They say first love never dies—well, not for me.
I smiled bitterly as I lay down a single stem of a sunflower above his grave.
"Hey."
The first word left my lips, but a lump immediately rose in my throat. I hadn't even finished the first sentence, yet tears were already welling in my eyes.
I pressed my lips together and gently caressed his gravestone. "How are you?"
Tracing the letters on his gravestone still tug a strings in my heart. Reading his name always takes me back to the days when I could say it out loud—and he could hear it.
"Why did you have to be such a hero, huh?" I chuckled softly. "Look at you now, up there with the Lord," I joked, though my voice wavered.
I let out a heavy sigh and glanced at the sky slowly turning golden. Pressing my palm on the ground for support, I stretched out my legs and leaned back.
"Can you see me? I'm all alone, you know. My heart still aches for you. I didn't even get to confess… and you left me just like that." A single tear slipped down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly, but they kept falling, one after another.
"Sheesh, what is this?" I laughed, but the sadness clung to every word.
I let the tears fall freely and closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of the setting sun on my skin. In my head, I pictured his face—again, for the hundredth time—as I let my emotions pour out.
"I miss you," I whispered, as if he could somehow hear me. "I miss you so, so much."
Then the wind shifted in my direction, as if trying to console my heavy heart.
I lay down on the grass, placed a hand over my chest, and closed my eyes once more.
"Happy birthday…" I whispered softly. "I hope you're happy, wherever you are… Please, let me go, hmm?"
But who was I kidding? It was me who refused to let go, still clinging to the memories he left behind. Wishing I could stay in the past, back when I could still hold him, hear his voice, and feel the warmth of his hand in mine.
But no… all I have left are memories now.