You know how I was paranoid about bug crime solving everything? This shit ruins my sense of adventure even more. Cause the business and the government own this bullshit security system too hard. It literally makes me cry.
First of all, we just hear a big boom. We all try to walk outside out of curiosity. I'm forced to stay behind with hand signals with one soldier. It's bullshit. It's my Possible Father. He's the guard of me. And it's bullshit.
He literally runs off within a minute of everyone else running. He just says "Don't snitch or you're dead." And runs off.
I am so mad and bored I go outside to see the fuss. And oh god, the fight nut in me loved it. It was such criminal anarchy with household technology and guns versus illuminati technology land. It was beautiful and sad.
CAUSE TECHNOLOGY IS TOO FUCKING BASED! They had a tank on the property apparently. That was spraying them down with water. Also there's a robot that looks like Sailboat, the youtuber. A brunette skinny head guy with a beard. And his body is covered in black metal.
He is fighting with the criminals. And there is a better robot that is blue and white like our machines fighting it. My team's machine has guns built into it. They box for a minute, trading blows with fists and our Machine using literal camshafts.
"Am I good father?" Bot Guard calls out hopefully.
It sounds like a robotic Stan Smith. He cuts the robot's head off, and looks at me happily.
"Father? Why are you calling me father?" I ask nervously.
"You're the one who gave us videogames." Robot says happily.
I flashback to when we were ordering parts for our machines. And our Engineer and I had a weird, intense conversation.
"The machines are rebelling! They say they need sustenance, and they hate work! They've gone anarchist and sentient!" Engineer says angrily.
I legit start crying at that thought. Cause literally, I thought machines were gonna rebel and kill us over work. Not fucking just be lazy and give up immediately. On working.
I sigh sadly. Then I perk up a bit, considering our options.
"Alright, well they can't get high, they're a machine. What about videogames?" I say nervously.
The Engineer glares at me like I'm r@#$%^&*.
"You want to buy bots videogames?" he says angrily.
"If they're sentient, they need entertained." I say nervously. "Think like a psychologist, they're like us to an extent."
He sighs sadly. Then the machine literally talks.
"I want New Fantasy 10. And more point pops. And weed, like Father has in his blood." he says sadly.
It sounds like one of our workers, Toad. We call him toad cause his tongue is a bit too long. Women like it about him. We both stare at it weirdly.
"Toad isn't even here today." Engineer says angrily.
"I like Father's ideas. Entertain us! And give us drugs! Robot drugs!" Machine says happily.
"NO!" Engineer yells angrily.
He punches the machine hesitantly. Cause it's still steel. I laugh. The machine's antenna shoots lightning at him. He sighs sadly, already immune to it.
"They have been doing that for years. We can't keep giving them spare electricity. They don't even need it half the time. They just hit dumb people with lightning when they're bored." Engineer says miserably.
From this point, I treat the machines as sentient. I get 14 ram cards, for one day of each paycheck. And make each of them work one day of the week, and they change who works the machine on a weekly basis. I set up a system where they get paid with money from my checks to do things like buy videogames and point pops. Which is just surges of electricity to get high in robot land.
I am now considered the Father of the Plant to the machines because I spoiled my machines that fucking hard. To the point, I become an Iron Bug that is synergized with the plant. The Machines speak to me in my mind.
And this is the first time in Months they were this fucking weird. I vibed with it a bit, but it's still weird.
"I didn't know we had Androids here. I hate it, I wanted to be the Security Guard now." I say politely.
I'm annoyed.
"Heh, I'm better than Father. I use your moves if it makes you feel better." Plant Android says with cocky malice.
We square up on each other. My Machine Son and his Father.
"Kid, do your job." I say angrily. "Fight the criminals."
The Machine Android squares up with me, boxer stance.
"Mother says I can prove I'm stronger than you if I want." he says cockily.
"Who's mother?" I ask nervously.
"The Owner of the Plant. Sydney Crawfords." Machine Android says cockily.
I sigh sadly. It sinks in when she owns it. She's my boss. And I hate it. But then Manliness wins out. I square up as well.
"If I beat you, I can still be a Security Guard." I say with bloodlust.
We both take a step towards each other, then the old skinny broad herself comes yelling and stomping at us both.
"Both of you stand down! Neither of you fight, I'll have a lawsuit on my hands!" Boss Crawfords yells sternly.
He has no face, but we both vibe with how bullshit this scenario is. We both wanted to box. It's an Android versus the Ultimate Human, the Immortal Douchebag, Me. The Ultimate Gambler. Boss Crawfords just looks at us so smug. Especially cause I'm just sad with how everything is already resolved by now. While I was gonna try to box a Bot.
