I woke up with a start, my breathing out of control and chaotic. A ringing sound echoing endlessly in my ear. It took me several minutes just to realise that my phone was ringing, not my mobile phone, it's probably dead by now, it was the home landline. I try to get up but the pain from various parts of my body is protesting against my actions. All I can do is ignore it as I have done before and force myself to get up.
"Hello?" I realise how hoarse my voice sounds right now and how parched my throat feels.
" Avery?! Are you okay??! Why have you been not answering your phone?" The voice shoot these rapid fire questions at me is so loud that my already pounding head feels like it'll explode.
" Could you please tone it down? My heaf is killing me..." I complained.
" .....are you serious right now?....you....you were not answering your phone yesterday the whole day and then it's switched off...do you have any idea how worried Mom and I were???we could barely sleep! You! Forget it! we have booked a flight and we are about to board the flight!" I hear my sister speaking though gritted teeth.
" Wait what?! Hey! Don't just han---" before I could say or explain anything that hot tempered woman already hung up on me....
I groan as I get up and and re dial her number.
" What? Say it quickly it's almost our turn"
I think they are in security check line.
" Brat! This is now way to talk to your elder sister! " I scold her before continuing " calm down okay. I'm alright. It's just that yesterday I went out but I forgot to bring my phone with me by the time I got back it was already very late . You know I have trouble sleeping , I have been unable to sleep for past few days again so I was too tired and totally forgot about my phone. It might have been dead by now, I just woke up. So don't worey okay?"
I lied....well not all of it is a lie but what does that matter?
"....."there's silence on the other side of the phone.
" Hello?" I speak again
" Hmm....you...you really are so troublesome!" I can hear her huff and complain some more about it then the phone seen to have been taken by mom. Sure enough it's mom's voice....
" Avery....baby are you unable to sleep again?" I hear mom's voice. It has been a long while....tears are building up in my eyes and I really feel like crying all over again....
" Yeah..." I respond softly. I cannot trust my voice to speak normally, she'll definitely catch on.
" Are....are you taking those suppliments we gave you?" She asks ....hmmm I...what...oh I remember...those I seem to have forgotten about them
" Yeah....they have been helpful" I assure her. I feel guilty but I stopped taking them after one or two times.
Mom insists on those suppliments almost obsessively.
Now that I think about it....why ? Why does she insists on me taking those suppliments?
Why did I stop taking them? I wonder as I grab my phone from my sling bag and take it to the eoom to charge. As I do so I can't help but look at the bed side table. There in the second drawer are those suppliments my mom has been sending me....so why did I.....hmmm I remember now ...those suppliments they have a 'magical' effect that's what Mom tried to convince me back then ...
I tried to force myself to throw up. Physiological tears streaming down my cheeks due to my actions. These days I had been unable to hear Noah's voice.... before I could atleast see him in my hallucinations and hear him talking to me in my dreams but these days ....he doesn't even want to see me or let me hear his voice.... it's been so long ....so many days has passed but there are no traces of him anymore... What do I do now?!!!
Those suppliments!!! They are not good !!! They make me sleep so well that I don't even dream! It's all because of them!!
I grabbed my phone and dialled her number.
" Hello? Honey? Didn't we talk just a while ago? What's up?" She asked in her warm sweet voice but I am in no mood for all the pleasantries.
" What's up ? Why don't you tell me mom, what's up with those suppliments? Where did you even get them from?" I asked .
She sounded so confused and alao a little angry at the way I was talking to her.
After that....things had escalated and we had a huge argument.... I stopped taking those suppliments....
That was what had happened a month or two ago... I may have been too sensitive and desperate back then....it was not even a big deal but I ..... I stare at the supplement bottle in my hand as a bad feeling wells up in my stomach.
I hope it's just me thinking wildly or just me trying to play detective conan knock off version....maybe I have watched a little too much detective serials or documentaries or it's just the shock of what happened yesterday that has messed up with my brain circuit....but a remotely possible thought came to my mind.... I quickly shook my head.... something like that only happens in some animes or movies....
Here's a funny thing about brain ....once a thought occurs...then no matter how much you try to distract yourself you can't truly forget them....
Even when my mom and sister lived with me for these few days I still couldn't let go of that thought .
I felt like a lunatic...but then the question arose ' when was I ever in my ' right' mind?'
When they left to go back home , they still worried about my health and mental state....but they never asked me anything about Noah....they even seemed like deliberately avoiding and repulsed to that name. The look in my mother's eyes when that name slipped through my lips made me realise the details that I had never noticed before....was it always like this..? whenever I so excitedly shared some ' happy moments ' of ' us' together on the video calls before.....?