Weeks passed without change. I knew I needed to do something to heal myself. The only thing I could do was to fuse my different personalities into three main parts:
First came Ego—the limit of everything, formed from my old ego and brain.
Then came Heart—the core of my dreams and emotions, formed from my heart, lover, and car guy.
Finally, there was Zak—the face I showed to the world, the one who had to balance them all.
At first, Zak struggled to maintain control, especially faltered in her presence, as Heart desperately tried to reach out and shatter the barrier. Every time cracks formed, Ego reinforced them, making the wall even stronger.
This never-ending war left me drowning in unprocessed emotions, stuck in a loop:
"Yes, I love her. I would do anything for her."
"No, I don't even exist in her mind. Loving someone for showing a little kindness—it's meaningless."
And so, I coped with this melody, unsure if it would ever end.
Day after day, nothing changed. I continued living inside my small, lonely world, consumed by thoughts. Before I knew it, the second semester had arrived.
Oddly enough, despite my indifference, I passed with good marks.
By then, I had grown used to solitude. There was nothing to worry about—no friendships to maintain, no emotions to wrestle with. I let myself be consumed by the emptiness, staring at my broken dreams, knowing they were impossible to achieve.
"There's no point in dreaming anymore."
"What was even the meaning of love in the first place?"
It was a normal evening. As I climbed the stairs, Nikole and her friend stopped me with a question:
"Is it possible to fall in love at first sight?"
"And how long can someone wait for the person they love?"
Their words shocked me. A shiver ran through my body. But I answered simply by:
"Yes, and he will wait until the end of time."
Nikole's reaction was mixed—happiness, worry, excitement. (I still don't understand girls.)
Turning to her friend, I said:
"We need to be ready—something will happen sooner or later."
Her friend agreed, and they continued their way.
I entered class, lost in thought, running through every possible scenario.
"Wait… is it possible?"
"He sits beside her sometimes… I've seen them chatting plenty of times."
"Never mind."
The next day, at the same time, I saw Adam and Nikole leaving the class. A sparkle lit their eyes as they passed, unaware of my presence.
I glanced at Nikole's friend, pointing toward them. She confirmed what I had suspected—something was happening between them.
Suddenly, yellow flooded into my world.
"What is this?"
"I don't feel pain anymore."
"I guess I was right after all."
The next time I saw Adam, I told him,
"Well, you're guilty. You just left the gang. You'll see why."
He was confused. He thought they were just "friends."
Day after day, I felt warmth growing—a gentle heat strong enough to thaw my frozen heart.
So this is what they call true love.
It's simple. Nothing fancy. Just two people who love each other.
I finally understood—it really does exist.
"I need to do everything to protect it."
Love is like fire—gentle enough to warm you, guiding you through the dark and cold night.
But if you try to suppress it, it explodes, consuming you from the inside out.
It makes you feel like you're trapped in a never-ending dream—or plunging into the abyss, with nothing but yourself.
Maybe love is just a matter of luck.
Some are fortunate enough to find their soulmate, experiencing something beyond themselves.
Others are unlucky, lost in a meaningless void.
Or maybe, I am just overthinking it again.
I need something to turn off my brain.