Shoggoths are strange creatures.
Which is what you'd expect of something born in the void.
Due to the influence of the void, they are both universally the same and individually diverse.
Some can be relatively small, like Dudley.
Or, like the one screaming in my face, gigantic. Some had tentacles reaching from their backs, and others could open their mouths and tentacles might explode from within.
Yet, all had the same soft white fur and long silky white hair. All had the same bright eyes which glowed with the purple light of the void.
And all had the same diet.
Its huge fingers wrapped around my arms, almost popping them from their sockets as it jerked me off my feet and lifted me above its maw. It gave me a shake as the Headmaster once more screamed at it to kill me.
I looked down at the shoggoth, whose eyes were wide as hunger.
Its face resembled something of a gorilla which had evolved from a snake but had mated with an octopus somewhere along the line.
Enid, sobbing now, was trying to crawl away.
The shoggoth worked its strange jaw before squinting up at me.
"Food," it rasped. Its voice was dry like dust in a library.
"That's right!" The Headmaster chortled, flinging himself down in his chair and giving me an imperious wave. "Devour him before me, my creature!"
"Look," I said to the shoggoth. "Mary, if you want food, you'll have to put me down. I can't reach into my pockets like this, can I?"
Mary blinked at me.
Then, slowly, she gently put me back down. Unwrapping my arms, she gave me a soft pat on my head and began to purr.
"If you had even bothered to read a single book of any worth," I said to the Headmaster as I reached into my spatial bag. "You'd know that shoggoths are two things. One, they're not servants. They're the spawn of the Old Twit. And He very much wouldn't let you order His children around."
Pale, the Headmaster began to sputter. "No! No, I got it right!"
"Your summoning spell?" I shook my head. "You did. But just because you can summon somebody, doesn't mean they're going to be your slave."
"Food," Mary rasped again, her great head nudging my shoulder.
"And the second thing you'd know about shoggoths," I said, holding out my hand so she could take the little handful of sugar cubes from my palm. "Is that they're peaceful vegetarians with a very sweet tooth. How can you make friends with one if you didn't even bother to bring sugar. It's even mentioned in the summoning instructions. Where's your sugar? Did you even carry it?"
"What?" He scowled. "That's ridiculous! I summoned it! It should-"
"It has a name," I snapped. "Her name is Mary."
Mary purred, shivering as I scratched her behind the ear. She nuzzled up against me, still purring like a cat.
"Like food," she rasped.
"I know," I told her. "I remember."
"Taran remembers Mary?"
"How can I forget my own sister?" I smiled at her as the fur on her cheeks turned bright pink.
"Sister?" Enid coughed behind me, still backing away.
"Yes," I said. "When I was first taken into the void, Mary was about my age, so the Old Twit paired us up and taught us at the same time. He's lazy like that."
"Then… you think that-"
"He's my father?" I glanced at her. "Yes, I do. If you knew my previous family, you'd understand."
Mary continued to purr, occasionally patting my head.
Each time she did, I reached into my spatial bag for more sugar. I always kept a lot of it on me just in case.
One never knows when family will drop in.
"No no no," the Headmaster was moaning, writhing on the chair as he flipped the pages of Powell's tragically useless little grimoire. "There must be something else…"
"You can't kill me," I sighed. "Not with magic. And certainly not with anything Powell scribbled in that thing. Headmaster, you're missing the painfully obvious."
"I will kill you," he hissed, foaming at the mouth. "I will!"
Mary gave the old man a puzzled look, before leaning into another scratch of her ear. "Mary kill human?"
"No," I said. "Not yet. I want the next Headmaster to understand, so I don't have to keep coming back. It's awfully inconvenient."
"Ha!" The Headmaster's eyes blazed with a fierce joy. "Got it! Enfex En Na Murff!"
"He not good at magic," Mary observed.
"No," I agreed. "He's really not. Headmaster, the pronunciation is Infix. And not En Na. It's one word. Inna. Try to give it a syllable and a half, not two on that one. Also, it's M'ff, which is one syllable. Squeeze it all together and lift your bottom jaw while doing it. Also, you need to push your tongue at your teeth at the end."
"Innfix Inna M'ff!"
"Not bad," I said as a portal opened up behind me.
A tentacle reached from the void, joined to a being whose bulk defied reason.
The Headmaster began to cackle again. "This time you can't escape! This time, I'm sending you to be consumed!"
"Right," I said, as the tentacle gave me a gentle pat on the back before retreating. I could feel the heavy weight of the Old Twit's attention, and I knew he was happy.
His bulk was vibrating as his giggles destroyed worlds.
