Curls
Frack fracking frack frack frack!
What am I doing?
This isn't me.
I'm no cheater.
But using his chest as a pillow is so nice.
I don't want to open my eyes, but I have to go away. If he wakes up, I have no idea what I could do. So I sneakily tip top out of his room, I barely had time to grab my clothes, when I hear noises from his room, so I hurry out the door.
Damnit.
I can hear him hopping to me. Come on man, you can't chase after a married man, especially if you have a twisted ankle.
I finally reach the sidewalk, when he jumps through the door, misses a step and falls on his face.
Damnit.
"Curls, wait..." what is wrong with you!!?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?
Should I go back? I am frozen looking at him, I don't know what to do...
The sound of a car coming by wakes me up, I am about to make the walk of shame through the entire town, at the time when everybody gets out from work for lunch, while literally carrying my dirty laundry, nobody can see me like that. I have a husband!!
So I get inside his garden and use a shrub to hide me from the street. He is standing up, so sexy and cute. And hurt... I want to hug him... "Please Matt don't do this to me. I can't do this... It... It was a mistake, I'm not a cheater... I... I have a husband!!!"
"Are you sure about that?" No no no no
I peek through the shrub. Jerr! "don't bother explaining, I'm not going to believe you anyway. I don't know who you are anymore. I am done. We are over!" He gets back to the car, speeds up a few meters and hits the brakes hard, and gets out again. "We're putting the apartment for sale, so no need for you to go back. We'll handle the divorce through the lawyers, with absolute minimal contact. I don't want to even see you. You disgust me." And now he is gone...
I don't know how long I've been standing here, Matt is saying something, I don't know. I just can't anymore.
He puts my face between his hands and looks at me in the eyes, really looks at me, like searching for something. "You need to sit, come on" with a hand on my back, he guides me to the porch, pushes me down to a recliner and goes inside.
What was Jerr doing here? he hates me now. He never even raised his voice to me before. Well he didn't do that now, but still, he was so cold, so emotionless. He really hates me now. What am I going to do?
Matt puts a glass of water in front of me and I nearly jump out of my skin "come on, take a sip" it's sugared water, ugh, so gross, but somehow I'm drinking the entire thing like I'm dying of thirst. I feel like I can breathe a little now.
Take a deep breath.
He sits on the recliner by my side. We stay in silence. I close my eyes. I think I want to cry, but nothing comes out.
What am I going to do?
I have no idea how long we've been sitting here. It's long past the point of awkward silence. But I'm breathing fine. Still no tears. There's no point in denying it. I'm getting a divorce whether I like it or not. With what face will I ask him to forgive me?
I've really done it this time. I am trash. I am a cockroach, worst, I am a trash eating cockroach made of trash!
"Ey! Dude!" A guy walking by waves at Matt, makes both of us jump, I can't see who he is, everything seems blurry. He notices the obvious awkward situation and keeps on walking, without even waiting for a wave back.
"That's the guy I was obsessed with" Matt tells me while we watch him go.
"He was your Jay?" And we both jump, again, Jay is standing by the side of the porch.
"Where did you came from?" Please go away please please please.
"From the back? I figure if Matt can use the shortcut, so can I?" He is walking towards us "fuck who died? Fuck! Did someone really died? Shit fuck! Shit!"
"Can you just go away, like you usually do?" Damn. What am I saying...
He looks hurt for like a second, and then he looks just as emotionless as Jerr "Sure thing" he turns around and walks away.
"Wait, wait, i'm sorry, fuck, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!" I throw my clothes to the ground and start walking around the house to the back, I think they are following behind, I don't really care right now, I feel like I'm about to explode, I don't feel much of anything else.
I'm running now, I get to the canal and jump in, with my head fully under water I just scream.
I scream until I'm left with no air, get up, take a breath and go back under.