My encounter with Ludovic was when I was in the sixth grade.
He was a transfer student from France, a year younger than me, named Ludovic Müller. Because of his parents' work, he had come to Japan. My elementary school had a system of mixed-age groups where the older students would look after the younger ones. Even though Ludovic was a fifth grader, I was put in his group to look after him since he was new to Japan.
「I'm Shin Kamimura. Nice to meet you!」
In response, Ludovic spoke in a fumbling but earnest Japanese.
「My… name is… Ludovic Müller. Nice to meet you.」
He bowed his head with a little nod. Ludovic was small, and his large, round blue eyes and golden hair were striking. I remember feeling a strong urge to protect his cuteness.
Since our houses were close, we walked to and from school together every day. We spent a lot of time together after school, too, playing tag at the neighborhood park or reading Japanese folktales at the library.
I listened intently to Ludovic's words as he spoke in his newly learned Japanese. Whenever he didn't understand a word, he would immediately ask me. Each time he looked at me with those honest eyes, I felt a strange, squirmy feeling deep in my chest.
「Shin-kun.」
The more he called my name, the stronger that feeling grew.
It seemed Ludovic felt the same way. The day I graduated from elementary school, he said,
「Shin-kun, I… I really, really like you. I'll make you happy forever. Please, please stay with me always.」
But our relationship, being so young, wasn't accepted by the adults around us. My parents were especially against it, saying things like, "How can a middle schooler and an elementary schooler date?!" "They're both boys; it's just a phase!" "That kid doesn't understand Japanese, don't teach him weird things or drag him around!" I became desperate. I knew if I didn't do something, my parents wouldn't let me see Ludovic anymore.
「I'll get better grades! I won't waste my allowance! I'll prioritize family plans! I won't skip school! And I absolutely won't do anything lewd until I'm an adult!」
It was the most I could promise at the time. Still, my parents scolded me, saying, "Children shouldn't say inappropriate things!" and banned me from going out after school for a while.
But we didn't give up. To put our parents at ease, we both worked hard on our studies. I was naturally a lazy person who never did his homework, but I was able to push myself because I loved Ludovic so much.
And so, we went on for about six years, never doing anything more than kissing and living up to our promise.
Our love was supposed to have deepened smoothly.
That's when it happened.
On the day of my high school graduation.
The ceremony had just ended, and Ludovic and I were walking down a path lined with cherry trees, my brand new diploma in my hand. The cherry blossoms had bloomed earlier than usual that year, and I only remember how incredibly beautiful Ludovic's golden hair looked, shimmering in the spring sunlight and the dancing petals.
「Speaking of which, our anniversary is coming up soon. We've been together for so long, huh? Let's go somewhere next week. I'll be moving to Tokyo soon, and you'll have to start studying for your entrance exams seriously.」
When he heard that, the expression on Ludovic's face suddenly clouded over, and he stopped walking. "Shin-kun, about that," he began, "I want to reconsider our relationship."
As his earnest gaze met mine, my heart gave a sick, lurching thump.
「W-what's with you, all of a sudden?」
Even as I said that, I was panicking because I knew exactly what he was talking about.
Lately, Ludovic had been acting strange.
There were times when I'd want to be spoiled and gently rest my head on his shoulder, only for his body to tense up slightly as he shifted his posture. Or when I tried to interlock our fingers, his hand would hesitate for a split second. Even our kisses had become shorter, our lips parting almost immediately.
「This might not be the place to say this. But… I can't take it anymore.」
His voice trembled a little, and I knew he was serious.
「You went to so much trouble and thought of me all this time… I'm sorry.」
His definitive apology made my mind go blank.
I was dumped. I was a burden to Ludovic, and he had reached his limit. A suffocating feeling squeezed my chest. Ludovic seemed to want to say more, his lips parted, but I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't bear to be hurt any more. I broke free from his grasp and ran, without a second thought. I don't even remember how I got home.
That very day, I blocked all his contact information. I cried and cried, but the tears just wouldn't stop.
Why?
Why did things turn out this way?
—I absolutely won't do anything lewd until I'm an adult!
Until he became an adult. That meant we wouldn't have a physical relationship until the day Ludovic graduated from high school. I had kept that promise.
But our first kiss was shortly after we started dating, before I made that declaration.
「Mama said a kiss is a greeting of affection. Shin-kun, don't worry. It's just a greeting, okay?」
Ludovic had given me a light kiss, barely brushing his lips against mine. From then on, we had a silent understanding that kissing was "safe" because it was a "greeting of affection." It was also Ludovic who initiated the deep, French kisses.
「I think it's okay, now that we're a little closer to being adults.」
He said that, and I can't deny that I got a little carried away. I lost count of the number of times I got turned on while kissing him on the bed and pushed him down. But each time, Ludovic would fluidly flip us over. My promise would flash in my mind, and I'd think, I shouldn't go any further, but I don't want to stop… And in that very moment, Ludovic would pull his lips away and look down at me with a slightly troubled expression.
