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This time, I won't surrender to death.

Helenwrites
7
chs / week
The average realized release rate over the past 30 days is 7 chs / week.
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Synopsis
Mai is a child who has lived several past lives, some mysterious and others tragic. Now, when her fifth life is on the brink of ending, she regains her old memories. She has partially survived death but is still in danger of losing her life. Now, she is determined to live her life to the fullest, avoiding the mistakes and tragedies of her past.
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Chapter 1 - Chapter 1

Chapter One

–—–

 In the depths of darkness, there was nothing but the infinite void, and an existence lurking in this absolute emptiness.

 shh... shh... 

A drifting consciousness, drowning in the unknown, stretching deep into the endless.

'Where is this place? Have I been here before?'

 It was... I don't know what it was. Just emptiness. A feeling... I don't know how to describe it. 

 ... thump... thump... 

I couldn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything. I existed, but at the same time... I did not.

 'Where am I? Why does everything feel so distant?'

 Where am I? A question that repeats in my mind with no answer. I try to think... try to remember... but the memory is like mist, fading away the moment I grab a thread of it.

 whooosh... 

The more I try to get closer... the more the gaps grow. As if there is a force... something blocking the truth from me.

 'Can anyone help me?'

 The deeper I try to dive into thoughts... it's like they break apart, turning into incomplete sentences. Questions with no answers.

 I try to look around... but... there's nothing. No above, no below. There is nothing... Anything. It feels like I... am not me.

 huh... huh...huhh-huh..huh

As if my body... wait... do I even have a body? I try to feel myself, but there's nothing. No limbs, no sound. I... don't even hear myself!

 Suddenly, in the depth of this silence, a faint glow appeared, a small point of light flickering in the darkness.

 hmmmm... boom... 

This point slowly grew, until it became a strong beam shining in the space. Explosions of energy were born from it, separating and reshaping, as if it was expressing the desire of existence to break free from the shackles of nothingness.

 At first, I didn't understand what was happening to me. Something strange began to unfold inside me, or perhaps I was the one moving.

 zzzzzz... bzzz... 

It wasn't a physical sensation as I had known it before. It was something deeper, as if I was expanding, stretching in every direction with no boundaries. A strange, unfamiliar feeling overwhelmed me. I was shapeless, boundaryless, suddenly I began to feel something like "a body", but it wasn't a body as I knew it.

 'What's happening to me?' the drifting consciousness questioned anxiously.

 The more my limbs, or what seemed like my limbs, extended, the more it felt like it was expanding. At first, it was a mystery swallowing me, then it quickly turned into panic.

 thump-thump-thump 

 Fear crept into my being. The more I tried to control what was happening, the more I felt like I was losing control.

 crack! snap! 

It was as if I was dissolving, falling apart into something invisible. I wanted to scream, but there was no sound, it was void. I wanted to escape, but there was no place.

It felt like the space I found myself in was without echo, without life.

What is happening to me? Am I... fading away? Am I breaking apart?! Urgent questions chased me as I expanded, without stopping, without direction.

 I felt the fear rising. I was detached from everything familiar. It felt like I was stretching and expanding, but I didn't understand how or why.

 hhaaa... 

I wanted to escape this madness, but there was no way out. I felt like I was being torn apart, but without pain. Just a strange sensation of constant expansion with no end.

 With each moment, my fear grew, but I couldn't stop it. However... after a while of persistent terror, a simple awareness started to seep into me.

 splash... shh... 

No pain... just a strange feeling of expansion. I paused for a moment, trying to focus on this sensation. The expansion wasn't painful, just odd. Little by little, I began to accept this new feeling.

 I started to calm down.

 I stopped struggling, letting myself flow with the current. I didn't understand what was happening, but I no longer felt as frightened as before. Instead of fleeing, I began to surrender to this boundless expansion. I started to feel a strange sense of relief in that movement, which was terrifying at first.

 Everything that followed was chaos, a chaos of joy and ecstasy. Swirls of emotions danced within me, separating and merging, playing with my heart, synchronizing with the movements around me. I felt as though I was part of all these motions, as if every bit of energy reflected my passion for existence.

 Then, silence returned, and my conflicting emotions settled.

 thump... thump... thump... thump... 

Listen, focus, and feel the beat around me until my senses fade and I fall back into darkness.

My heart breaks with sorrow as I see the light that flows from within me fade, as if I'm witnessing a part of me separating.

 'Ah... this is strange! Why do I feel this longing? ... I don't know this place.'

 hic... hic... sob... sob... 

 whhh... fffff... 

 The drifting consciousness fades away.