"Annnnd..CUT!" The director Ethan shouts, his voice echoing through the tiny room which was set up like one of those fancy restaurants you see in movies where the rich guy takes his hard working ever so poor girlfriend to dine to celebrate their anniversary or something of the sort.
"Its a wrap people..we are done!" He continues to yell while slowly clapping his hands together as if his voice alone wasn't enough to shake the walls of the made up room the crew was set in.
"Thank you everyone for your hard work, I will let the staff and set down team do their thing and later I will send you all a message on the group chat to let you know the time of when and where we will meet for our farewell celebration.Treats on me!." Ethan announces to the zombified crowd that suddenly busts into loud cheers after hearing the always ever so magical words "Free Food". I take a quick glance across the room towards Jackson who just like all the time is keeping that stoic face of his.I guess the merry mood is also afraid of approaching him.
Is it weird that one of my deepest secrets is that I want to see him genuinely laugh or smile?.
Wait-No!- I don't! I -
Do I? …
I understand that it was not our lives that we were living for the past year, but unfortunately for my stupid heart, it already altered my brain that the life I have been living for the past year was mine and right now instead of feeling like closing a work chapter, my heart feels like I'm losing everything I have ever held dear. It feels like this is the end of his and my story.
It feels like I'm loosing him and not just his character.
"Thank you for your hard work ." Jackson says as he approaches where I was standing next to the snack bar pulling me from my intrusive thoughts . I nearly drop my apple slices from the shock but pull myself together anyway because well…what else?, Initially after getting over my shock I stare at the boy with questioning eyes , I am slightly surprised that he is standing in front of me. He normally leaves as soon as we are allowed to but then again, today is really not like all the other days.
"Yes- You did good too, really good... for a young man you really had me on my toes. I could not have asked for anyone better. Thank you for your hard work, it made mine easier ". I respond with what I believe must be a full business yet somewhat slightly genuine smile, although judging by his reaction I might have hit him with one of those dentist smiles where people eerily show all their teeth as if they are about to get an examination.
I'm probably the worst actor of the century.
Jackson reaches out his right hand for me and I meet him halfway with mine and gives it a quick shake before letting go , this is our normal custom.
Business handshakes.
Unlike other artists who are close in age we try to keep it professional behind the lense incase a photo of us hugging or seemingly close is released and suddenly I am a pedophile. Yes... Jackson is over 18 and will be twenty soon but that for me doesn't change the fact that he is indeed young and as a part time professional lawyer, I know better than to mess with the law. I wouldn't want to sit in the same jail cell I send my client's enemies to. It really would not be fun to room with Javi and his goons.
"My brother is coming to pick me up today and he should be here soon so I gotta run...." He says before hurriedly disappearing through the corridor and just like always I am left alone.
Unlike all the other days today I cannot hope to see him again tomorrow for work .Unless our short series gets any big attention we will not have any more chances to meet, for a young man who goes to university and had our work to tackle, he is always busy . I wish I was like him though . I wish I had a thousand things to fill up my my brain so I can easily separate reality from fantasy... but how do I let go of a year worth of feelings after someone yells cut or in just one night?
You can't.
After bidding my farewells to the director and thanking everyone for a good job I take my little black bag and go outside to my awaiting chariot. She patiently waits for me sitting in the back parking lot of our little infamous studio. I get in settle myself and start the engine, after taking a few breaths to calm my aching heart, a chant I have been repeating since a few weeks ago like a buddhist learnt mantra flows out of my mouth... "It was not us" I say it again a few more times before finally driving off.
An hour after my long depressing ride I arrive at my sanctuary.. .I don't live with anyone. I am apparently a grown man after al-
"Surprise!"
"...''
"Lizzy, what are you doing here?!"
Correction! ..I do live alone but I do have two meddling sisters who for some reason seem to be allergic to their own homes. I don't remember calling for an SOS.
"I come baring gifts!" The spawn of the devil says while wiggling her hands mid air as if she was a circus instructor about to introduce their next big act.If only she knew the only act I would love to see at this moment would be her disappearing . Just when I thought I had one gremlin to deal with, our older sister Nelly pops her head from behind the open kitchen counter with a tray full of snacks and wine and though I feel like throwing the both of them out, I certainly wouldn't mind a glass of wine and distractions on such a day.
"We thought you would need it today." Nelly says as she settles herself on my cream white leather couch...popping a chip into her mouth as she lets herself settle into the comfortable chair with a swamp green sofa throw.I stay standing at the door slowly letting my brain accept the situation before my eyes... unfortunately unlike my on screen character I'm not soo chippy or bubbly and hardly know how to place myself even in family settings. Everything is always just awkward. Finally after deciding that I do not want to be alone today I just nod to my sisters and join them on my one other single couch.
"Which movie are we watching today? I hope it has nothing to do with cute university boys or men" I say while deeply focusing on my what to watch list which causes my sisters to burst out laughing. We spend the rest of the night like that, talking about nothing while the movie plays. I am not listening most of time though , I am zoned out into my world of yesterday. The only words heavily beating against my heart being a hope that tomorrow I wake up with a different heart. A heart that has always been mine. A heart that isn't in love with a boy it met from a world of Was. A heart that isn't ..
Another man's.