The cafeteria was my battlefield, and the last premium vanilla pudding cup was the holy grail. I, Aoshi Tanaka, a paragon of teenage virtue and handsomeness (if I do say so myself), had braved the lunch line, dodged a flying meatball, and navigated the treacherous social currents of high school just for this moment. My hand reached out, fingers trembling with anticipation. Victory was within my grasp.
And then, a hand, slender and pale like something out of a horror movie, shot out from my right and snatched the pudding.
My world screeched to a halt. The triumphant background music in my head died. I turned slowly, my eyes narrowing to lethal slits. Of course. It was her.
Rina Hoshino. The Ice Queen of Class 2-B. She stood there, holding my pudding, with an expression of such bland indifference it was infuriating. Her long, silky black hair was perfect. Her uniform was perfect. Her grades were perfect. Her ability to be the single most annoying person on the planet? Absolutely, unequivocally, perfect.
"Hoshino," I growled, my voice low and dangerous, like a tiger who's just had his favorite gazelle stolen. "That pudding has my name on it."
She finally deigned to look at me, her cool gray eyes scanning me from head to toe as if I were a particularly uninteresting insect. "Oh? I don't see 'Aoshi Tanaka: Certified Idiot' written anywhere on this lid." She popped the 'p' on 'pudding' with a soft, infuriating click of her tongue.
A vein throbbed in my temple. "You know what I mean! I was here first! I endured the trials of the lunch line! I have earned this sweet, creamy reward!"
"A reward for what? Breathing?" she asked, her voice a monotone laced with enough sarcasm to poison a well. She peeled back the foil lid. The sweet scent of vanilla wafted into the air, a fragrant taunt.
This was it. The final straw.
"This means war, Hoshino!" I declared, pointing a dramatic finger at her. The entire cafeteria, which had been a low hum of chatter, fell silent. Everyone turned to look. Perfect. An audience.
My best friend, Danawa, who had been peacefully trying to eat his curry bread nearby, choked. "Aoshi, dude, chill. It's just pudding."
"It's not 'just pudding,' Danawa!" I spun around, my expression tragic. "It's about honor! It's about justice! It's about the fundamental principle that the last pudding cup belongs to the one who desires it most!"
Rina took a delicate bite with the tiny plastic spoon, her eyes closing for a fraction of a second in mock ecstasy. "Mm. Delicious principle."
I clutched my chest. A critical hit! "You monster! How could you?"
From a nearby table, Rina's two cronies were watching the show. Yuna, with her bubbly personality and twin-tail hairstyle that defied gravity, was giggling behind her hand. "Oh, wow, Rina's at it again. She really knows how to push his buttons."
Aomei, the sly, fox-eyed one, smirked and pushed her glasses up her nose. "It's less like pushing buttons and more like kicking a faulty vending machine. You know you'll get a reaction; the only question is how dramatic it will be."
"I'll have you know my reactions are perfectly proportioned to the offense!" I yelled, having overheard them. "And this offense is a crime against humanity!"
Rina ignored me, taking another bite. "Your voice is giving me a headache. Are you capable of communicating at a volume that doesn't shatter glass?"
"Only when I'm not being provoked by a soulless, pudding-thieving ice witch!"
Danawa face-palmed so hard it echoed. "Okay, that's it. We're leaving." He grabbed the back of my collar and started dragging me away.
"No! My honor! My pudding!" I protested, flailing my arms like a damsel in distress in an old movie. "You'll pay for this, Hoshino! Mark my words! One day, you'll be begging for a pudding cup, and I'll be the one to deny you!"
Her only response was to raise the now-empty cup, give me a little wave with it, and drop it neatly into the recycling bin. She walked away, her loyal-but-weird friends trailing behind her, leaving me in the wake of my defeat.
As Danawa dragged me out of the cafeteria, I could hear the whispers starting up again.
"Those two are always like that." "It's like watching a train wreck. You can't look away." "Are we sure they don't secretly like each other?"
I froze. Danawa bumped into me. "What now?"
"Did you hear that?" I whispered, horrified. "They think… we like each other! The Ice Queen and me? That's the most disgusting, ridiculous, absurd thing I've ever heard! I'd rather eat chalk for the rest of my life!"
Danawa sighed, a long-suffering sound he'd perfected over years of being my friend. "Yeah, man. Totally absurd." But he was looking over my shoulder, back towards where Rina had gone, with a weird little smile on his face.
I didn't notice. I was too busy plotting my revenge. Rina Hoshino had won the battle of the pudding, but the war? The war had just begun. And I, Aoshi Tanaka, would be victorious. Probably. Maybe. After I figured out a plan that didn't involve yelling so much.