City Z - King's Apartment
Time: 2:00 PM (Saturday)
The air in the room was heavy. Stifling. Loaded with killing intent.
"Left," Saitama said, eyes narrowed. "No, right. Combo it."
King—Rank 7, S-Class Hero, The Strongest Man on Earth—sweated bullets. His controller creaked under his grip. His heart, the legendary King Engine, was thumping so loud it rattled the empty soda cans on the floor.
Thump-thump-thump-thump.
"I can't!" King whispered. "This boss... the 'Abyssal Turnip'... its movement patterns are RNG based!"
"Just hit it!" Saitama leaned forward, dropping chip crumbs on King's carpet. "Use the Super Move!"
On the TV screen, a pixelated knight was fighting a pixelated vegetable.
GAME OVER.
"NOOOO!" Saitama grabbed his head. "We were so close! My high score!"
King exhaled, sinking into his couch. He survived another level. "Saitama-shi... you really suck at video games."
"It's the controller," Saitama lied. "The buttons are sticky."
In the corner of the room, Genos was sitting cross-legged, connected to the wall outlet and... a toaster? No, it was a piece of debris from the Spade Kingdom castle. A weird, glowing obsidian prism.
"Genos," Saitama pointed at the cyborg. "Stop hogging the bandwidth. The game is lagging."
"Master," Genos turned, eyes spinning with magical runes. "I am not using WiFi. I am attempting to decipher the residual 'Devil Protocol' trapped in this Spade Artifact. It operates on a magical frequency similar to radio waves. If I calibrate my internal receiver..."
Genos's eyes flashed blue. The obsidian prism glowed.
"Magic-Tech Art: Long Distance Signal Boost."
ZIZZZT.
Static exploded across King's giant flat-screen TV.
"Hey!" Saitama yelled. "The cutscene!"
"Apologies, Master! Signal interference! Cross-dimensional frequencies are merging!"
The TV didn't turn off.
Instead, the pixelated game vanished.
A clear, high-definition image appeared. It showed a room full of gold. Gold curtains. Gold chairs. And a man with a weird beard and way too many jewels.
Clover Kingdom - Royal Palace
King's Private Chambers
King Augustus Kira Clover XIII was bored.
He was staring into his favorite object: The Mirror of Vanity (a magic item that usually just showed him his own reflection with a sparkle filter).
"Mirror, Mirror," Augustus preened, adjusting his robe. "Who is the most luminous light in the kingdom?"
Usually, the mirror said nothing.
But today, because Genos was messily hacking the ley-lines from a universe away, the mirror rippled.
Static hissed. Then, it cleared.
Augustus saw... a grim, scarred face staring back. Three jagged claw marks over the left eye. A stern jawline. A gaze that pierced the soul.
And behind this terrifying man... a bald guy eating chips.
"EEEK!" Augustus jumped back, tripping over his robe. "Intruders?! In my mirror?! GUARDS!"
He scrambled up. But he realized something. The face in the mirror wasn't moving to attack. It was just... staring. Intensely.
King (OPM) froze. He saw the weird bearded man on his TV. He assumed it was a hidden cutscene. Or a hacker. Or a monster.
King did what King does best.
He sat perfectly still and panicked internally.
DOOM. DOOM. DOOM.
The King Engine roared. The sound was picked up by the inter-dimensional feed.
It echoed in Augustus's room. A rhythmic, heavy pounding like a war drum.
"What..." Augustus trembled. "What is that sound? Is it... the heartbeat of a demon?"
King (OPM) leaned closer to the TV (trying to find the remote).
"Who are you?" King asked, his voice deep and rumbly because he was terrified of confrontation.
Augustus gasped. The sheer pressure! This man... he wasn't just a commoner. That jawline! That intimidation aura!
"I... I am Augustus Kira Clover XIII!" The Clover King shouted, trying to muster dignity. "Ruler of the Clover Kingdom! Possessor of Light Magic! And who are you to invade my scrying frequency?!"
King blinked. Clover Kingdom? Light Magic? Is this an RPG roleplayer?
"I am King," the hero said simply.
"King?" Augustus narrowed his eyes. "King of where? What lands? Do you possess mana?"
"I am the King... of Earth," King mumbled (reciting his S-Class title inadvertently). "The Strongest Man."
Augustus paled. The Strongest Man on Earth? Was this another anomaly like the Bald One? No... this one looked noble. He looked fearsome.
"Hmph!" Augustus floated up, glowing with Light Magic. He couldn't let himself be outshined by a foreigner in a TV. "You call yourself strong? Do you know who I am? I command the Light! I possess the Royal Bloodline!"
"Okay," King said. He just wanted to play Doki Doki Sisters. "That's nice."
The dismissal! The sheer indifference! It drove Augustus mad.
"INSOLENCE!" Augustus roared. "Witness my majesty! Light Magic: Pillar of Absolute royalty!"
Augustus fired a beam of light at the mirror.
In City Z, the TV screen flashed bright white.
