Forty year old Will leaned back into his office chair and pressed his hands against his eyes until he saw flashing stars begin to make tiny explosions in the darkness. He could still hear his wife scolding him from behind the closed door over something he had done without meaning to, and the screaming of his toddler in the background, even though it was well after the kid's bedtime. The further he leaned back, the more the chair creaked in protest. He rested his hands on his stomach, wondering when he had developed the beer keg of a belly he was carrying.
What went wrong in his life that things were like this now? This wasn't how he had planned anything out. He thought back to his childhood, when he used to run and play outside. He could run after a bicycle, and never tire. Now he had to stop and catch his breath when he got to the top of a flight of stairs. He used to walk for hours in his teenage years and stay up all night. Last night he fell asleep watching TV while a bag of chips fell from his hand and spread crumbs over the carpet.
No - this wasn't how things were supposed to go. Not at all. Where did it go sideways? College? No, he was in his peak physical years in college. He had met his beautiful wife and they were happily in love. She was his first - his only - girlfriend. There had been girls in high school, but he was far too shy and embarrassed to ask them one. One of his crushes had even been forward enough to confess their feelings for him - and he had been dumb enough to brush it aside for fear that he wouldn't be what she was actually looking for. What a fool he'd been. If only he could do it all over again.
His wife continued to complain from the other side of the door. Something about him never helping with the dishes. But he had done them just yesterday. She was going to leave him soon. He knew it. He couldn't pinpoint exactly why, but he knew it was coming. Neither of them had seemed happy in a long, long time.
Maybe things would be better that way. It was hard to tell.
If only he could do it all over again - would he have wound up here?
He loved his daughter with all his heart. But it didn't hurt to day-dream.
He fired up his computer and loaded an older game he used to love playing. Maybe he could still salvage a little bit of nostalgic enjoyment out of his day. He often thought he should spend more time exercising and less time playing on his computer - but what's done was done. Maybe he'd start tomorrow. Today - he just needed a break. He leaned further back into his chair to get comfortable, controller in hand.
Crack.
The chair gave way under his weight as he leaned back a little further and he went sprawling onto the floor.
Something had to change.
He opened the door to his home office and his wife noticed the chair. "I told you you needed to lose weight Will, c'mon".
He had enough. He didn't answer her - he walked past her into the hallway, grabbed his jacket, and stormed out of the house. He needed a drink.
The rain was pouring down hard as he drove toward the bar. It was a bad night to be out, but he wasn't thinking clearly when he left. Was this was a mental breakdown felt like, he wondered, as he pressed a little harder on the gas. He glanced at the clock on the dash - 11:45pm. It was late enough that there was virtually no traffic - not so late that he'd get there when things closed up. But he needed to blow off some steam.
If he could only do it all over again - he would have taken his life in a different direction. He would have exercised more. He would have taken a few chances in his life. He hoped he'd still have his wonderful daughter - but when he thought about the things he had missed along the way… If only life had save points, he chuckled to himself.
He was starting to calm down. The daydream of a better life, a better past, a more thought out journey began to take hold in his mind.
That was when he missed a stop sign, and another vehicle crashed into the side of his, sending his car rolling.
How did things end up this way, he wondered again, as his vision began to flicker.