As I walked out of zayden's dorm, I try to tell myself that I won't ever see him gain, I won't cross his part again but I know well how that was a lie, I find comfort in him and I am too a coward to move away from my comfort zone.
Entering my dorm room, Nova and mira my roommate are on her bed watching something on her laptop, I lowered my gaze and went to my wardrobe, hanging my over sized hoodie, I tossed a sweatpant and an over sized shirt on my shoulder to changed into, I went to the toilet, clean up, change and stepped out, I opened my drawer to find Kairo's journal, it sat there, burnt edges and all, I sigh and grabbed it, going under my blanket to read, I opened it and the first page was my art, was it leave print? I chuckled, I thought that was thrown away a long time ago, and I flipped the next page.
"My name is kairo lin, and I have a cute little sister, Aria" I smiled.
"Record of all good things " I smiled and kept opening.
It talked of school, me, a lot about me actually, reading the journal you'll think our life's were perfect, not a single word about our parents abuse, I shut it, there's so much to read, hugging it I rolled to the side and let myself fall into deep sleep, something I needed right then.
Mira's Alarm went off and I almost fell off the bed at how loud it was, I sigh and sat up, I picked my phone and it's 7:15am, I turned to see her already dressed and ready, she didn't turn the alarm off and if I should talk to her, it'll be a long argument and I don't have the energy for that.
I don't have early morning lecture today but I guess I have to wake up early too, I got dressed, ready to head out but I couldn't find the journal, I was sure I slept with it, I searched my entire bed, lifted the frame but nothing, I automatically knew Nova took it, without much thought, I ran to her dorm, but she's not in, I guess she and my roommate shared the same classes, planning to skip all my classes and look for her on campus, I rushed out of my dorm and saw her standing, zaydens car driving away from her, I frowned, I felt a little hurt but shook it off, I rushed to her.
"Nova, did you take my journal?" I asked without a second thought, and she turned to me with a raised brow.
"Are you serious?" She questioned.
"Please, if you took it, I don't mind, just please return it to me" I said, stretching my hand forward. She smiled, walking closer to me.
"The next time you come say shit to me, I won't hold back" she hissed before bumping into me and walking away, I bit my lip in frustration, my instinct swears she took it.
For 3 days I kept seeing them together, zayden and Nova suddenly seems close, he's picking her up from the dorm every morning and it broke a piece of me, Kairo's journal gone, which I can't let go, so I went to Zayden's apartment, shamelessly going to have him help me plead with nova to give back my brothers journal.
"I asked you…
" Please, can you help me get my journal back from Nova?" I asked, cutting him off, I was begging.
"Are you sure she had it? Did you see her take it?" He asked, and I swallowed.
"You're defending her" I whispered, I guess I was the only one in my feelings, I bit my lips.
"I have to fi you will blindingly accuse her" he spat. I tucked hair away from my face.
"You said not to listen to her" I whispered, trying to figure out when their hate turned around.
"Don't come back here Aria " he said coldly, and I looked up at him, his eyes held no emotion.
"Is this what you aim at? You promised you weren't going to hurt me. Was that all a trap, a sort of bait to get me, and then do this?" I asked.
"I never had you, I didn't tell you I had you or want to get you, don't make up scenarios Aria, we're just like some victim emotional support and I didn't know what I was doing back then" he paused.
"But I am over whatever the hell that was, you should too" he stated coldly before shutting his front door and locking it, I held my chest, to sooth my aching heart but it didn't do any good and I sobbed out before covering my mouth so he doesn't hear how pathetic and sad I was, I ran back to my dorm.
3 days later, I was staring at Kairo's journal on my bed, I rushed to it and flipped through. The last pages were gone, but 2 words replaced it.
"Ask Zayden" I kept staring. Ask zayden seems to not have any meaning to me. Ask him what? Was it kairo who wrote it, or was it the person who took it. It obviously can't be kairo, but I had stared at it for so long that even the words made no sense.
My hand shook, I didn't wait , I ran to his dorm and knocked, he opened the door in annoyance but his face was shocked, I opened the last page and showed it to him, he stared at it, not uttering a word or even giving anything out, his eyes moved to my face.
"You found your brothers journal" he said, and I nodded.
"Why is your name in it?" I asked, and he shrugged like it's some random book.
"Don't do this" my voice broke.
"Whoever took it clearly want to set me up or something " he said casually, and every nerve in my body told me he's lying, my eyes watered up.
"It'll hurt more if you make me hate you for this" I whispered.
"Good for you" he said and I want to curse him, hit him so hard, I shut the journal and went back to my dorm, up the rooftop and stared at the page that held his name, I buried my face in my raised knees and cry, why is he suddenly lying and being a jerk?.
I stopped crying and sat at the edge of the rooftop, I wasn't going to jump, it didn't cross my mind, the book sat next to me as I looked down and blankly stared at the lights below me.
"Aria?" I quickly turned around at Zaydens shaken voice, I stared at him.
"I am sorry" he apologised, and I sighed, looking back down. It felt useless now that he said he's sorry.
"Can you climb down?" He asked, and I find myself chuckling.
"I am not planning to jump down, at least not until I find the missing pages" I mumbled, silence.
"I have them" he said, and I didn't turn to him. He confirmed my fear, and I felt hatred and lacked trust towards him.
"I can't give it to you" he whispered, and I glanced at him.
"I am scared, ok, I can't give it to you because you'll hate me and I can't live with that" he said quickly, and I laughed at the irony.
"How you threw me away days ago didn't make you think I will hate you?" I asked before fully turning to him and jumping down.
"I already hate you Zayden, so fucking much that I am hating myself along" I hissed
"Why are you crying?" he asked, I didn't know how I got to him but I did and slapped him twice.
"This tears are not for you" I snapped.
"Let's keep to your suggestion and…" He silenced me with his lips and I didn't protest, I froze, that's my first kiss and I didn't know how to go about it.