There is a claim society once made. The Government once said "The world is baby proof. Guns don't even work. None of you can die. So shut up and work." It sounds like Trump in my head. It's a scary thought for killers who want bad people to die.
But the Martial Artist in me grins. Cause if it can't die, it can still be knocked out. And let's be honest. If you can't die, life is a videogame to an extent.
I'm at a Municipal Building. It's a room for local government paperwork to be done. Like an election year. 2024 was bullshit. Proud Boys were doing terrorism to make sure Trump won. Like burning ballot boxes. Or fucking forcing douchey liberals like me out the voter's bin. And I had been through so much bullshit with Government Agent, Proud Boy Dan. That I just knew I had to stand up to him. Just to cause drama and to fuck with Combat Analysts. Cause if I beat the Government and Proud Boys enough, it'll give them all brain damage.
I square up with my stance, and they tense up. I laugh at Dan.
"Have you shot me before? The world is baby proof. Your gun is a BB gun, isn't it? Especially with your blubber. Let alone mine." I say cockily.
They all glare intensely at me as they pull out their guns. It makes everyone scared immediately. I just laugh and pull out my phone. I start livestreaming the event after putting in the title 'Gonna Fight Proud Boys So I Can Vote'. Then I stick it in my shirt pocket.
"Put that away!" Dan orders tensely.
"Let me vote, Proud Boy. Or I'll start a rebellion. If you win too hard, Anarchy wins. And Anarchy leads to Pedophilia." I say angrily. "You're pedophiles if you don't let me vote, anarchists."
They get close with their guns and Dan is the leader, screaming his head off.
"WE WORK FOR TRUMP, WE ARE BETTER THAN YOU LIBERAL! HE'S CLEANING THE DEEP STATE!" Dan yells furiously.
I get in his face, my hands squared up near my chest as a block. But my hands are open palms to wrap around Dan's fat neck.
"BITCH, TRUMP WAS FRIENDS WITH JEFFREY EPSTEIN AND HUNG OUT AT BEAUTY PAGEANTS FOR MINORS!" I yell furiously.
It sets off too much on the spot. Immediately. To the point it's insane. First, Card Game Theorist Heaven happens. They all pull out guns and point. I yell "WHAT YA GONNA DO ABOUT THE BODY, R!@#$%^!? AND THE COMPANY!?"
They all tense up immediately. Cause too much bullshit has happened at work in my life, and I bring out my favorite card to fuck with Dan.
"I'M THE BEST WORKER AT OUR COMPANY DAN! IF I DIE, OUR COMPANY TAKES A MAJOR HIT CAUSE ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE LAZY AS FUCK!" I yell furiously. "NOW LET ME VOTE OR LOSE EVERYTHING IF YOU KILL ME! UNLESS I'M REPLACEABLE BITCH!"
It ends right there with Cops showing up and ending the polls for that day. It was bullshit. They threw a flashbang, then a Female Cop grabs my hand, and takes me to my car. She orders me to leave or I'm arrested. I voted through the mail instead, and I never confirmed if my vote was counted.
Bullshit escalates the next day because Dan wants to prove I'm the worst worker. And fails because he can't even get my hours cut. He's mad at me the whole time as our Supervisor explains it.
"He's made the most parts for the whole company. Nobody is even close." Supervisor says sadly.
And this is when a bit later, Hoe Queens showed up to try to make me do their work. Unfortunately, I had a rant saved up for my ex, Sera.
"The Company is fucking screwed if y'all don't get off your asses and quit sucking dick! The safety stock is a scam! There's nothing there!" I yell angrily.
She just runs off crying to go check. And admit she's screwed and depressed at a smoke break.
"There's no fucking parts, and I sucked their dicks for nothing." Sera says sadly.
She's saying it to her other Hoe Queens of the factory. They're all sad. I just stepped out to smoke, and snapped at them.
