I'm being pulled along the nighttime street by Ludovic. The street is sparse, and the only sound is the distant rumble of cars. The feel of his hand. That hand, without letting go, leads me forward.
It's been so long, and yet it feels like a dream. The night road from the bar made my senses go haywire from the heat of his hand and my own confusion, more than from the cold of the beer I was soaked in.
Why are we walking together? Why can't I just shake his hand off and run away?
In a state of panic, about twenty minutes passed. We arrived at my apartment building. My actual, honest-to-god apartment building.
「Wh-wh-why do you know my address?!」
I had specifically told my family not to give Ludovic my new address or any updates about me.
「Your aunt just gave it to me, so?」
Ludovic answered casually.
「Everyone was praising you. They said, 'Shin-kun is so thoughtful, keeping his distance so he doesn't distract Ludovic with his entrance exams.'」
Thanks to the hard work we put in since middle school, our relationship had become a given in both of our families.
「They even thought you didn't come home for New Year's because you were cheering me on with my studies.」
That wasn't the reason I didn't go home. Not only at school but in our hometown, we were a pretty famous couple. After all, we had been dating for six years. Our families, friends, and neighbors all knew about us. The only reason I didn't go home and spent New Year's alone was because I didn't want to see Ludovic and wanted to escape all the places we had memories in.
I couldn't believe they thought it was for his sake.
「Shin-kun, you'll catch a cold like that. Open your door.」
「Even if you say that…」
My mind still couldn't catch up. The person I thought I broke up with is standing in front of me, telling me we're still dating, and saying all these sweet things. I have no idea what to do.
As I stood there frozen, Ludovic took a key out of his own pocket. Then, he put it into the keyhole of the apartment next to mine, the corner room.
「Hey! That's someone else's place!」
I hurriedly tried to stop him, but Ludovic opened the door and turned back to me.
「This is my room. Nice to meet you, neighbor.」
「EEEEEEEEEEH?!」
「It's a building full of students, so a turnover of residents at the start of a new school year isn't that surprising, is it?」
Ludovic said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He pulled my hand, dragged me into the newly opened room, and shoved me straight into the bathroom.
「Shin-kun, take a shower. You're freezing.」
I did as I was told, and the hot water on my skin calmed my nerves a little.
If Ludovic was telling the truth, does that mean I was the only one who thought we had broken up…? But then why, on graduation day, did he say, "I want to reconsider our relationship" and "I can't take it anymore"? If that wasn't his way of breaking up with me, then what the hell was it?
And if we didn't break up, then what was the point of this last year? All that time I spent trying to forget Ludovic, trying to find a new love, only to end up thinking about him, feeling miserable and heartbroken, and bawling my eyes out… What was all of that for?
Deep down, I was incredibly happy to see him again. But my past suffering was getting in the way, and I couldn't be happy about it. All my confusion and past sadness were a jumbled mess, and I felt completely lost.
I knew we had to talk. But I didn't feel like I could calm down and listen, or even organize my own feelings, not today.
Ludovic was right outside the bathroom door. Before he could catch me, I would slip back into my own room and clear my head.
I quickly finished my shower, wrapped the towel Ludovic had given me around my waist, and quietly opened the door.
「I'm not letting you go home.」
At the sound of his voice, I literally jumped.
「AHH! You! Why are you always standing in front of the door?!」
「I know exactly what you're thinking…」
Ludovic stared at me, dumbfounded, then pressed his hands to his temples and looked up at the ceiling dramatically.
「I've never seen you wearing so little clothing…!」
「That's because you got beer all over me!」
Well, technically it was Momo-senpai's fault, but still!
「Ugh… I'm seriously… about to lose it…」
Ludovic sighed, a pained sound escaping his lips. His words made me tremble. Was he feeling some kind of disgust toward me? Did seeing me like this make him uncomfortable?
He grabbed my arm as I bit my lip. Then, with a sudden burst of strength, he threw me onto the bed. My body bounced and sank into the mattress, and Ludovic climbed on top of me, pinning me down so I couldn't escape.
