Adam Thompson stood at the entrance of a colossal shopping mall, staring up at the glass ceiling. A temple of tedium. Humans trapped in endless loops of consumption, advertising jingles, and slightly overpriced shoes. Perfect.
He yawned so loudly a nearby pigeon fainted. Yes… this is just the beginning.
A security guard noticed him. "Uh… sir… you can't—"
Adam waved lazily. "I can. And I will. This place… will be unbored."
Pathetic mortals… always concerned with rules and safety. Delightful.
He stepped inside. The automatic doors slid closed behind him, and Adam immediately made a subtle flick of his fingers. A wave of tiny portals opened beneath the mall's fountains. Water danced upward, forming miniature geysers that shaped themselves into unicorns, dragons, and one particularly judgmental flamingo.
A child screamed. "Mom! The fountain… it's alive!"
Exactly.
Adam strolled past a clothing store. Hangers began performing synchronized flips, jackets spun like figure skaters, and shoes marched across the floor in perfect cadence.
"This… this is illegal!" a shop assistant cried.
Pathetic mortal laws… irrelevant.
He walked into a food court. The pizza slices began orbiting tables like tiny satellites, the soda fountains erupted into harmless, sparkling geysers, and a tray of chicken nuggets performed acrobatics.
"This is chaos! Stop it!" shouted a man holding a tray.
Exactly.
Adam leaned back in a chair that immediately sprouted wheels and started gliding around him. Mobility… for style. He sipped a glowing cup of coffee he conjured midair. The mortal world… absurd. Humans… fragile. Chaos… delicious. And I… am still bored.
From the corner, a teenager pointed at him. "Is that guy… magic or… something?"
"Yes," Adam said, spinning a donut in the air with one hand. "Magic… boredom eradication… essential entertainment."
A mall Santa screamed as a candy cane sprouted legs and hopped across the floor like a tiny kangaroo.
Perfect.
Adam wandered into a tech store. Laptops began typing on their own, printers spat out sheets forming tiny dragons, and headphones levitated, spinning in midair to the rhythm of an invisible orchestra.
A customer shouted, "My gadgets! They're alive!"
Exactly.
Adam leaned on a display of smartphones. "Boring mortals, terrified by small chaos. Delightful. Continue."
Nearby, a toy robot started juggling miniature plush animals, narrowly avoiding a life-size teddy bear that had come to life.
A mother wailed. "Someone stop him! My children!"
Children… optional collateral for amusement. Acceptable.
Adam glanced toward the mall escalators. Ah… moving platforms… opportunity. With a wave of his hand, the escalators started performing a synchronized dance routine, gracefully spinning passengers in mild, safe circles.
"AHHH! My balance!" yelled a man holding a coffee cup.
Exactly.
He tapped a clothing rack. All the clothes performed a fashion show midair, swirling, twirling, and occasionally spitting glitter. The mannequins winked. Excellent.
From the electronics section, a security camera spun on its own, capturing the entire chaos and live-streaming it across the mall monitors. Adam nodded approvingly. Documentation… essential.
A balloon floated by and Adam flicked it. It instantly transformed into a tiny dragon that screeched melodiously while chasing a stuffed giraffe.
"This… is insanity!" a child yelled in awe.
Insanity… exactly what boredom requires.
Adam strolled past a perfume store. Bottles levitated, spraying harmless glittery scents in delicate patterns, creating mini rainbow fog across the floor.
The mall manager screamed, flailing like a chicken. "CALL SECURITY! HE'S—HE'S—"
Yes… call them. Fragile mortals responding to chaos… delightful.
A group of teenagers tried to run past him. Adam waved. Their shoes started tap-dancing involuntarily, and one backpack sprouted tiny wings, flying just out of reach.
"MY BAG!" the teenager yelled.
Exactly.
Adam sipped another glowing coffee. The mall… transformed. Humans… screaming, bewildered, and terrified. Chaos… abundant. And I… am still, very, very bored.
He paused near the fountain again. The tiny interdimensional geysers shaped themselves into a massive cake, a rainbow unicorn, and a sign that read: "Welcome to Unboring."
A pigeon landed on his shoulder. Yes… witness. Audience. Chaos appreciated.
Adam grinned. "Mortals… prepare yourselves. Every store, every aisle, every sentient object… will be exploited to unbore me."
A mannequin in the clothing store tipped over dramatically. Excellent. Minor chaos, major amusement.
He adjusted his coat and sipped his glowing coffee once more. The mortal world… absurd. Humans… fragile. Entertainment… abundant. And I… am still bored. But the fun… has only just begun.