Joke chapter... Well, dark joke chapter, so pls don't be serious
Also, if you are America, i hope i don't get kill or something?
You have been warn
***
"Hey, Peter! Wanna go grab some McDonald's?"
Harry's voice came through the phone. Peter scratched his head, squinting slightly since he'd just woken up.
"Nah."
"What?! Why not?! There's a special event today!"
"...What event?"
"LGBT couple—"
"Alright, no."
Just as Peter was about to hang up, Harry shouted,
"HEY, HEY, HEY, DON'T HANG UP! If you don't wanna play along with me, then bring Gwen! They've got discounts for straight couples too today!"
"...Umm, yeah... Thanks, but I'm lazy."
"Please, man! I'm craving a burger!"
"You're a hundred times richer than my family and you're saying that?"
"I... Well... I just wanna eat with friends..."
...Sigh.
"Fine, alright."
"Sweet! I'll swing by your place soon!"
The call ended. Peter put the phone down on the table and looked at the bed.
He pulled the blanket off, revealing a girl clinging to his leg, drooling.
"...Ugh."
He had no idea how she got in here, but... Ughhh.
Then... Gwen woke up.
"WHAT?! GOING TO MCDONALD'S WITH YOU?! YIPPEE!!"
"Harry's coming too."
"...Tch."
"Alright, get ready... Wait, how are you gonna change? I don't recall you living here," I asked her.
"Don't worry! Magical love beam beam!!"
By some bizarre logic, her pajamas turned into a rainbow and then instantly became casual outing clothes.
"...How?"
After that, the two of us stepped outside and saw Harry waiting for us.
"Ayo! What's up?" Harry waved.
We walked over. I adjusted my glasses while Gwen scrunched her face at Harry.
"...You two don't seem thrilled, huh?"
"It's fine, let's just head to McDonald's."
So, the three of us walked to the nearby McDonald's.
"By the way, did you hear?" Harry asked.
"Hear what?" I glanced at him while Gwen clung to my leg.
"The UK's censoring stuff on X, P*rnhub, blah blah, all under the guise of protecting kids."
"Why are you bringing politics into this???" I was baffled.
"Well, I'm from the UK, aren't I? Gotta mention it." (What? Really?)
"Anyway, I didn't care much at first... Until..."
Harry pulled out his phone and showed Peter.
Spotify now requires identity verification to use.
"...WTF?"
"See?? Dude! It's a music app, not porn! Why are they doing this?? Are kids not allowed to listen to music now???" Harry complained.
"...It's fine, we're in the US, not the UK. You don't need to worry."
"Yeah... You're right. Life in the US is better than in the UK—"
Boom!!
We turned toward the sound of an explosion, where a crowd of immigrants was throwing homemade bombs at the police.
"Black lives matter!" a Black guy shouted, followed by a chorus of cheers from others.
"You don't support LGBT??! Everyone! Fuck him up!!" a girl with rainbow-colored hair pointed at a random guy, and a mob rushed to beat him up.
"WHY DON'T YOU GO VEGAN?! GO VEGAN, YOU JERK!!!!" an extremely skinny girl shoved a handful of park-picked greens into someone's mouth.
"..."
I hope this fanfic doesn't get me in trouble. I really hope so.
"Alright, we're here at McDonald's!" Harry stopped in front of the door, pointing at the restaurant.
Hmm... This place looks no different from any other McDonald's.
"I want a burger!" Gwen said.
"Oh? What kind?"
"You~"
"Ahh~ I'm not on the menu, keep dreaming."
I walked in with Harry while Gwen was on the verge of tears.
And as soon as we got inside...
"YOU GUYS ARE THE WORST! JUST BECAUSE I'M BIG AND FAT, YOU WON'T GIVE ME A HAPPY MEAL, HUH?!!! CALL THE MANAGER!" A heavyset girl was rolling on the floor, crying her eyes out.
"Um, ma'am, I am the manager."
"THEN I'LL GIVE THIS CRAPPY PLACE ONE STAR! YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!! AGHHH, MY HAPPY MEAL!!!"
"..." Harry and Peter exchanged glances.
"Uh? Why are you two just standing there not ordering? What's—" Gwen walked up, about to say more, then saw the scene in front of her.
The three of us looked at each other.
"Oh, hello, customers! What would you like to order?" The manager ignored the screaming customer and approached us.
"...What's going on?"
"...Ugh, nothing much, just another day," the manager said, seemingly relieved to deal with someone normal.
"Another day? You mean that person... Always comes here for a Happy Meal or something?"
"Yeah... Happy Meals are meant for kids... But the ones buying them are always... Adults."
Ohhh, I see. Kids who never grow up, huh.
"Peter! Happy Meals sound happy! I wanna try one—"
"NONONO GWEN!"
The customer turned and glared at the three of them.
A nerdy brown-haired guy with glasses, good-looking but too nerdy—pass!
The other guy looks like he'd work out in the middle of the ocean! Working out is bad—pass!
And this blonde girl... Grrr... She's pretty and dares to compete for my Happy Meal?! I'm gonna make a TikTok about this awful day!
"YOU GUYS DARE TO GANG UP ON ME JUST BECAUSE I'M FAT?! WHAT DOES MY WEIGHT HAVE TO DO WITH YOU?! MY BODY, MY CHOICE—"
Suddenly, her face turned red, then purple, and she collapsed.
We all panicked and rushed over to check if she was still alive.
"WHOA! A stroke and she's still alive?! That's wild!" Harry exclaimed.
"Call an ambulance," I said, rubbing my forehead, exhausted by today.
Soon after, the ambulance arrived and took her away.
"Peter, do you think she'll die?" Gwen asked curiously.
"Probably."
"Huh? Why?"
"Health insurance."
"...Ohhh, I get it. They won't cover her, right?"
"Yup."
Finally, the three of us got our food.
"Oh well, at least we got our food. A bit disappointed there wasn't a discount, but... Okay, I guess?" Harry scratched his head, holding the bag of food.
"Now let's go somewhere to eat... Gwen?"
We both looked at Gwen, who was opening the bag and giving some food to a stray dog.
"Look, Peter! Good doggo!" She pointed at the dog, which was eating some chicken.
Peter and Harry smiled.
"The US might suck sometimes... But there are still good things, like Gwen," Harry said.
"Thanks."
"Gwen, you're so kind," Peter added.
"KYAAA!!! PETER COMPLIMENTED ME!!! Say it again!" Gwen hugged me, rubbing her face into my shirt.
Harry smiled at me.
"The US might suck—"
"You don't need to repeat the exact same line, Harry."
Harry then looked up at the sky, suddenly raising an eyebrow.
"Hey, Peter, why's there a plane up there?"
"Huh?"
We looked up. There were two planes... Flying much lower than usual.
"...Wait... OH NO, OH NO, OH NO, OH NO!"
"Why are they flying toward a place they shouldn't?!"
"THEY'RE ABOUT TO CRASH INTO—"
The end.