"Ah! My eyes!" King flinched, shielding his face. But to Augustus, it looked like King simply raised a hand to block the attack casually.
Genos analyzed the energy spike. "Master! Energy surge detected on the other side! Deploying Anti-Glare Filter!"
The TV dimmed. King lowered his hand. He was unharmed.
Augustus's jaw hit the floor.
"He... he blocked my Royal Light?! With a gesture?!"
Then, the sound came back.
DOOM. DOOM. DOOM.
The King Engine was louder now.
"He is angry," Augustus whispered to his empty room. "His killing intent is manifesting as sound waves! He is gathering energy to obliterate my palace!"
The Bald Factor
Augustus was ready to faint. He was facing a King who shrugged off Light Magic.
Then, he saw movement in the background of the screen.
A figure in a yellow suit (with a blue cape) walked past "King Earth" and grabbed a soda can.
Augustus froze.
He recognized that head.
The shininess. The dumb oval eyes.
"HIM!" Augustus pointed a shaking finger at the screen. "THE BALD PEASANT! THE SHUSHER!"
King (OPM) looked behind him. "Saitama-shi?"
"Is that guy on TV talking about me?" Saitama walked up to the screen, crunching a potato chip.
He peered into the camera.
In the Clover Kingdom, Saitama's face filled the magic mirror.
"Hey," Saitama said, spewing crumbs. "You're that sparkly nose-guy. The one I flicked."
Augustus shrieked. A high-pitched sound only dogs could hear. He hid behind his throne.
"HE'S THERE! HE'S WITH THE EARTH KING!" Augustus cried. "Are you allies?! Are you conspiring to flick my nose again?!"
King (OPM) looked at Saitama. "Do you know this weirdo?"
"Yeah," Saitama scratched his stomach. "I met him on vacation. He's kind of a jerk. Very loud. Claims he's a king but doesn't do anything."
Augustus stopped shivering. He popped his head up.
"I... I do not 'do nothing'!" Augustus defended weaky. "I rule! I inspire! I provide... visual majesty!"
King (OPM) felt a strange resonance.
A King who does nothing but claim credit? King thought. A King who hides behind others?
King looked at Augustus.
"Tell me," King asked gravely. "Do people expect you to fight monsters? Even though you just want to go home?"
Augustus blinked. "Yes! It is burdensome! The peasantry expects miracles! But I am a King! I shouldn't have to dirty my hands with mana! That's what the Magic Knights are for!"
King nodded solemnly.
"I understand," King said. "Heavy is the head that wears the crown."
Augustus's eyes widened. "Yes... Yes! You understand! The pressure! The need to look cool while terrified inside—I mean, while strategically waiting!"
King nodded again. "Exactly. It is all strategy. We stand back so others may shine."
Augustus floated closer to the mirror. "My friend! My brother across dimensions! Finally, an equal! A true ruler!"
Saitama looked back and forth between them.
"This is weird," Saitama said. "They're bonding over being useless."
The Technical Difficulty
Genos suddenly sparked. Smoke poured from his ears.
"Warning! Spade Kingdom Prism is overheating! Connection unstable!"
On the TV screen, Augustus started to glitch.
"Wait!" Augustus yelled. "Earth King! What is your secret? How do you control the Bald Monster? The one who breaks logic?!"
King looked at Saitama, who was now trying to balance a spoon on his nose.
"Him?" King shrugged. "I just buy him food. And video games."
"Food..." Augustus wrote this down furiously on a napkin. "Food... games... Bribery! Of course! Why didn't I think of that?!"
"Also," King added sagely, "Never challenge him to a fight. He gets cranky if he misses a sale."
ZIZZZT.
"Signal Lost," Genos announced.
The TV screen went black. Then, the "Game Over" screen returned.
King sighed, collapsing back onto the floor. The King Engine slowed down.
"That was stressful," King whispered. "Who was that guy?"
"Just some noisy neighbor from the other universe," Saitama said, picking up the controller. "Ready? Level 4. Let's beat the turnip."
Clover Kingdom - Aftermath
King Augustus Kira Clover XIII walked out of his room. He walked differently. He had a swagger. A newfound confidence.
He marched into the dining hall where Damnatio and Julius (Teen) were eating lunch.
"Attend me!" Augustus declared.
"What is it now?" Damnatio sighed.
"We need a new policy regarding the Bald Hero, Saitama!" Augustus proclaimed. "I have consulted with fellow royalty from the Dimension of Earth."
"You... did what?" Julius asked, juice box halfway to his mouth.
"The strategy is... SNACKS!" Augustus slammed the table. "If he ever returns, we shall not fight him! We shall not flick him! We shall bury him in premium beef and video entertainment devices!"
Julius smiled. A knowing, cheeky smile.
"That... is actually a brilliant plan, your majesty."
Augustus flipped his hair (Light Magic making it sparkle).
"Of course it is. It takes a King to know a King."
Deep in the Heart Kingdom, Noelle felt a chill. She didn't know why, but she suddenly felt the urge to buy a new cape. Just in case.