"You're all the fucking problems. Should've checked after those blowjobs if they did work, sluts. Anarchy's a bitch. If it doesn't lead to pedophilia, it ruins society another way. Like today, it ruins our profits for our company. Where we make money ourselves. Though I suppose you hoes got OnlyFans." I say angrily.
They all just start crying.
"This was supposed to be a way out, Jacob." Sera says with miserable anger.
"Then work." I snap angrily.
I sit down and smoke. They sit in silence at their table, while I'm away from them on the stairs. Then I rant out loud cause I'm bored and mad at life.
"Anarcho-Capitalism is bullshit. It's grained into life because the Cops are at least twenty minutes away at all times. We've got beaters, hoes, and hackers at work just to avoid working. And life is r!@#$%^&. We've all done such amounts of bullshit just here at work to survive working and slash or, avoid work."
"Shut up Jacob. You're making me sad." Sera says angrily.
"Whatever." I say bitterly.
Life's a joke from this point on for a bit. It settles into a pattern of me working while people get exposed for not working. Until everything is a joke. And my roommate, who doesn't have a point system, admits he has no rent cause he skipped a whole week's worth of work. The stupid fat fuck. I just glare intensely at him while he squirms like a sad child loser.
"You're still paying unless you're moving out. Unless you're gonna be like my mom next. Then you're both layabouts." I say angrily.
He gets a stiff spine immediately.
"I get paid weekly. It'll be here next week." he says with an actor's worth of determination.
I'm impressed enough to smile and walk away. It actually shows up. Until it's weird again. Cause he managed to get money while his boss complains to me he was fired. Then I'm confused again. And admit I have no idea what he's doing then, other than already working. Cause I got my rent. And the other utilities. So I'm happy.
Until I'm not. Cops show up, claiming it's a Raid. I'm confused as shit.
"Do I get an explanation for why?" I ask with tense kindness.
An entire SWAT Team with Government Dan in SWAT Uniform is at my door.
"Your mom stole shit from the neighborhood. And someone hacked us." Cop 1 says annoyedly.
I blank face and nod tensely. I hold out my hands for cuffs. They look at me confusedly.
"Am I being cuffed?" I ask nervously.
"No, go outside and wait." Cop 1 says with firm anger.
I walk past them and go outside. As I do, one of them elbows me in the ribs. But I restrain myself cause I'm smart and they're Cops. Then I'm outside, smoking my gray matter weed vape. Which causes minor trouble with a cute female cop in a patrol van.
"Hey, that's illegal." Female Cop says annoyedly.
"No, it's not." I say mischievously with a smirk. "It's gray matter."
"How's it gray matter? That sounds like a new drug." Female Cop says with skeptic annoyance.
My smirk becomes a Jester's Grin as I explain the scam.
"This is THC-P. Or some shit. The reason you can buy it from tobacco shops is cause there's no legal framework around it at all." I say happily.
Her jaw drops for a second. Then she pulls out a phone.
"A lawyer said that to me yesterday, I'm mad. I'm calling a lawmaker." Female Cop says angrily.
I laugh for a few seconds.
"Sunshine, aren't you working? Wait until you're off work to do it." I say with charm.
She glares at me softly with amusement.
"Don't flirt with me, thought criminal. We'll make it illegal one day, it's a drug. A weird one that needs laws around it." Female Cop says annoyedly.
"Okay, but weed is legal." I joke.
"Shut up! Only on the state level, asshole! Stupid stoner lawyer junior!" Female Cop snaps angrily.
I laugh and keep smoking. Until they're done, and nothing happened. Again, as per usual. Cause life is dumb.
"Your roommate refuses to let us in. He's threatening suicide." Cop Lieutenant says angrily.
I smirk with dark amusement.
"Why not let him do it? He could be Michael Jackson if he's hiding during a raid." I joke darkly.
He glares at me.
"Don't try and make me let a man die from his dumb mistakes. I'm a Cop. I don't like letting innocents die." Cop Lieutenant says angrily.
