Chapter 4 — Return of the Shirt (Old Flames, New Warnings)
Ted Mosby believed in recycling. Not bottles. Not cans.
He believed in recycling romance.
So when his ex-girlfriend Natalie walked back into the story, he thought fate was calling him on a rotary phone.
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MacLaren's Booth
"Guys," Ted said, practically glowing. "Natalie and I are back together."
Lily blinked. "The Natalie who dumped you on your birthday?"
"Different Natalie," Ted said quickly.
"Nope," Marshall said. "Same Natalie. I remember. Cake. Tears. You swore off women for three days."
Ivar closed his Northern Star Titan Pro laptop with a soft click. "So you're going back to the woman who humiliated you in front of a clown and a piñata?"
Ted stiffened. "It was a tasteful piñata."
Robin sipped her scotch. "I don't know if this is romantic or just… tragic."
Barney leaned forward, shark-grin loaded. "Ted. Recycling exes is like reheating fries. They look good, they smell good, but one bite and you remember why you threw them out."
"Not if they're sweet potato fries," Ted muttered.
Ivar smirked. "She's not sweet potato fries. She's McDonald's drive-thru. Tastes fine when you're starving. Leaves you hollow in an hour."
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Natalie, Round Two
Ted ignored them. He threw himself into the relationship with the zeal of a man who thought the universe owed him one do-over.
Natalie was smart. Funny. Vegan.
She threw dinner parties where tofu wore costumes.
The gang tried to support him, but every time Ted gushed, Ivar leaned back in his chair like a man watching a slow-motion car wreck.
"Don't look at me like that," Ted snapped one night.
"Like what?"
"Like you're watching me burn."
"I am," Ivar said calmly. "And I'm checking if you packed marshmallows."
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Running Gag: The Laptop
Meanwhile, Ivar kept pulling out his Titan Pro laptop at the bar, testing new prototypes.
Marshall peered over one night. "Wait, are you… video calling someone?"
"Yeah. Testing international conferencing," Ivar said.
"Who are you even talking to?"
Megan Fox's face filled the screen. "Hi, Marshall."
Marshall's beer almost spilled. "Oh my God."
Barney dove across the booth. "Is this—are we—Megan Fox in my bar?"
Megan smiled. "Technically, it's Ivar's bar now. He bought the building for tax reasons."
Ted dropped his glass. Robin groaned. Lily cackled.
"Running gag," Ivar explained, shutting the laptop.
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The Breakup
Three weeks later, Ted realized the truth. He wasn't in love with Natalie. He was in love with the idea of second chances.
He dumped her.
On her birthday.
With a clown present.
When he told the gang, they just stared.
"You dumped her on her birthday?" Robin said, aghast.
"Are you insane?" Lily added.
"Do you have any idea—" Marshall started.
Barney burst out laughing. "Full circle! He Mosby'd her!"
Ivar leaned forward, green eyes sharp. "Ted, sometimes you need to burn a bridge. But if you do it on someone's birthday… you also burn the cake."
Ted groaned. "I get it. I screwed up."
"Yeah," Ivar said softly. "But you'll survive. Just don't recycle trash and call it treasure next time."
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Chapter Closing Beat
Later, when Ted walked Robin home, she teased him about his disastrous timing.
Meanwhile, Ivar lingered at the bar, pulling his laptop open again. Megan's face appeared. Yvonne leaned in from the side of the frame.
"How's the chaos cult?" Yvonne asked, smirking.
"Self-immolating," Ivar said.
Megan laughed. "So, a normal Tuesday."
And as New York's neon bled into the night, Ted Mosby swore he'd get it right next time.
But the universe—like Ivar Scherbatsky—had other plans.