even a little swollen.
Fine whatever!
I helped them with the loading while he eats his sandwich, when I found a photo album... That miserable witch! That's her own son! How could she do that to his pictures!
Oh shit!
I don't really remember Jay's dad. He was always traveling and back then we weren't really friends, he died when we were little. But I know the man in the pictures. And he is pretty much alive. That's Jerr's dad. And that explains so much.
Jay takes the album looks at the picture, looks at me "no" does he know? "He's dead, and he'll remain dead, you'll do nothing, you'll say nothing" it's very weird to see him so serious, he is not angry, but close. "It's not your place"
"Like hell it isn't" I whisper "Jerr is my husband and his sister my best friend and partner, they're your..."
"Are you sure about that? After everything that happened, are you sure she is not dismantling your firm, leaving you with nothing?"
Chills run through my back. "She wouldn't" but I cheated on her brother. She is very protective of her family. I was part of that family, but now... "I need to make a call" I cannot use any of their phones. I run home and use the land line. She is not picking up.