I roll my eyes.
"You're a dumbass, he's taking advantage of that to hide his crimes. It's such a dumb joke. This is sad and corrupt. Corrupt due to suicide threats. Pedophiles will use this trick to hide kids eventually, ya know." I say annoyedly.
He glares at me while I smirk at him like the fool he is.
"Shut up, quit guilt tripping me with pedophilia. You're a douchebag. I'm calling his parents." Cop Lieutenant says angrily.
I gasp with glee.
"I love that idea! Call his priest too, it'll be funny." I say happily.
He glares at me and snaps "FUCKING GUILT TRIPPING DOUCHE! QUIT RUINING MY JOB!" Then storms off while pulling out his phone and radio to start making calls.
I just lurk in the background and listen to one sided conversations. And my roommate occasionally yelling out the window threats. Both suicidal and hostile.
"Listen, Mr.Mason, your son's roommate is convinced he's a suicidal pedophile. Can you please tell your son to calm down so we all can search his room and become relieved of the hopefully true fact he's not a pedophile hacker?" Cop Lieutenant says nicely.
"I'll fucking sue if anyone calls me a pedophile one more time." Roommate says angrily.
"Pedophile." I shout with spite.
"I'll kill myself and blame it on you Jacob. You're one of my 13 Reasons why." Roommate says spitefully.
I smirk with a jester's spite.
"I DON'T CARE IF I'M ONE OF YOUR REASONS! DO IT, AN OP DIES IF YOU DO!" I yell with amused spite.
"Sir! Please, we hate suicide in this town. Think of your cousin that did it." Female Cop lectures sternly.
I sigh angrily.
"Finnneee. No more baiting people into suicide." I say with fake, sarcastic guilt.
The Cops stare at me sternly.
"This is why we hate you, Jacob. We know you don't care if I'd do it." Roommate says with sad anger.
I laugh.
"Shut up pedophile! Prove you ain't one, and maybe I'll feel bad." I yell, amused and stern. "You fucking your dog up there!?"
"Jacob, shut up. We ain't the Cops, we're security." Repo says angrily.
They take their helmets, and I laugh until it's not funny. Then I fall to my knees, and scream furiously at the heavens.
"DAMN YOU ANARCHO-CAPITALISMMMM! WE'VE BECOME A COMPANY TOWN BEFORE THEY EVEN ADMIT IT OFFICIALLY! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN LIKE THIS!?"
"Too long, like a month, and I hate it." Repo says angrily. "Don't you remember? The Cops went on strike weeks ago. And Capitalism finds a way."
I sigh angrily.
"Greaatttt. Now we're in Oligarchy Court. This is why suicide threats are working." I groan with angry sadness.
I sit on my yard, laying on my back. Crying and card gaming life. Realizing that's why so much anarchy happens. We're a Company Town. "UUUUUGGGHHHHH!"
"Shut up Jacob! It's all bullshit!" Female Cop snaps angrily.
"I know. Tell my roommate to go to jail." I say angrily.
"Boss just says to search his room while he's at work." Repo says tensely.
My eyes widen with delight.
"Suddenly Company Town Cops are based!" I say happily.
Hours later, cause he's a night shifter. They find nothing. But they know it's still suspicious. His whole fat ass family showed up to clean his room. For hours. Then admitted they were screwed. For a surprisingly simple and dumb thing. I'm still paranoid about crimes, and this was minor.
"The floors smell like dog piss. We don't have the money. Don't tell the landlord." Roommate says sadly.
My Mother screeches for hours. And we move on. Cause we don't get the floors done until after he moves out. Mainly because more bullshit happened between then and now. I was broke too. And also, he dealt with it. I didn't live up there yet.
They didn't find anything of crimes when they searched it. Besides too many cords and computers.
"I knew he was a hacker, we just can't prove it until we catch him doing it. He even had a dark web router. It reroutes his internet to another state. It's legal, but suspicious." Repo says angrily.