DAY 1! They get pissed! Society does! Cause I've been fucking around too hard already, past and present day. Let alone my roommate, the hacker!
It's a bust, it's criminals versus criminals now. I'm violent, he's a hacker. It's fucked. The town wants us dead. And it's bullshit. Cause at first, it's for my roommate. A skinny black guy with a gun.
"Your roommate owes me money." Angry Black Man says angrily.
I led him to the stairs. My roommate has left a bundle of cash on the stairs. The Black Man points a gun at me, his hand shaking. I don't blame him. Especially cause I'm a dick!
"YO PERCY! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!? YOU A DRUG DEALER NOW!? MY OWN ROOMMATE!? A DRUG DEALER!? SHAME ON YOU!" I yell sternly.
"It's um… a bribe to not get robbed?" Percy says awkwardly.
"Bullshit! It's too prepared and in a billfold!" I snap sternly.
"Wait, billfold? Hey, hold up. My cards are in there." Percy says sternly.
He walks fatly down the stairs, thundering with each step. The Black Guy pulls out three debit cards. Percy snatches them, glaring sternly with malice.
"All of them. Even the Children's Cards." Percy says.
The Black Guy searches it, and pulls out an entire deck's worth of Yu-Gi-No cards. Then the billfold is just five hundred bucks.
"And give the billfold back. Keep the cash." Percy says sternly.
The Black Man does it, and leaves out the back. I stare annoyedly at Percy.
"I didn't give him anything, it wasn't a drug deal." Percy says angrily.
He rushes up the stairs while I sigh annoyedly.
"Touche. I don't know what that was about at all. It's a weird amount of money for nothing though." I say with rude humor.
"Shut up f@#$%^." Percy says angrily.
He runs fatly up the stairs. I walk back to my room, and wonder what to do. People are now gonna start coming to rob us. I listen to music as I think, and I hear a fight song come on. I just say "Bet." I step outside with my quarterstaff, and there's a drug dealer I used to work with and two random brows with guns.
We stare at each other. The Bass starts bumping, hitting me with the groovy beat.
"Don't do it, fuck face." D-Dog says angrily.
I use my quarterstaff in its greatsword stance, and swing hard from my left to the right. They all back away, and try to open fire. I leap ahead, and thrust my quarterstaff into D-Dog's throat. He gasps for air as I take my hands to grip the middle of the staff, and unleash beatings onto the left gangster. Left shoulder, right, kidney, then the throat while he's in pain and falling to the ground.
Followed by getting shot in the face by a sticker. We're all confused. I peel it off my eye, and it looks like a gunshot png from a videogame.
"BRO! OUR GUNS ARE HACKED!" Gangster 2 yells furiously.
I grin wickedly.
"The world is baby proof except for beatings." I say with wicked glee.
I unleash another beating. Left cheek, right hip, left side of the throat, right jaw, and a thrust to the dick. Followed by a pretty upswing into his jaw as he's hunched over. They're all on the ground except D-Dog, who's gasping for air. I take the greatsword stance again, and deliver a hard right swing into D-Dog. Knocking him and his men out. Then I call the cops, and tell them drug dealer pedophiles are outside my house, unconscious. Because I caught them trying to sell weed to a child and I hated it. Then I hang up.
They were never arrested, they just walked off eventually. And then my cousins show up to brawl.
"So the criminal relatives are showing up to play. Let's kill each other." I say with malicious glee.
They stare at me, as their parents step out of their cars next. And start lecturing me. Which is bullshit, but we deal with it. They're adults, even if they're also criminals. And I'm an adult, but they're older millennials. Life's a joke with each older generation. They have more privileges and more manpower with their gang.
"Jacob, please stop trying to murder the neighborhood. Take your beatings." Aunt says angrily.
"Fuck that shit, we whoop ass around here. Martial Artist life style. I don't lose a fight willingly." I say angrily.
"You owe them money. You all do." Aunt says nervously.
"How, I pay rent. And my bills. I have a job. My mom's the thief if anyone is. Or Percy the hacker is." I say angrily.
"Shut up, I'll kill you then myself." Percy yells angrily from his room.
"Do it pussy, no balls!" I yell angrily.
They stare at me with tense anger.
"It still counts. They can't afford it, they don't have jobs." Aunt says nervously.
My face goes pale with rage. My Uncle gets in front of my mom.
"I owe money for broke n!@#$%?" I say furiously.
Then I giggle to myself.
"Oops, I said a black man's word, I'm so angry. I blame gangster rap for that." I say wryly.