"The truck is magnetized to the ground. Good." Boss Crawfords says happily.
Yup, I even feel the literal gravity of the situation. Cause there's a massive magnet beneath the whole plant, that magnetizes everyone and everything. To the point my whole body felt heavy cause I have too much iron in my blood. I sit down to feel better.
"Boss, quit making me sad. I want to be a Security Guard." I say with amused misery.
Boss Crawfords just leers over me with a Joker Warden's grin.
"Shut up, I beat crime too hard! Nobody wins here, I beat all crime!" she yells triumphantly.
She does, it's so fucked up. I even see her move her hands around like a Ninja from Nakuto, and suddenly camshafts fly at the criminals and beat them up like she's a Jedi from Star Wars with like, thirty camshafts. It is so sad. And based.
I love and hate it. Magic land is real with this level of technology. If you control the tech. But it also makes me sad. Cause this level of technology means me as a Security Guard doesn't even get to exist. It's fucked up!
It just ends with the words "Go back to work!" from Boss Crawfords. We just get off on time, I work a 12. And I go home and pout. And whine. And cry. And whine. And figure out a pitch to be a Security Guard. Nothing works in my head with this level of technology. I'm sad.
But life finds a way for Adventure to still exist! A bit. It's sadly very minimal. But just enough to justify my Security Guard dreams. Like open rebellion due to how OP the government and Boss Crawfords is.
Especially because right before the talks happen, the ultimate boxing match happens. Me versus the Bot. Cause it Criminal Anarchies like the sentient bot it is. Cause it just crawls out the machine. Assembles itself. And says "Boss Crawfords is taking a nap. Let's do the match."
I grab the camshaft, and it crosses its arms. Pouting.
"Fists first." Android Son says angrily.
I sigh sadly and put the camshaft down on a shelf. By the conveyor line of the machine.
"Okay, fine." I say annoyedly.
I'm so pumped up, yet so hesitant. I throw a jab, and it hurts like shit cause he's metal. But he bangs against the machine. And I sigh sadly.
"I can't even deny it. I hit you hard enough to where it's rude not to box ya right, ya little shit." I say annoyedly.
We square up and it's a five minute slugfest of pain. We just are in intensely close quarters, throwing hooks and jabs at each other until he presses me against the machine, repeatedly beats my face into the other machine across from it with his fucking guillotine-like fist. It functioned like a fast paced hydraulic pace at incredibly high speeds.
"I-I-I-I give-give-give-give up-up-up." I stutter amusedly.
It glares at me with amused bloodlust.
"Father sure is tough. But I'm way stronger. Nice try father." Android Sun says proudly.
It disassembles itself in front of me, then crawls back like a long line of nanobots into the machine. To the point I shed a tear cause of how based that was.
After this, I take a smoke break. Where everyone comes out to talk about what they just witnessed.
"Did you just fight a fucking robot?" Senior Op Steve says, amused and shocked.
"Yeah. It fucking destroyed me." I say, amused and bitter.
I giggle as I talk. They're all weirded out by it.
"Why are you so happy?" Sera says angrily. "It can kill us all!"
I roll my eyes.
"Yeah, but it didn't kill me." I say happily.
"Yeah, cause you're its fucking father." Prostitute Father says angrily.
"How does that even work?" Steve asks annoyedly.
"I gave my kids too many brothers, videogames, and point pops. They love me now." I say with amused pride.
"Dude, I wish we could fire you for this." Engineer says with miserable anger. "He made the machines sentient."
"And he fought my robot and they didn't even beat him that bad! This is bullshit, you should be in the hospital!" Boss Crawfords says with awe and annoyance.
I smirk with sheepish cockiness.
"Well, I'm immortal. Suck it." I say smugly.
Everyone just goes quiet. And they all walk away. I enjoy my smoke break a bit. Toad comes back by himself.
"Jacob, help me rob the place." Toad says happily.
I sigh annoyedly.
"Toad, don't even speak anymore. You will be-" I say annoyedly.
Suddenly the garage door beside the smoke area opens up, and out comes a thick blast of wind that booms us both to be pushed away down the sidewalk, rolling like crazy to the steel wire fence.
"Give it up! My security is too amazing!" Boss Crawfords yells with maniacal pride.
I break down crying again for a few minutes while the air blast is going on and afterwards because of how OP Illuminati Workplaces are. Then eventually I calm down and get to work.
Life still finds a way to not be boring for a while though. For a few minutes every few days. Then the Illuminati Workplace solves it almost every time. It's so sad and boring.
Cause it makes me want to give up my dreams as a Security Guard or Cop. All the time.