Summer break come again, and with it I went back to my parents house at Bouskoura, and I saw a lot of familiar faces but I hardly remember there names, all the teens usually gathered next to the swimming pool at night, I joined them trying to form some new friends, but I found myself in the conversation fading away, drowning in my thoughts. Trying to find out what the source of the eternal flame is, so I compared between my illusions and reality.
In reality there are only three tubes for the three main colors, blue for sadness, red for love and anger, yellow for happiness and joy, but in the illusions there were four, and the fourth one is for white of hope and black for sorrow.
In the illusion I could consume and harvest the energy from the eternal flame and I hade 356 always next to me opposite of reality. I tried hundreds of times to find her but nothing work, until I started losing hope, "the fire keeper" wearing a long black robe that flows gracefully, covering her entire body, her sleeves are wide and drape past her hands, giving her an elegant yet solemn look. A dark veil hides her eyes, giving her mysterious presence. The outfit feels timeless, she comes calmly, and comforts me and fades to the distance.
Well the only thing similar is the type of my thoughts that influence my eternal flame, but it's not the reason for its creation.
So the only thing left is going back to my childhood, I was a quiet kid with few friends, creating little to none emotional bonds, and that let me have trusted issues and even more isolated from others.
Gathering all of this makes me emotionally immature, and creates a very good environment for a sparkle to reignite the eternal flame, but still that is not enough to find the reason why the heart chose Sofia.
The conclusion is you can't find the reason for someone's love, it's from an upper force and you are powerless against it.
My thoughts were interrupted by some memories of her, the world seems peaceful, I stopped thinking about everything, a small sadness covered the scene, but still it felt comfortable, everything doesn't matter anymore.
So I picked up myself and went back to the house and slept for the night.
Days passed by, my eyes stayed dried, I thought I am okay, until I saw her once again in my dream, the way she walks, the way she smiled, the sense of peace in the air, I saw and felt it,
and a memory of her came vividly to my mind "Why do you worry about the future? Everything is already writing, just forget about the future and live today."
the pain sweep away, and for the first time in days I felt true happiness, the time I sent waiting had a weird sense of sadness full of hope, why I am waiting I simply don't know, it's like drinking coffee, you enjoy it even if it taste bitter, is it just because she showed me a bite of kindness?
My eyes saw her beauty but my heart saw her heavenly soul, and still she is only of hundreds upon hundreds of them, I still can't find the reason of this love.
Fortunately, I believe I am lucky that she didn't love me back, simply because I won't be myself without going through this , it somehow gives me a reason to keep going even if it one in a million chance I will do everything to reach it,
everyone told me to move on, but they can't see her through my heart, even if they putted the moon and sun on my hands I won't give up, my will became unbreakable, and probably strong enough let her go, but chose to keep going,
I still have a great chance to see her again at school next year, so I need a good plan to change my luck. She loves reading books so I will write my own one "the eternal flame" it's going to be the last chance of the heart.
Everyday was the same, nothing changed, my mined was a place were I couldn't escape her presence,
I simply ignored every girl came my way,
I became always daydreaming embracing this love, it still doesn't make any sense, every time I thought I broke the curse, it comes back even stronger, but I got even stronger with it.