I was baffled at mom's reaction towards my disobedience, as she walked away making her way back to the kitchen, I took a moment and deeply looked at her thinking about how loving mother can be at times, yet she could also be the worst person to know most of the time, that was one moment that I felt a little smile creeping its way on my lips. I was happy to know that mother actually acknowledged Uncle's death even though she didn't exactly respect it, but she was able to acknowledge my feelings towards the death and my grief as well.
And even though I knew she wouldn't let another disobedience of mine go unpunished, it was refreshing to see in that state.
Every person in that house had something to keep themselves occupied with, except for me. I couldn't help but feel out of place, yet all I could think off was how much pain everybody was going through, even mother had lost a huge part of her household today, even though she would agree to it, I knew she was hurting inside, and financially speaking she was going to be in a huge predicament. She had to make the down payment for the new property which uncle had recently been interested in for mother to be able to open a shop in. If you gave yourself enough time to observe mother, you would see the little flics tears in her eyes, yes, she had lied telling me that it was she was chopping onions, but mother had never in my whole existence been left in tears just cause of onions, so why would that suddenly be the case today.
As I took to uncles' room, every step reminded me of him, every stain on the wall made me reminisce about all the moments I had spent with him, and every tear I shed seemed meaningless, every effort I put in place was nothing but a waste of time, I could tell that my life would never have the kind of I had experienced with uncle. Somehow my eyes knew the type of grief my heart felt, somehow pretence seemed hard for me. When I got to his room's doorstep, I could hear my uncles wife crying her eyes out, she was almost out of tears, her voice had gotten completely spoilt from all of the squalling she did.
When I opened the door, her head was on the bed, facing down, she had let go of her body, seemed more like she wanted to follow uncle to his death, she never even bothered to see who had come to the door, rather she wept with more passion, she was never the kind of person who would break down very easily, even when she had lost her baby girl, she never broke down. Seeing aunty like that broke me down even more, I never knew that such a side of her exists, and personally I had hope that it didn't exists.
As I took steps closer to her, she quickly got up from the bed and gave a Hug, as I hugged her as long and as tightly as I could, I could feel the river of tears falling down my shoulder, after a whole 2 hours of crying, she looked at me and she said, " everything will be ok, your uncle would be proud of your bravery my son". As content as I was, I couldn't stop the tears from coming out, I held her even more tightly then she had held me a moment ago. It was the first time I had wept to my hearts content, she made crying feel right, it was like she was letting me face my grief, for a second I felt as though everything would get better after a while.
But still nothing changed, I knew my uncle would never come back again. I knew my heart wouldn't get healed so easily, even still I had a feeling this loss would change me forever.
Hours prior to this, I felt that Uncle would wake up, I had the thought he was playing a prank on me, the fact that he was just joking. Just like last summer, nothing ever made me more sad than that moment, he made me believe that he was suffering from a heart attack. As I watched him choking while on the floor, my eyes swealed up as I watched the pain which was portrayed right in front of me. As his life flashed before my eyes, I felt like life was being sad he'd away from me, I could feel my lifespan coming to an end. When he finally got up from the floor, he looked at me. The pain in his eyes broke me even further. He looked at me and said, " I'm sorry my boy, I'll never leave you, I promise". A huge hug came after, that was the only time I ever thought I would experience pain in my entire life.
But still, still it happened. He left me, as selfish as it was for me to think of this, it was true. He did leave me, he did break his promise, and I would never forgive him for that. I would take that pain with me to the grave. He was selfish to leave me all alone in this world, even more selfish to his wife, she had lost the love of her life. The audacity he had to be able to take away a life which he was never given a right too, it was the life which god favored him with, not a life he could destroy at his own will. It was both disgusting and unfair to me. But still, he did perform the monstrosity.
As uncle's wife laid her head on my lap, my pants were flooded with tears, we stayed in silence as she wept so much that we lost track of time. She dwelled in her tears so much that she went straight to sleep. I think it was the first time I've ever heard her snore, it was a loud sensation, horrifying feeling for me to experience. After an hour or so, as I tried to keep her in bed she started talking, she spoke as if she was in her own senses. Everything she said that night made perfect sense. She said, " I thought we were supposed to be together forever, why did u betray me after so much we've been through, what am I supposed to do without you now, how do u expect me to live knowing very well that I've lost you forever.