Then I glare again, readying my quarterstaff.
"I don't pay shit for broke people. Tell them to get jobs." I say angrily.
I'm tackled and restrained by all the men in my family immediately. It's a close quarters beatdown that ends with my wallet being stolen out of my pocket. I start trying to bite my cousin's fingers off while they stomp my face in. I just clench my teeth until I'm knocked unconscious.
I wake up with my wallet empty, and my bank account deeply in the red. An impossible amount, it shouldn't even be able to overdraft over $200. I cry about it, then just do the responsible thing. Call the bank to verify it. I'm halfway through the support call, when it happens. My Mom yells "QUIT RAPING US AND HANG UP THE PHONE! WE'LL GIVE YOU YOUR MONEY BACK SOON! JUST CALM DOWN!"
I just glare at her intense.
"I'm $2000 in the red. We can't even pay rent with a full paycheck. How soon is soon? The rent is due next week." I say coldly. "And we're soon to be out of food too."
She begins crying, and goes back into her room. I just keep up with the support call while they claim they're gonna investigate it. Eventually I hang up the phone, and pout for hours. Then days go by, where I work and just wonder what's gonna go wrong.
Until capitalism finds a way. Because it always does. They made me work too hard illegally to survive. It's not worth talking about. None of it is. It's just work.
I move through the debt, and nothing was ever revealed about what happened there besides my mother probably hacked me. I can't prove it though. Ah well. Life goes on somehow. Sadly.
Until I say fuck hackers, let's woop ass with a… stand against hackers? Ugh, they're invisible enemies. That's hard. Wait, capitalism! Pay people to tell me who the hackers were! To 4Chan! I tell them what happened and put a bounty on it. $300. I can afford it with the illegal amounts of overtime I did.
My power gets fucked with. Immediately. It's sad, might as well be a rejection from 4Chan. Until my roommate runs out the house crying with his laptop. And doesn't come back for a week. And my mom shoots her phone by throwing it in water while crying too. I silently enjoyed those moments.
I'm satisfied with that until it strikes back. 4Chan rears its ugly head! A thief comes to my house. Some youtuber from a toxic youtube channel I watch, PhoneyPlays.
"Hey, I'm Kyle. This is my lucky crowbar, Kindness. I'm here to kindly ask for a gift. With force." he says with malicious glee.
I look around my porch, find a brick on a glass table, and throw it at Kyle. It misses, landing at his feet. Then I throw the fucking table! And put on the Alexi Speaker bassed out techno that's edgy as fuck with a manga fighter as the album cover.
Kyle backpedals to avoid the table. I strut out, cocky as fuck with my fists held steady by the chest. Boxer's stance, ready to plant my feet and unleash some rocky hits.
I get in close, duck down under a horizontal hammer swing. Hit him with a beastly uppercut. Then I clothesline him with the same arm in the throat with my bicep. Jump forward, and slam him into the ground.
I wrestle around him until I'm under him and behind him. Arms wrapped around his throat in a sleeper hold. Until he taps out. I stand up and hold a fake title in my head high in the air with both arms. Then go inside and watch youtube.
Until Kyle comes in my house with a gun! I throw a baked potato I was eating at him. It bursts open, and freshly baked potato burns his hand. It hurts enough that he drops his gun on my desk. I pick it up and shoot him in the stomach three times. He snatches his gun back and runs away bleeding. Huzzah! Easy victory.
The next day while playing videogames, everything goes wrong. President Trump enters the chat. With the F.B.I.
Trumpster: Mr.Hemlock, we have your house surrounded. Prepare to be psychologically tortured, illuminati style. Confess your sins or be forced to experience torture.
I smirk, amused at this "joke".
"Sure, I fucked your wife Trump. And jerked off to her nudes when Russia published them." I joke happily.
Suddenly a SWAT Agent jumps through my window. And fucks up the landing cause my bed is too high. He falls backwards through the window, onto the ground and shards of glass. We all laugh at him. Then they throw a flashbang at me! AH!
I awaken in my room again, with my door locked. Weird, it never had a lock before. CraigCraig appears on screen.
"Welcome to Groomersville, Youtuber Edition! Tell us your sins, or be sent to Guantanamo Bay!" CraigCraig yells with sadistic glee.
"This isn't real, shut up. I'm dreaming." I laugh.
I imagine myself waking up. Instead a government agent walks in, picks up my tv, and puts it on my desk. Then he in front of me, with his AK47 pointed at me. I am now tense as fuck.