I stared at the message she sent. She thought I was the good person, the victim, always being nice, accepting me, making my sin worse, and the inner voices loud. She makes my heart race, makes me want to destroy Croix with my own hands, her tears felt like lead on my heart, I wanted to tell her, to confess, to have her hate me but I can't, I don't want to, I have never been scared of anything in my life, the thought of her finding out gave me severe anxiety and now someone who knows everything shows up, he told me everything exactly as I was, I wanted to defend myself, to ask why he kept quiet but knowing what croix can do to keep that secret forever I couldn't speak, I just listened to him and stayed away, which hurts, I didn't know I was this attached to her until now, I have stopped myself from going to her dorm or classes or work place so many times that I know my world revolved around her.
I thought I could work things out, make Croix pay their debt in secret but jude telling me exactly what happened that day was not part of my plan, I had already exhausted my favour with croix by asking for a scholarship, I can't ask for anymore, I want to hide her from him, to make sure jude never reveal the secret that scares me, I want to justify my actions, I did justify my actions but ever since I saw her, saw those eyes that haunted my dreams, it's like a Lin family trait, innocent eyes that stood out, I saw her and saw him, her tears haunting me, mocking my sad excuse and justification, nothing was worth that tears or a life, my phone beeped and I quickly opened the message, it's from someone I had follow her around.
I inhaled, she was sitting on a bench, head down, earpiece plugged in and staring at a book, it tug at my heart, is she beating herself up because of a sin like me She shouldn't, she could do better, I tossed my phone to the side, running my hand through my hair. I Thinking if I ever benefited from what I did back then.
Officially, the heir to Croix, money, fame, power, every luxury, but I felt really empty. At 12 years, I have done worse than any sinner can imagine. I don't want to think, I don't want to imagine it, I stood up and felt the world tilted, I was dizzy, I had drank a lot and didn't eat, I can't swallow any, I don't deserve food.
My thoughts taunting me.
"You do , "you don't. " it was loud, each one louder than ever.
"You're the heir" "nothing but a killer" I gripped my hair and squat where I was, wanting to silence 1, as always wanting to silence the truth, but it got louder and eventually the only one.
........FLASHBACK.......
I didn't want to head home, I don't want to, dad will be back from his trip, I wished he wouldn't, I wished his car crashes or he got hit by 1 and never make it, my phone ringed and I checked, its kayden, the only person I have to protect.
"Zayden," his little voice filled the speaker, and I stood up, he's crying.
"Kayden?" I called already, walking my way to the car.
"You all don't deserve anything " I heard my dad's voice and then followed by kaydens scream and mom's protest, it felt like the car won't be fast enough as I ran, I had the phone pressed to my ear as I ran, falling along the way but still getting up and running, it's dark out, the house is so big no one will head, I heard kayden cry for me.
Blood, I saw blood first before seeing kayden, mom tending to his injured head, I got angry and went looking for him, my dad, I know I can't stand against him but how he got angry and insulted everything I fight or talk back was soothing, he was in the garage, fuel can in hand, pouring it into the lawnmower, I didn't care and just shoved him hard, it spilled and he turned to me, I expected his rage, the hitting but not his laugh, which makes me see red and picked the gunfighter.
"Zayden, put it down" I heard mom's voice from behind me before she walked around, kayden beside her, looking scared, I don't have to listen to her, I have begged her for years to run away with me, even before she had kayden, but she didn't and stuck to her husband, I light the matches and threw it at him, the fire brought me back to reality, it was fast and quick, screams, I stood frozen, watching in confusion at what happened, the can blew up making me step back.
"You have to leave." I heard someone scream behind me.
"I called 911, come on" I heard again, I didn't know how to move so I stepped towards the fire, they dragged me back, dropping a book in the process that also quickly caught fire.
"No," they hissed and grabbed the book out of the fire, hissing in pain and turning it off.
"Kairo, come on, the cars will soon start blowing up, I've checked and no one is in the house," someone else called, the last thing I remembered was the car blowing up just after the warning.