「?!」
He held my wrists tightly. I couldn't move. His face was right there, hovering over me. The look in his eyes was pained and a little distorted. It was that same expression he sometimes wore when we were alone before we broke up—like he was holding something back.
「Hey, Shin-kun… The truth is, I shouldn't have been able to hold back anymore, you know? Do you understand?」
Ludovic's voice was filled with heat.
「Why did you so earnestly keep your promise to 'not do anything lewd until we're adults'...?」
「Th-th-that has nothing to do with this right now!」
His sudden mention of that old promise caught me completely off guard.
「That's the root of all our problems! You're a high school graduate now. With both of our consent, we should have been fine, right? If you love someone, it's normal to want to touch them!」
「B-but…」
I managed to stammer out the words.
「Ludovic, you were acting weird back then. You'd avoid me when I tried to hold your hand or kiss you… and on graduation day, you were so serious...」
That's why I thought we broke up. His attitude made me think he didn't want me to touch him anymore, that he wanted our relationship to end, that he didn't want to go any further.
「What I meant by 'I can't take it anymore' was that I couldn't hold back my desire to touch you! I was trying so hard to restrain myself because I was afraid I would break our promise if I touched you! That's why I said, 'I want to reconsider our relationship!' I wanted to reconsider that vow! I was so sorry because I was about to be the one to break the promise you worked so hard to keep… It was so painful trying to hold back. Saying that took so much courage, even for me. You're a guy, you should understand, right?! Of course, I was serious!」
Ludovic's words were like daggers to my heart. On graduation day, his words had sounded like a breakup, but now they held a completely different meaning.
My breakup was all a misunderstanding…?
Seeing my stunned expression, Ludovic's face softened a little.
「Whenever I kissed you, I could feel you wanting more. And yet, because of our vow, you'd try to pull away. But you'd also hold onto my arm, like you were stopping me from leaving, and it was so incredibly cute. I really think I did a good job holding back.」
「I-I wasn't thinking I wanted more…」
「Oh really? But you make such cute sounds.」
At his words, my ears went hot.
「Th-that's because you always use your tongue!」
「You're right. That's why I started avoiding kissing you. I'm sorry.」
Ludovic's eyes were fixed on my reddened face as he leaned closer.
「Hey, Shin-kun, will you let me hear that voice again?」
He whispered sweetly, and his lips brushed against mine in a gentle kiss. He pulled away almost immediately, watching my reaction intently. I was still confused, but I didn't want to move away from him. I didn't want to let go of this warmth. I didn't want to be apart from Ludovic anymore.
—I won't do anything lewd until I'm an adult!
That promise I had so seriously made to my parents was so important. As children, we had kept it steadfastly. But now, we were adults. That vow had been fulfilled. Now, there was no one standing in the way of our relationship.
I slowly closed my eyes, responding to the warm, gentle look in Ludovic's eyes.
***
The next day, Ludovic and I went to the club together. We made sure to tell Momo-senpai that we were officially back together.
「No way! Seriously?! Shin! That's awesome. Congratulations, Ludovic-kun!」
Momo-senpai blessed us with a huge smile before laughing in his usual manner, saying things like, "The girls who joined for Ludovic-kun might all leave now."
After leaving the club room, we started walking through the campus. Perhaps as a result of last year, the cherry blossoms were late to bloom, and they were still in full bloom on campus.
The sunlight filtered through the trees, sparkling down, and I looked at Ludovic's back as he walked a little ahead of me, a strange feeling welling up inside.
Just yesterday, I thought I would never walk with Ludovic like this again.
And yet, here it was, right in front of me—the everyday life I thought I had lost forever.
Suddenly, Ludovic turned to face me.
「Shin-kun.」
He gave me a bright, uninhibited smile. His soft golden hair shimmered in the gentle spring sunlight. It was like the exact continuation of that scene from the day of my high school graduation.
The End