I can't organize my thoughts. They're always like scattered clouds in the sky. But with you, it's different. I've made a folder in my brain just for you. Everything's sorted there — file after file: what you like, what you don't like, awkward eye contact, memories with you, the way you brush your hair back with your hand. We're so far apart that I treasure every little moment with you. I even remember the date your mother passed away. It's the same month as my birthday.
I was thinking about all this while I was ironing my clothes.
I was ironing my clothes. I have a bad habit — procrastinating. I always leave things until the last minute and drag them out so I can put off everything else. Anyway, I didn't finish ironing until almost the afternoon. It took about 3 hours, though I'm not sure why 10 dresses and 4 pairs of pants needed that long. I borrowed the iron from my senior next door — she's really kind. Then I packed my luggage, though I couldn't finish, since the tour doesn't start until tomorrow afternoon. So until then I still need things like my brush, comb, face cleanser, moisturizer, and so on. I need to get to sleep quickly tonight, because I have to get up early. But you know how I am — I still had to work on my CV for a job application. It took two hours to tailor it. By the time I finished, it was already 1 a.m. I'd planned to do it the next morning, but decided to do it at night instead, in case I overslept and ran out of time. K asked, "What are you doing? Still awake?" I said, "Not much. Going to sleep right now."
I set my alarm for early morning. But I couldn't fall asleep. I called K. "Hey, are you still up?"
K said, "No" — she was just scrolling on her phone. I said, "Huh. I'm not even on mine, so why can't I sleep?" I sighed, then added, "You'll see, we won't be able to get up early tomorrow. I want to have everything wrapped up early. Everyone's meeting at 3 p.m., right?"
K said, "Yeah." I said, "Okay. Everyone meets at 3, then they'll cut the cake and take photos. The bus leaves at 5, so I'll probably show up around 4:30. I'm not really into the photos anyway."
K suddenly went, "Whoa, wait!" I said, "What?"
She said, "Seth just texted."
I said, "Seriously? This late? What'd he say?"
K said, "He's saying people are getting split into groups, since the 'moon truck' can't fit everyone. Nefar and Siona will be in the other group, so you and Nin can come with us."
I said, "Wow, they're already sorting out groups — and the tour hasn't even started!"
But inside, I was disappointed. I'm close with Nin and K, so if the two of them get pulled into that group and not me, I'll be stuck alone in the other one. Not that it matters — I know I'll end up alone regardless, since I'm not as close to them as they are to each other. But even so, I wanted to stay with those two. So after a beat, I added, "If you guys go with them, what am I supposed to do?"
K said, "Okay, hold on, let me call Nin."
But it was already late, and Nin wasn't picking up — she probably crashed early, she always does. K said, "Okay, let's ask Seth if they can take three of us instead. If he says yes, we'll go with them."
I said, "Talk to Nin first." Honestly, I just couldn't stand the idea of them leaving me out like that.
K said, "Okay, I've got to run to A block," and left. I could hear her faintly from my room, shouting, "Nin, open up!"
Wasn't that a little loud? Nin's room is nowhere near mine — maybe it just carried because it's so quiet at night.
I waited for her to come back. Half an hour or so later, she did. I asked, "So, what'd you two decide? What did you tell Seth?"
K said, "Nin doesn't want to be lumped in with their group — you know how Seth teases her about Nefar. So we told him nothing's set yet, we'll see how it goes."
I asked, "What did he say back?"
K said, "That we'll figure it out tomorrow, on the bus."
She paused, then added, "I'll push for them to take three of us when we talk it out on the bus. There are 8 girls total, and I'm guessing they only want 4. Nefar and Siona are already on their team, so that's probably why they're only offering to take two more."
Still, I couldn't get over the fact that they were trying to cut me out of Nin and K's group like that. I mean, I wouldn't mind the other group either — there's Siera too, though she'll be stuck with Rulph. Does Nefar even know I don't like her? Have I made it that obvious? I've brushed her off sometimes, sure, but never outright. Or maybe they just figured more girls meant more hassle, and since K and Nin are best friends, it made sense to keep just the two of them together. Even so, it'd still sting if they went off without me. But I've been waiting for this tour, so whatever happens, I'm going to squeeze every bit of fun out of it. It's the tour we've been waiting four years for. I'm not letting anyone ruin that for me — I'll enjoy it no matter what. Though honestly, I'm already bracing myself, since they started forming groups before the tour even kicked off — there's a good chance someone like me, who doesn't really belong to either side, ends up falling through the cracks. Still, I'll make the most of it. Since when was I scared of being alone? I've always been fine with it.
I don't know when I drifted off, still tangled up in my thoughts. But I woke up way too late the next day.
I shouted, "It's already 11 a.m.?! I knew I'd sleep in, but not this bad — I only have 4 hours left!"
I pushed the comforter aside as I got up, still thinking as I sat on the bed.