That face… it meant for me to stop. He must have gotten sick of being with someone so insensitive and lacking in self-control.
It was too painful to be in the same town as him, so I begged my family and moved to Tokyo earlier than planned.
Since then, I haven't seen Ludovic even once.
—Why are you here?!
Amidst the noise of the bustling bar, I was screaming in my heart.
As a fresh-faced sophomore, I had joined a club welcome party, hoping to find a new love. At the table, bright-eyed freshmen and friendly club members were chatting happily.
But I could only stare down at my glass, taking small sips of barley tea.
Unfitting for a Japanese bar, a head of golden hair. The person sitting diagonally across from me was my ex-boyfriend. No matter how you looked at him, it was Ludovic Müller. The person I thought I had broken up with, the person I never thought I'd see again, was here as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And to make it worse, he was sitting right across from me, a spot where I couldn't avoid seeing him.
Ludovic was as handsome as ever, drawing everyone's attention. The girls around him were squealing with every word he spoke. His chiseled, non-Japanese features, bright blonde hair, and transparent blue eyes made him look like a lost foreign prince.
—I'll work hard so I can get into the same university as Shin-kun.
Ludovic had said that right before we broke up. So, I could reluctantly accept that we were at the same university. But it's not common for an ex to be in the same club as you.
「Shin, it's been a while, hasn't it? Did your part-time job finally slow down?」
My shoulders jumped at the sudden voice next to me. It was Momo-senpai, an openly gay senior with pink hair. He ruffled my hair, which I had just gotten cut yesterday.
「Did you get a haircut? It's so lovely, you're even trying to sweep your bangs to the side like a grown-up.」
「Who was it that messed up my perfectly styled hair?!」
「Oh, good. I was worried because you looked so gloomy, but you're just your usual self. How's your progress on finding a girlfriend? There are a lot of cute girls here, you should try talking to them.」
Momo-senpai then lowered his voice so only I could hear. He glanced diagonally across the table.
「Even though this is a welcome party, I feel like he's stealing all the attention and stopping us from getting to know the freshmen. Well, thanks to him, it looks like we'll get a lot of new members this year.」
Momo-senpai's gaze fell on Ludovic, who was smiling as he answered the girls' questions.
「Well, as long as he's having fun, I guess that's all that matters.」
Momo-senpai shrugged. But after all the years we had spent together, I knew. That wasn't Ludovic's truly happy smile. It was a courtesy smile. It was completely different from the uninhibited smile he used to show me. I dropped my gaze again and gripped the glass of barley tea. It was painful enough to know it was a fake smile, but seeing him was even worse.
「Hey, hey, is your name Ludovic? Do you have a girlfriend?」
Suddenly, Momo-senpai started talking to him.
「No, I don't.」
Ludovic replied, his Japanese so fluent now that it was hard to believe he had been a transfer student. A small ripple of excitement spread among the girls. 「Oh, really?!」 they chirped.
「Oh? Then you're just like Shin! Ah, this guy here, he's looking for a girlfriend right now, too!」
Stop it, Momo-senpai! Please, just don't get involved with me today! I pleaded in my heart, but Momo-senpai draped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me close.
「…Oh, is that right?」
I felt the tone of Ludovic's voice drop just a little. He narrowed his eyes and stared at me. I couldn't help but twitch.
「Yep, that's right. You know, when Shin and I went to a love hotel after a club party, he was crying, 'I want to find a new love!' Remember, Shin?」
Oh no, this is really bad! His infamous "Shin's Miserable Love Hotel Story" was about to begin!
「A love hotel?」
I could feel Ludovic's gaze sharpen even more.
「What's this story about a love hotel?」
A freshman girl asked, her face full of curiosity. I knew this story was a surefire hit at drinking parties and would get a huge reaction. But to tell it now, with the very reason for the story sitting right in front of me, was the worst thing in the world!
「Momo-senpai, that story is…!」
I hurriedly tried to stop him. However, a low voice cut me off.
「Oh, really? I'd love to hear it.」
It was Ludovic who said it. The other freshmen around the table were nodding in agreement. Once he got started, there was no stopping Momo-senpai. He began his tale with a flourish.
「I thought Shin was super cute, so I invited him to a love hotel after a club drinking party. He agreed to come, which was great, but then…」
He went on to say that when he got back to the room after taking a shower, he found me bawling my eyes out, saying, "I can't get intimate with you because there's someone I can't forget!" and "I want my first time to be with that person!" Momo-senpai told me to just contact the person, but I kept crying over stupid things like, "He's so cool, he must already have someone else," and "How am I supposed to live my life now?" and "He might have figured out that I was at my limit of keeping our promise of waiting until we were adults." I just wouldn't stop crying. He said he offered to help me forget with a new love, but I just kept shaking my head. I finally came to the conclusion that I would find a girlfriend, but I still hadn't tried to find one.
