When I returned to the city where I study…
everything came back.
The bad. The good.
The guilt.
Running away from myself.
I didn't know how to help myself.
I missed Maša.
I missed Aladin.
I missed my mom.
But they are no longer in my life.
I picked up alcohol.
For a long time, I thought about whether to buy it or not.
In the end, I did.
I got drunk.
That night, it felt good.
I forgot everything.
I listened to music.
I danced.
I laughed.
Until I couldn't anymore.
Then I lay down…
and I was sad again.
Alone.
Lonely.
But I fell asleep.
I rested for a bit.
Then I woke up.
My head was pounding.
Everything felt disgusting.
But even that passed.
When night fell again…
I started thinking.
Am I an alcoholic now?
Am I becoming like my father?
Will I become aggressive?
Will I hurt the people I love?
I'm scared.
I'm scared…
of myself.
I'm becoming what I hated the most.
My worst nightmare.
Why?
Why am I doing this?
I'm tired.
I fall to the floor.
In an apartment my parents pay for.
Everything is spinning.
Everything that hurts me…
has caught up with me.
Images flash in front of me.
People who used me.
I see my father…
drunk, attacking us as a family.
I hear crying.
I see us falling apart.
And I realize…
I'm becoming the same thing.
I can't pull myself together.
That shipwreck…
I will never forget it.
I broke…
into a hundred pieces.
I was running from everyone…
but the whole time, I was running from myself —
and from my childhood.
----If you made it this far…
maybe stay.
Add the story — it means more to me than you think.---