The terrible, early-2000s CGI was tearing the mall apart. The physics engine was completely broken. Goku, still wrapped in Gilgamesh's golden chains, was currently clipping through the floorboards, his low-polygon hair vibrating violently.
"My... words... are... not... matching... my... mouth!" Goku declared, though his mouth had stopped moving three seconds prior.
Deadpool was trying to walk, but he was stuck in a T-pose, gliding across the food court like a very menacing chess piece. "This is a nightmare! I look like a background NPC from a PlayStation 1 game! My polygons are chafing!"
Even Gilgamesh, the King of Heroes, was suffering. His glorious golden armor looked like it had been rendered on a toaster. "What is this peasant sorcery?! I demand anti-aliasing! I demand high-resolution textures!"
The Lag is Real
Saitama stood completely still. It wasn't because he was trapped; it was because the lag was so bad it took him ten seconds just to blink. He looked at the discount spatula in his hand. The spatula was currently merged with his index finger due to a rendering glitch.
"This," Saitama said, his voice entirely devoid of emotion, "is really annoying. I just want to go home and cook my cabbage."
Saitama pulled his fist back. The animation stuttered. The frame rate plummeted to 2 FPS. It looked like a slideshow of a bald man getting mildly irritated.
"Wait, Cueball!" Deadpool yelled, still gliding in a T-pose. "Don't punch the code! You'll corrupt the save file!"
"Serious Series..." Saitama muttered.
Loading... Loading... Loading...
"...Serious Frame-Rate Optimization."
Saitama threw the punch. He didn't hit Gilgamesh. He didn't hit Goku. He punched the empty, pixelated air.
The Ghibli Glitch
KRRRSSSHHH.
The sound of shattering glass echoed through the void. The terrible CGI broke apart like a broken television screen. A blinding, warm light swallowed the entire mall.
When everyone opened their eyes, the harsh neon lights of the Nexus Mall were gone. The floor tiles had been replaced by soft, lush moss. Giant, ancient trees grew right out of the Auntie Anne's Pretzels stand. A gentle, sweeping orchestral piano melody was playing from out of nowhere.
"Whoa," Deadpool whispered.
He looked at his hands. They were beautifully hand-drawn, colored with soft, soothing watercolor paints. The harsh black lines of his suit were now gentle, aesthetic strokes. He was wearing a small straw hat.
"We're... we're in a Studio Ghibli movie!" Deadpool gasped, spinning around in a field of blooming wildflowers that used to be a Hot Topic. "Look at the lighting! Look at the emotional resonance of the scenery! I feel so... non-threatening and wholesome!"
The Softest Sorcerers and Saiyans
The transition had affected everyone.
Goku was no longer a glowing god of destruction; he was sitting by a crystal-clear stream, peacefully eating a giant, perfectly drawn onigiri while a tiny woodland spirit sat on his shoulder.
Denji (Chainsaw Man) was petting a beautifully rendered deer, completely forgetting about his violent tendencies.
Zoro (One Piece) had found a patch of sunlight under a massive, ancient mushroom and was fast asleep, looking incredibly serene.
"This is unacceptable!"
Gilgamesh stood in the center of a babbling brook. Even his anger was softened by the art style. He looked like a tragic, misunderstood prince from a fairytale rather than a genocidal tyrant.
"I am the King of Heroes! I do not frolic! I do not appreciate this... this pastoral ambiance! Where is the gold?! Where is the bloodshed?!"
The Bizarre Intruder
Suddenly, heavy, dramatic footsteps crushed the delicate wildflowers.
"Yare yare daze."
Jotaro Kujo (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure) stepped into the clearing. He was trying his hardest to do a dramatic, spine-bending JoJo pose, but the soft watercolor art style made him look like he was just stretching before a very relaxing yoga class. His menacing aura was replaced by little floating cherry blossoms.
"What is this place?" Jotaro grunted, pulling his cap down. "My Stand, Star Platinum, refuses to come out. It says the vibes here are 'too immaculate'."
"Hey, big guy!" Deadpool skipped over, holding a beautifully drawn dandelion. "Welcome to the aesthetic zone! Grab a leaf, take a nap, let the piano music heal your childhood trauma!"
"I don't have childhood trauma," Jotaro glared. "I just have a very loud ghost that punches things."
The Unseen Threat
While Deadpool was trying to put a flower crown on Jotaro, Saitama was inspecting a giant, fluffy creature sleeping next to an escalator that was now a waterfall. It was Totoro.
Saitama poked the giant spirit. "Excuse me. Are you a monster? Because if you are, I have to punch you. But you look very soft."
Before Totoro could wake up, the gentle piano music suddenly hit a minor chord. The soft wind turned freezing cold.
A figure emerged from the shadows of the ancient trees. It was Makima (Chainsaw Man), wearing a crisp, beautifully painted suit. She smiled, and despite the gentle art style, it was the most terrifying thing in the mall.
"What a lovely, peaceful world," Makima said softly, her swirling eyes locking onto the group. "A world with no violence, no loud noises, no resistance. It will be so much easier to put leashes on all of you here."