I hate You.....". Her beautiful yet long brunette hair splashed on my thighs, she's always had a nag for having perfect hair, a perfectionist to say the least, even her shampoos were always on point, she wasn't cheap about anything which concerned her appearance. But tonight, she couldn't care less about how terrible she would appear the next day, she was in her own dream world, a world which is meant to help you forget about the horrible things of reality, but for her, even her dream world had took Uncle away from here. As sorry as I was, I couldn't say a word, she needed sleep after all, she'd been through enough already in one day.
16/04/20
*Chris life will always be unfair to you, no one will ever be truly there for you until the end, yes companionship seems neccessary as well as being there for people, but that won't help at the end. Things won't get better just because you have someone to share your pain with.
Everything that you do son, and I mean everything which you do reciprocates on you at the end, no matter how long it takes, but it will bite you. And I know things won't make sense for you at first, but I know your capable to anything in or even out of this world, it's who you are son.
Son I'm not always going to be there for you, as much as we both wish I could be with you till the end of time, I won't, and yes, I might be gone sooner than you think. But that doesn't mean that you will suddenly stop living. I mean living Chris, not breathing, god knows you haven't figured out the difference between the two.
Remember that grief is not the obstacle here, grief..., grief is the friend, grief is your one biggest confidant at the end. *
Those words never really made sense to me, I have always loved understanding riddles, but uncle was never a man who would mince his words. And yes, it killed to imagine what he had on his mind whilst writing all these vague sayings.
But then being honest, he wasn't a man to take his own life either, ....
All I could recall from that night was the cold I felt for about 5 hours before going into deep sleep. I knew this because it was the first time seeing my father, I had lost dad 5 years ago, I never really had a real image of the kind of person he was, his preferences, his character and of course his attributes, yet I was able to recognize him that night. I had a real conversation with the same man I had regarded a stranger for years, he was more understanding than I had once thought. I felt his grip for the first time, as tall as he was, he was warmer than mother at times, it felt like heaven had opened for a few hours so I could spend quality time with my long-gone father, a time which I had longed for years and was always denied.