The tentacle then slid around me and paused in front of Mary, whose own tentacles reached out to grip the other. They squeezed for a moment in greeting.
"Daddy," she cooed.
A shift in the air.
A crack in the ice.
A brittle cold wind sweeping past the cheek.
Merged into a single noise which crept out of the void.
"No," she whimpered with a panicked expression. "No, I only had a little nibble! Taran, tell Daddy!"
The tentacle rounded on me.
"I only gave her a bit," I promised. "Just a treat, and no more."
The tentacle patted us both on the head and retreated.
The portal closed with a slippery snap.
And the Headmaster began to cry as I turned to Enid. "Do you understand?"
"What?"
"The void is not a thing. It is not a place. It is not a resource," I told her. "It's a family."
She struggled with the idea, looking from me to Mary. "That's-"
"Madness?" I smiled. "I know. But it is what it is. Now. I have something for you."
"What's this?" She frowned as I passed her a slip of paper. Pulling out some glassed, she put them on.
"Those are my grievances," I told her. "I want you to address them. I've already wasted too much time today."
Enid skimmed the list. "Who are you three guests?"
"They're three very lovely ladies. Poppy, Clover and Violet."
"I don't remember them."
"They're cursed!" The Headmaster hissed. "That's why you're here! You're here to force us into taking them back!"
"Is that all?" Enid blinked.
"It was," I said.
"So, you didn't come here to destroy the library? Or the matrix? Or kill the Headmaster? You just came here to ask us to take in these three girls?"
"No," I said. "I came to ask you to fulfill your obligations to them. They have already paid their fees. But they were removed from Guild accommodation and abandoned in the street. Then they were actively persecuted in an attempt to drive them from the city. All very mookish, wouldn't you agree?"
"I would," she nodded. "Headmaster? Would you care to explain?"
"They're cursed, you blithering idiot!"
"So?" She looked as confused as I had.
"What if someone else catches it?" He glared at her. "What then? Will you take responsibility for that?"
"Henry." Enid rolled her eyes. "You were always a terrible student. But I didn't know you were this bad. You can't catch a curse. They don't work like that!"
"That's what I said," I cried, with a snap of my fingers. "And it's all because that stupid library kept books which presented baseless conspiracy theories and malicious prejudices as truth!"
"Ah," she said, nodding gently. She pulled off her glasses and looked at Mary before meeting my eyes. "I understand now."
"Good," I said. "Because I really don't want to have to do this again in a few years. You seem like a nice person, Enid. I'd hate to have to chuck you into the void."
"And I'd hate to be chucked," she returned drily.
"As for you," I turned to the Headmaster. "I'm afraid I need you to vacate the chair."
"No!" He flailed as he realised what I meant. "You can't! You wouldn't dare!"
"Mary kill human?"
I glanced at my sister. Her wide eyes were looking eager. After all, the Old Twit loved nothing more than gifts. Especially special ones like Headmasters.
"If you want to," I said, motioning towards the fleeing man. "He's all yours."
"Taran good boy," she said, smiling broadly and giving me one last pat on the head. "Please visit Mary soon."
"I will."
She peered down at me, leaning close. "Taran have girlfriend yet?"
"No," I said. "And this isn't really the place to discuss it."
"Taran should get girlfriend. Have little Tarans."
"You sound like Father."
She purred happily at that. Then turned and lumbered after the old Headmaster, whose shrieks began to rise in pitch as the shoggoth's pace picked up.
I watched my sister lumber along and couldn't help but feel a sense of nostalgia. I had missed my family, I realised. Mary was right.
I should visit more often.
As I was pondering this, Mary conjured a vast ball of darkness which engulfed herself and the Headmaster. With a last wave of her tentacles, the ball imploded to a single bright point before blowing away in a puff of nothingness to leave myself and Enid standing alone in the Meeting Room.
"That was a little anti-climactic," she said, clutching my list tightly.
"Nonsense," I snorted. "When was the last time you saw a shoggoth? I'm sure you'll be remembering it for years."
"I hope not," she said.
"Right," I said. "Time to leave. You've got my list."
"One moment," a voice said gently from the dark as flares of mana announced the Council's return. "We still have some business to discuss, I believe…"
***
If you're enjoying this, please support my work. :) Drop a stone, add to your library, or show your love by going to patreon.com/lucasthorn.
As a poor struggling unemployed writer, I often wish I was a young pretty girl so I could open an OnlyFans. Peeps seem happier to support a pretty girl pouting in front of a camera instead of supporting someone creative.
Life. Sometimes I think our priorities are weird.
Anyway. Take care. Be safe.