City Z - Ghost Town
Saitama's Apartment
Time: 3 Days After Return
"Genos."
"Yes, Master?"
"The cutting board is broken again."
Saitama stood in his kitchen. In front of him lay a daikon radish, sliced perfectly in half.
Beneath the radish, the wooden cutting board was split.
Beneath the board, the kitchen table was split.
Beneath the table, the linoleum floor had a hairline fracture running down to the foundation.
In Saitama's hand was Yami's Katana.
The rusty black blade hummed ominously. Purple tendrils of Dark Magic (Ki residue) wafted off it, smelling of stale tobacco and death.
"Analysis," Genos droned from the living room where he was soldering a toaster with a magical laser. "The blade retains the spiritual imprint of 'Captain Yami'. It instinctively attempts to perform a Dimension Slash whenever you apply force. Even on vegetables."
Saitama sighed. He looked at the heavy, ominous sword.
"It's a picky weapon," Saitama complained, sheathing it. "I just wanted salad. Now I need a new table."
"I shall procure one," Genos stood up.
He wasn't wearing his shirt. His torso was exposed, revealing the glowing blue Heart Kingdom Runes etched into his chrome plating. They pulsed with natural mana (which he was now synthesizing from City Z's background radiation).
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Saitama! Open up! We know you're in there!"
It was a bossy female voice.
Saitama groaned. "Hide the gold coins, Genos. It's the blizzard lady."
The Unwanted Guest
Fubuki (Hellish Blizzard) stormed in, followed by two lackeys.
She stopped.
She stared at Saitama.
He was wearing a... blue blanket? Tied around his neck like a cape?
And he had a rusted katana stuck in his belt loop.
And Genos looked like a glowing neon billboard.
"You..." Fubuki narrowed her eyes. "You disappeared for a year! The Hero Association has been panicking! Where were you?! And what is that fashion choice?"
"It was three weeks," Saitama corrected. "Time dilation. Dimensional relativity. Or something. Julius explained it, but I wasn't listening."
"Who is Julius?!" Fubuki slammed her hand on the broken table. "Did you join a rival group?! Is this 'Blue Cape' a gang sign?! I told you, you're supposed to join the Fubuki Group!"
"I went on a trip," Saitama grabbed a cup of tea (the cup cracked slightly due to his grip readjustment). "We went to a place with lots of yelling people. And dragons. Got some souvenirs."
Fubuki looked at the katana. She felt... something. Not psychic power. Something heavier. Like the air around the sword was terrified.
"That sword..." Fubuki stepped back instinctively. "It's... cursed."
"It's Yami's," Saitama said. "He's a chain smoker. The smell won't come out."
Genos stepped forward, his eyes spinning with runic circles.
"Blizzard of Hell," Genos intoned. "We have transcended your petty faction wars. We have engaged in Inter-Dimensional Warfare. I am now a 9th Circle Mage-Tech Hybrid."
Fubuki blinked. "You're... a wizard robot?"
"Correct. Witness."
Genos held out a hand.
He didn't use fire. He channeled the leftover Heart Kingdom mana stored in his battery.
"Rune Magic: True Floating Teapot."
The teapot levitated. A rune circle appeared under it. It poured tea perfectly into Saitama's cup.
Fubuki's jaw dropped. "That's just psychic power! But... sparkly?"
"It is Nature Mana," Genos corrected proudly.
Suddenly, a siren wailed outside.
"Emergency Alert! Demon-Level Threat in City Z! All nearby heroes respond!"
Saitama stood up. He adjusted the blue cape.
"Time to go," Saitama said. "Maybe the monster has a bounty."
City Z - Main Street
The monster was weird.
It looked like a tree. But it had eyeballs. And mouths.
It was a remnant of the Qliphoth. A root that had snake-crawled through the dimension gap before Saitama zipped it shut. Now, fed on the pollution of the OPM world, it had mutated.
"MAGIC!" the Tree-Monster roared. "I HUNGER FOR MANA!"
Heroes were flying everywhere. Lighting Max was swatted into a building. Spring Mustachio was tangled in vines.
"It eats energy!" Lightning Max yelled. "My electrical kicks just made it bigger!"
