Adam Thompson fell from the sky with all the grace of a cat that had just realized it could not fly. The concrete rushed up to meet him, and he landed with a thud that made several nearby pedestrians jump. He stood, brushed imaginary dust off his coat, and looked around at the bustling city streets.
"Where… am I?" he muttered.
Boring. Extremely boring. How do mortals survive without interdimensional portals, phoenix eggs, or minor explosions?
People stared. A man sneezed and tripped over his own shoelaces. A child pointed at Adam, wide-eyed. "Mom! That guy… he's glowing!"
Yes. I glow. Fascinating, isn't it?
Adam's sharp eyes scanned the city. Honking cars, street performers, food stalls, people arguing over trivial things. Everything screamed monotony, and his fingers twitched in frustration.
"Hey! Watch where you're—" a passerby began, but Adam had already flicked a finger, creating a tiny ripple in reality that made the man's hat float three inches above his head.
Pathetic mortals. Delightfully fragile.
Adam spotted a café across the street. Coffee… caffeine… mortal stimulant… potentially entertaining.
He walked toward it, tall and confident, every step somehow commanding attention. Inside, a barista looked up, clearly unsure how to react. "Uh… can I help you?" she asked.
"Yes. I want… coffee," Adam said, eyes narrowing at the menu.
"Okay… black, sugar, milk?"
"I will try… all of them."
The barista blinked. "Wait, what—?"
Adam snapped his fingers, and every cup in the café hovered in midair. Boring coffee… a tragedy.
He sipped one. Warm, caffeinated, utterly mundane. He frowned. "Much better," he said, tapping the void again to add a minor explosion of glittery sparks to the café. The customers screamed, the cat fled into a corner, and a muffin rolled across the floor like it had somewhere more important to be.
This… is slightly more entertaining. Not enough, but a start.
"I, Adam Thompson, the Void Vanguard… have arrived in the mortal world. And I am… bored," he said aloud, his voice carrying the weight of both menace and impatience.
From outside, a street performer tried to juggle flaming hot dogs. Adam's eyes lit up. Finally… someone has potential.
He flicked his wrist, and the hot dogs began orbiting the performer like tiny, angry moons. The performer screamed. The crowd cheered. Adam clapped, smirking. "This… is what I call… progress."
A child tugged on his sleeve. "Sir… your hands… they're floating?"
Humans are fragile. Delightfully fragile.
"Uh… yeah. Sorry, just practicing… telekinesis," Adam said casually, lifting the child slightly into the air with a gentle motion.
"Is that… legal?"
Legal is a concept for people who are boring.
"Yes. It is perfectly legal… for chaos."
The barista, still wide-eyed, asked, "Chaos? What kind of café—"
Pathetic mortal questions.
"Yes. Chaos… I provide it freely. You're welcome."
"This… is impossible!" the barista wailed as muffins started bouncing on invisible strings.
Not impossible… just unboring.
Adam sipped another cup of coffee, or at least the void-created equivalent. "Boring pastries are the enemy of entertainment," he said. "And I will not be defeated by anything less than absurdity."
"Sir… your coffee just… disappeared," someone muttered.
Perfect… mortal caffeine now… exciting.
A man's cat shot through a tiny wormhole that opened beneath it, reappearing in the trash can two blocks away. Adam's lips curled into a smile. Perfect. The cat has discovered adventure. You should learn from it.
"Sir… please stop! Someone might call… the police," a panicked passerby shouted.
Police… fragile mortals enforcing rules… utterly boring… excellent.
"Yes, yes… bring your tiny mortal authorities. Let's see how they handle unboring," Adam said, eyes gleaming.
"My cat… it's flying through a portal into… the neighbor's bathroom?"
Exactly.
Adam looked at the street and then at the city skyline. He could feel the infinite possibilities stretching before him. Mortal world, he realized, was like a blank canvas… slightly dull, but full of potential chaos.
"I am Adam Thompson, Void Vanguard, Chaotic Chef, Master of Boredom Eradication, and I… am bored."
"And now… I begin my campaign to make this mortal world… unboring."
"Wait, are you going to—" someone tried to protest.
"Yes. Yes, I am. And it will be glorious," Adam said with a grin.