She left the room swiftly a few seconds after that I didn't even notice her leaving. I got dressed quickly and hurried downstairs, when I got there everyone was gathered in the living room, even aunt was present, she was doing a little better from the state I had last seen her. On the other hand mother was doing terribly than usual, well for starters her hair was all over the place, she was still wearing her night dress, and of course her eyes were swollen as if she had been in tears for hours. Her form of speech was also unclear really, she had a very squeaky voice.
All mother said was, "morning sweetie, can you have a seat with everyone, I want to discuss something with all of you guys together". And with discomfort I settled down in a seat next to Beatrice.
Right before mother could utter any word, her phone started to ring, with her peculiar taste in music made bare for all of us to see, she had the audacity to play Ariana Grande's ' Break up with your boyfriend', the woman is thirty five years of age for god sakes.
After exactly five minutes, mother put her phone away and looked straight at us as we were still waiting to be addressed by her. She said, " Paul was sick guys, he didn't want to feel any more pain in his life, he said every time he looked at himself he could only see endless pain, he felt that his life wasn't worth so much misery, he said it was time he ended the endless cycle of pain he felt. He said that death would give him the piece he couldn't receive in life. He said death would finally give him the happiness he had been deprived of for years". After saying that mother broke down in tears, it was as if she herself couldn't believe what her own lips had uttered about her own late brother.
She sat down on the ground in such haste that we heard a sudden 'thump' as she filled the ground with her tears, her gown removed itself from her body, as if her whole soul had been ripped away from her. As she sat there in tears she kept mumbling the words, " I'm sorry Paul, I know I should have seen your pain. I knew something was hurting you, I'm sorry I didn't notice it earlier". She cried so much that she deprived me of the chance to actually feel bad about uncle not ever being happy in life, about the fact that all he saw in life was misery, that my existence never meant as much to him than I had recently thought it did. Mother cried so much that I thought she would pass out at any moment after.
And she did, she had a moment where by she lost her breath and fell unconscious right there in front of my eyes. We rushed her to her room and Beatrice sprinkled a little water on her face. She regained consciousness.
18/04/20
No piece surpasses one which is endless
Life is an illusion
One made by mankind,
Nothing ever as it seems.
No life should be this driftless
Life seen in the eyes of the blind
Pain could never be the past,
Pain makes it all while.
The uncertainty of life is bare in our whole existence
Nothing makes sense.
Living is divine, life isn't.
Death is piece.
*nothing feels better than not feeling at all*