City Z - Saitama's Balcony
Status: Peaceful (For now)
Saitama sat on a folding chair, staring intently at a watermelon.
"Okay," Saitama whispered. "Concentrate. Precision."
He held Yami's Katana. The rusty, jagged, black-steel blade looked completely out of place in the modern setting. It radiated a faint purple smoke that smelled like cheap tobacco and intimidating aura.
"Don't destroy the balcony," Saitama warned the sword. "Just the fruit."
Saitama raised the sword.
Vwooom.
The blade vibrated. The "Ki" inside it—Yami's lingering spirit—wanted to cut dimensions. It wanted to surpass limits.
"No limits," Saitama scolded the sword. "Just melon."
He tapped the watermelon.
CRACK-BOOM.
He barely touched it. The watermelon didn't just split. It exploded into red mist.
The shockwave cracked the balcony floor, blew the railing off, and carved a ravine into the empty street below.
"Dammit," Saitama sighed, wiping melon juice off his blue Heart Kingdom cape. "This sword has an attitude problem."
"Master," Genos stepped onto the balcony. He was wearing an apron over his Rune-Cyborg armor. "Scanning weapon. The 'Katana of the Smoker' has a passive aggression rating of 90%. It refuses to perform mundane tasks."
"It's stubborn," Saitama wiped the blade with a rag. "Like the landlord."
Suddenly, the sky turned green.
"I sense it," a bratty voice screeched from the clouds. "The ominous energy! It's here!"
CRASH.
A section of Saitama's roof (which he had just fixed) was ripped off by psychic power.
Tatsumaki (Terrible Tornado) floated down. Her green aura was flaring. She pointed a glowing finger at Saitama.
"YOU!" Tatsumaki shouted. "The Caped Baldy! Fubuki told me you brought back a Cursed Object from another dimension! Hand it over before it corrupts the city!"
Saitama looked at his missing roof.
"My security deposit..." Saitama's soul left his body. "Gone. Just like that."
Enter the Speedster
"I sensed it too."
Flash.
A blur of movement. Flashy Flash appeared on the balcony railing, posing dramatically. His white cape flowed in the wind.
"That blade," Flashy Flash narrowed his eyes at Yami's Katana. "It isn't a Monster Cell. It's... pure killing intent forged into steel. It calls to me."
Flash reached for his own sword, Instkill.
"Hand it over, amateur," Flash commanded. "A rank-B hero cannot handle a Cursed Grade blade. It will consume your soul."
"It smells like bananas," Saitama said. "I used it for lunch yesterday. It doesn't consume souls."
"Lies!" Tatsumaki yelled. "It's leaking Dark Energy! Look at it!"
Yami's sword pulsed purple. Wub-wub-wub. It sensed strong opponents. It liked the challenge.
"Give it to me!" Tatsumaki clenched her fist. "Psychic Grip!"
Green energy wrapped around the sword in Saitama's hand. She tried to yank it away.
Saitama gripped the handle.
"No," Saitama said. "Finders keepers."
Tatsumaki pulled. 100 tons of force. The balcony groaned. The entire apartment building tilted to the left.
The sword didn't move from Saitama's hand.
"Why..." Tatsumaki gritted her teeth, vein popping. "Why is he so HEAVY?! Is he glued to the floor?!"
"Physics Manipulation?" Flash analyzed. "No. Just brute strength. I'll take it."
Flash moved. Flashy Slash.
He moved at light-speed to snatch the katana from Saitama's grip.
Saitama turned his wrist.
Clang.
Yami's sword blocked Flash's sword.
"Too fast," Saitama commented. "You'll trip."
"He reacted?!" Flash landed back on the railing, sweating. "That blade... it moved on its own? It has Auto-Guard?!"
"Ki Sensing," Genos noted, scanning the interaction. "The sword retains Captain Yami's ability to read Ki. It anticipates the attack vector independently of Master Saitama's input."
"A living sword?" Flash's eyes sparkled. "I want it. I NEED IT."
The Three-Way Brawl
"IT'S MINE!" Tatsumaki escalated. "Psychic Tornado!"
She ripped up the street asphalt to throw at Saitama.
"MY TURN!" Flash jumped, creating twelve afterimages. "Wind Blade Kick!"
Saitama stood in the middle, holding the rusty sword.
"You guys are annoying," Saitama sighed. "It's Saturday. I'm trying to relax."
He held the sword up.
"Hey, sword. Do the thing."
Saitama swung.
He didn't put effort into it. He just swung the heavy iron slab horizontally.
The Sword—The Katana of Yami—felt the moment. It felt the Mana of Tatsumaki (Esper power) and the Speed of Flash.
It remembered the Spade Kingdom. It remembered the Devils.
It woke up.
"Dark Magic: Dark Cloaked Dimension Slash (Budget Version)."
The blade turned jet black. The space around it warped.
SWOOOSH.
A wave of purple darkness erupted from the blade.
Tatsumaki's psychic rocks? Sliced in half.
Flash's afterimages? Erased.
The clouds above City Z? Parted like the Red Sea.
The slash traveled harmlessly into the sky, cutting a satellite in half on the way out.
Tatsumaki dropped her psychic hold. She floated there, mouth open.
"He..." Tatsumaki whispered. "He cut... the psychic wavelength?"
Flash sheathed his sword. He was trembling. Not from fear, but from admiration.
"That wasn't technique," Flash whispered. "That was brute force cutting through the concept of distance."
Saitama looked at the sword. The purple glow faded.
"See?" Saitama said. "It's a good sword. Just a bit dramatic. Yami was the same way."
Genos stepped forward, his arm transforming into a vacuum.
"Master! I have successfully collected 85% of the exploded watermelon mist! I can reconstitute it into a smoothie!"
"Good job, Genos."
Saitama looked at the two intruders.
"Are you done? Can you fix my roof? If not, get out."
Tatsumaki huffed. "Whatever! It's an ugly sword anyway! Smells like an ash tray!"
She flew away, but she kept looking back. I couldn't lift it. How heavy is that guy?
Flashy Flash stayed on the railing for a second.
"What is the name of that style?" Flash asked seriously. "The one that cuts dimensions?"
Saitama thought about Yami sitting on a toilet reading a newspaper.
"It's called... The Dump Style," Saitama improvised.
Flash nodded solemnly. "The Dump Style. To discard all hesitation. Deep."
He vanished in a blur.
Saitama looked at Genos.
"Genos."
"Yes?"
"Why do all the weirdos know where I live?"
"Because you are the singularity of weirdness, Master."
"Whatever. Smoothie me."
Bonus Scene: Clover Kingdom
Black Bulls Base
Asta was swinging his Demon-Slayer sword in the courtyard.
"9,998... 9,999... 10,000!"
Asta collapsed. "DONE!"
He looked at Yami, who was reading the paper.
"Captain! I miss Saitama-sensei! Do you think he's okay?"
Yami lit a cigarette.
"He's fine, kid. Though..."
Yami rubbed his hip, where a cheap wooden sword now hung.
"I can feel my katana," Yami grinned. "It just cut something annoying. Probably a mosquito. Or a sassy floating midget."
Yami blew smoke rings.
"He better not be using it to cut onions."
(Narrator: He was definitely using it to cut onions later that night.)