「He wouldn't stop crying, which turned me off, and then he just cried himself to sleep! He was out cold until morning! The hotel room was expensive, too; it was a total disaster!」
Momo-senpai's story was punctuated with exaggerated gestures. The table erupted with laughter.
The one good thing about Momo-senpai was that no matter how many times he told this story, he never once gave away the crucial information: that the person I couldn't forget was a boy, he was French, and he had blonde hair. Thanks to him, the story remained a pitiful anecdote about a guy who couldn't move on from someone.
Once the laughter died down, Ludovic—whose expression was somehow gentler now than before—asked me a question.
「So, were you able to forget that person?」
Seriously? He's asking me that?! I shrieked internally.
「Ah, well… that's…」
Unable to answer, I yelled, 「T-the bathroom, I need the bathroom!」 and ran from the table.
In the bathroom, I splashed cold water on my face. The person in the mirror was visibly rattled, even to me. Just the fact that Ludovic was here made a dull ache throb in my chest. I didn't have the confidence to act normal.
I decided to just pretend I was sick and go home. I opened the bathroom door.
And that's when I ran into someone.
「Ah, I'm so—」
My words caught in my throat as I looked up.
「Lu-do…」
「Shin-kun.」
A hand gently touched my cheek. The soft sensation made me freeze up even more.
「I wanted to see you.」
Ludovic was looking at me as if I were the most precious thing in the world.
「You even changed your hair color. It suits you. It's cute.」
It was a barely noticeable color, only visible when it caught the sunlight, because of my part-time job's rules. No one else had noticed, so how did Ludovic? My face grew hot. I looked down, trying to hide it.
「D-d-don't say things like that to your ex-boyfriend! Go say it to someone you… you actually like!」
I forced the words out, and Ludovic's eyes widened slightly.
「We're dating, aren't we?」
「…Huh?」
I had no idea what he was talking about.
「We haven't broken up. We've been dating this whole time.」
Ludovic said this with a serious expression. Dating? Who? What?
「W-what are you talking about…?」
Just as I was about to reply, a joyful voice boomed.
「Ahaaa, so Shin's ex was Ludovic-kun after all!」
Momo-senpai, his cheeks a little red from the beer, appeared and put a familiar hand on my shoulder.
At that moment, the expression on Ludovic's face turned sharp.
「He's not my ex.」
Ludovic cut him off in a low voice.
「Eh? But you said at the love hotel that your ex was a super-hot French guy. And I just overheard you guys are from the same hometown? It's a bingo, isn't it? He's come all this way to chase after you~. Kinda sounds like he's obsessed, huh?」
Momo-senpai leaned his face close to my ear.
「You should really find a new love, Shin. Maybe you'll forget your ex if I sleep with you?」
He said this and looked up at Ludovic, giving him a mischievous, taunting smile. Ludovic glared at him with an intense, angry expression.
The laughter from the bar echoed in the distance, but why did it feel like a powder keg was about to explode right here?
「Senpai, this is a joke…!」
I started to say, but the sharpness suddenly vanished from Ludovic's face.
「Momo-senpai, you're a bottom, aren't you?」
Momo-senpai blinked.
「Ah, you found me out?」
He said it with a laugh, sticking his tongue out playfully. He immediately took his hand off my shoulder.
「I wanted to try being a top just once, you know? I thought I might be able to top you, Shin. It was a failed attempt, though.」
「I understand the feeling, but it's not going to happen for you, is it?」
「Yeah, it didn't. I'm so glad Shin was still hung up on you, Ludovic-kun.」
Momo-senpai nodded with a satisfied look.
「It's better to clear up misunderstandings sooner rather than later, you know?」
He looked from me to Ludovic and back again.
「Senior's orders. Go home with Ludovic-kun tonight.」
「With Ludovic?!」
I was going to go home, but I was going to escape from him. Going home with him was completely unexpected.
「I'm going home alone!」
I tried to hurry back to the table, but Momo-senpai stopped me.
「Oh, stop being so stubborn. Do you need a reason to go home with him? Then, Ludovic-kun, hold this. Shin, just stay still for a second?」
Momo-senpai shoved the beer glass he was holding into Ludovic's hand. Then, unbelievably, he grabbed Ludovic's hand and splashed the entire contents of the glass all over me.
SPLASH!!
The ice cubes scattered loudly across the floor.
「Whoa! Cold!」
「What are you doing, Ludovic-kun?! Shin's all soaked! You'll get him sick! Honestly! Take responsibility and bring Shin home!」
Momo-senpai yelled out in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear. People started to gather, wondering what was going on. Momo-senpai had some of the members grab our things, and in the blink of an eye, we were out of the bar.