Chapter 10 — The Pineapple Incident (Blackouts, Billionaires & Bananas Logic)
Ted Mosby believed in control.
Barney Stinson believed in losing it.
And Ivar Scherbatsky? He believed control and chaos were both weapons — you just had to know when to use them.
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MacLaren's Booth
Ted sat stiffly, nursing a beer. "I don't want to wake up tomorrow regretting anything."
Barney rolled his eyes. "That's exactly why you never have fun, Ted. You're a snooze button in human form."
Marshall leaned over. "Just relax, man. One night of crazy won't kill you."
"Exactly!" Barney slapped the table. "Five shots of red dragon! Ted goes wild! Ted gets legendary!"
Ted shook his head. "I don't do wild. Wild is dangerous."
Ivar sipped whiskey, calm as a lake. "Wild is living. Controlled doses. Like medicine."
Robin smirked. "Since when are you the voice of moderation?"
"Since moderation makes chaos more fun," Ivar said.
Barney whooped. "Shots! Five shots for Mosby!"
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Blackout Ted
One by one, Ted downed the red dragons. His cheeks flushed. His tie came off. His words slurred into confetti.
Hours blurred. Songs were sung. Calls were made. Numbers were dialed. Ted was a hurricane in khakis.
And through it all, Ivar stayed perfectly sober, sipping water, watching the storm.
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Morning After
Ted woke with a splitting headache. His head pounded. His tie was around his forehead like a bandana.
Next to him in bed: a woman he couldn't remember.
On the nightstand: a pineapple.
"What the—" Ted groaned, clutching his head. "What happened?"
The woman stirred, yawning. "You were… fun."
Ted blinked. "I was?"
She smiled. "Surprisingly fun."
Then she left, leaving Ted with more questions than answers.
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The Debrief
Back at MacLaren's, Ted dragged the gang through his panic. "There was a pineapple! A pineapple! Who even brings a pineapple to a one-night stand?"
Marshall laughed so hard beer came out his nose.
Lily clapped her hands. "Oh my God, Ted, you finally let go!"
Robin grinned. "Look at you, Casanova."
Barney smirked. "Mystery solved: you're secretly awesome when you're unconscious."
Ted groaned. "This isn't funny! Where did the pineapple come from?!"
Everyone laughed harder.
Everyone except Ivar.
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Running Gag: The Keeper of Secrets
Ivar sat quiet in the corner, sipping his drink, watching the chaos unfold.
"Wait," Ted snapped. "You were there, weren't you?"
Ivar's smile twitched. "Maybe."
"Then you know where the pineapple came from!"
"Maybe."
Ted slammed the table. "Tell me!"
"No," Ivar said simply. "Some mysteries make better stories than truths."
Barney gasped. "Oh my God… you planted the pineapple!"
"I didn't say that."
"You definitely did!"
Robin raised a brow. "Did you?"
Ivar just smirked, green eyes gleaming. "Guess you'll never know."
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Chapter Closing Beat
That night, Ted stared at the pineapple on his counter, baffled.
He wrote notes, drew diagrams, tried to solve it like an architectural puzzle.
But somewhere in the city, Ivar Scherbatsky leaned back in his penthouse, sipping whiskey, and laughed quietly.
Because sometimes, the best stories are the ones that stay unsolved.