Chapter 13: The One with the Valentine's Day Date
Place Change: Monica's Apartment, February 14, 1995 (POV: Ross Geller)
Ross Geller was a nervous wreck. It was Valentine's Day, and he was taking Rachel on a date. A real date. A date that was not a group outing. A date that was just the two of them. And he was… a disaster.
He was frantically pacing back and forth in Monica's apartment, his face a mask of pure panic. Chandler, who was dreading a date with Janice, was just sitting on the couch, shaking his head.
[SYSTEM: TAKE MONICA BELLUCCI TO LE BERNARDIN, FEBRUARY 14, 1995. COMPLIMENT HER CHARM.]
Adam's eyes widened slightly. "Le Bernardin. Perfect. A fancy dinner, a beautiful woman, a little bit of… a prank." He then discreetly reached over and, in one smooth motion, hid Monica's recipe book. He then grinned, waiting for the chaos.
Place Change: Central Perk, February 14, 1995 (POV: Chandler Bing)
The air in Central Perk was thick with the scent of coffee, muffins, and a whole lot of love advice. Rachel Green, a whirlwind of nervous energy, was clutching a coffee cup in her hands, her knuckles white. She was trying to explain her date fears to a very, very confused Phoebe.
"I just… I just don't know what to say! What if he asks me about… dinosaurs? What if he asks me about… bones? What if he asks me about… the difference between a high-waisted pant and a… a regular-waisted pant? I don't know! I don't know the difference! I just wear the pants! I just… wear them!" Rachel's voice was high and tight, and she was gesticulating wildly, almost knocking over a small pile of muffins on the counter.
Phoebe, ever the eccentric, offered her support in the only way she knew how. "Rachel, don't worry about it. Just think of the date as a… a dance. A beautiful, beautiful dance. And you are the star of your own dance! And the dance is… love! And love is… a dance! A dance that has… a lot of crying. And a lot of… yelling. And a lot of… dancing."
Adam, meanwhile, was sharing his Le Bernardin plan with the group. "I'm going to Le Bernardin. A friend of mine has a new project, and I just want to show my support."
Chandler, ever the mocker, just shook his head. "Le Bernardin? Adam, you're not a Le Bernardin guy. You're a… a prank guy. You're a guy who hides other people's recipe books. You're not a guy who eats at fancy restaurants. The only fancy restaurant you've ever eaten at is… McDonald's. And you just ate a Big Mac with your hands. With your hands!"
Just then, Rachel, who had been listening intently, just stuttered, "M-M-M-Monica Bellucci? Y-you're going to Le Bernardin with M-M-M-Monica Bellucci? The supermodel? The actress? The… the goddess?! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" She then, of course, spilled her coffee all over herself, which was a fitting end to a very, very chaotic scene.
Time Change: Valentine's Night, February 14, 1995 (POV: Ross Geller)
The Valentine's Day date was a blur of nervous laughter, awkward silences, and the scent of expensive perfume. Ross Geller, a man who was used to the chaos of a sitcom, was a man who was now a part of the elegant, professional chaos of a fancy restaurant. He was wearing a tuxedo. A tuxedo that he had bought with his System money. A tuxedo that he was not going to be able to return.
He was sitting across from Rachel, a woman who was, in fact, more beautiful in person than she was on the screen. She was wearing a beautiful dress. A dress that was a metaphor for… everything.
"Rachel," he said, his voice a low, melodic purr. "Thank you for coming. It means a lot to me."
"Of course," she said, a small, sincere smile on her face. "I'm a big fan of your work. Your performance in this film was… it was a masterpiece. A masterpiece of… acting. A masterpiece of… beauty. A masterpiece of… everything."
Rachel just smiled. "Thank you. That's very kind of you to say."
The Valentine's Day date was a beautiful, beautiful thing. And then… and then it was over. And then it was time for… the prank. The prank that was a part of the plan. The prank that was going to make Monica so, so mad.
Time Change: The next morning, February 15, 1995 (POV: Joey Tribbiani)
The air in Monica's apartment was a comfortable, familiar mess, a stark contrast to the high-pressure world of Rachel's new job. Joey, however, was in a good mood. A really, really good mood. He had just gotten off the phone with his boss, and he had gotten a positive review. A real, honest-to-god positive review.
"Okay, Joey. Breathe. You can do this. You are a professional. You are a fashion executive. You are not a waitress. You are not a waitress. You are not a waitress. You are a… a success. You are a success in a beautiful dress. You are a success who is going to get a raise. And then you're going to buy a new dress. A new, even more beautiful dress."
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