Fubuki arrived with her group. "Back off! Hell Storm!"
She launched a psychic tornado.
The Tree absorbed it. SLURP.
"Delicious," the Tree laughed. "Psychic waves... spicy."
"It ate my telekinesis?!" Fubuki paled.
CLANK. CLANK.
Genos landed on the pavement. He looked heavy. His new "Spade Kingdom Scrap Armor" made him look like a walking fortress.
"Target Analysis," Genos spoke. "Biological composition matches Qliphoth Roots. Source: Clover Kingdom."
"It followed us home?" Saitama landed next to him, scratching his head. "Like a stray cat. Shoo!"
The Tree saw Saitama.
It froze.
It remembered.
Deep in its genetic code, inherited from Zagred and Lucifero, it remembered the bald head.
"YOU!" The Tree shrieked. "THE SILENCER! THE GATE CLOSER!"
"Hey," Saitama said. "You're blocking the road. I need to get to the bank."
"DIE!" The Tree lashed out with a thousand spiked roots. "ROOT MAGIC: WORLD DOMINATION!"
Fubuki screamed. "Saitama! Watch out!"
Genos stepped in.
"Allow me, Master. Field Test: Magic-Science Integration."
Genos didn't use his cannons. He clasped his hands together.
The runes on his body turned red. He channeled his core heat through the magic script.
"Machine-Spirit Art: Fire Dragon's Incineration!"
A massive dragon made of blue plasma and magical fire erupted from Genos's chest. It roared—actually roared—and bit the Tree.
"GAAAAH! IT BURNS THE SOUL!" The Tree thrashed. "THIS ISN'T SCIENCE!"
The flames consumed the outer branches. The crowd of heroes watched in awe.
"Since when can Genos summon dragons?!" Spring Mustachio gasped.
"But the core remains," Genos noted. "Master, the main trunk is regenerative."
Saitama walked forward.
The Tree looked at him. "Stay back! I have consumed the energy of this planet! I am invincib—"
Saitama drew the katana.
The rusted, chipped, banana-smelling black blade.
He didn't know iaido. He didn't know kendo.
He just held it like a stick.
"Dark Magic," Saitama mumbled, copying Yami's deep voice for fun.
"Dimension Slash... Equinox? Or something."
He swung.
VWOOM.
He didn't channel darkness. He just swung the sword so fast and so hard that the air friction turned the blade red-hot. The physical force projected a "slash" of compressed air that looked vaguely black because it broke the light spectrum.
The air slash hit the Tree.
It didn't just cut the Tree.
It cut the street.
It cut the buildings behind the Tree (Saitama aimed up, luckily).
It cut the clouds in half.
It created a vacuum trail visible from space.
The Tree disintegrated. Not burned. Just physics-ed out of existence.
Clink.
Saitama sheathed the sword.
"This sword is dull," Saitama noted. "I should sharpen it."
The Aftermath
Fubuki stood in the wind generated by the slash. Her hair was a mess. Her group was clinging to lampposts.
The monster was gone.
Saitama turned to Genos.
"Did we get the bounty?"
Genos checked his phone. "Target neutralized. The Association has transferred 5,000 yen to your account."
"Nice," Saitama grinned. "Cabbage is secure."
He walked past the stunned Fubuki.
"Hey," Fubuki whispered. "Saitama."
"Yeah?"
"That blue cape... looks okay. I guess."
Saitama smiled. He patted the rough Heart Kingdom fabric.
"Yeah. It was a gift. From a loud kid's friend."
Somewhere in the Clover Kingdom
The Same Time
Yami Sukehiro sat in his rebuilt base (thanks to Henry). He reached for his katana.
His hand grasped empty air.
"Dammit," Yami muttered. "Forgot I gave it to Baldy."
Asta walked in, carrying a massive sword.
"Captain! Are you defenseless?!"
Yami picked up a wooden stick he found on the floor.
He coated it in Dark Magic.
"Dark Magic: Wooden Stick of Death."
He slashed. He broke the wall.
"Nah," Yami grinned. "It's not the sword, kid. It's the swing. Baldy taught me that."
Yami looked at the sky.
"Wonder if he broke it yet."